How to Use Affirmations to Build Self-Worth
By Melody Wright, LMFT
I often see people come into sessions feeling defeated by their own inner dialogue.
They’ve tried to shift it by trying positive affirmations, but the words don’t seem to land.
If you’ve ever said an affirmation like, “I am enough,” only to feel discomfort, disbelief, or even shame in response, there are so many people who feel the same way.
However, I want you to know that you’re not doing it wrong.
The response you feel can be deeply informative.
It tells you something about your nervous system and how it’s been shaped by past experiences.
“Your self-worth isn’t just a mindset. It’s a lived experience in the body”
When your nervous system has learned to be hypervigilant, shut down, or stuck in survival mode, it’s not concerned with worthiness. It’s focused on protection. This means that trying to think your way into self-worth with affirmations can feel jarring, even threatening, if your body doesn’t yet feel safe.
As a somatic therapist, I’ve learned that healing isn’t just about thinking differently; it’s about feeling safer and more connected in your body.
Affirmations are just one piece, but when paired with nervous system awareness and gentle regulation, they can help us start to rewire those deeply held beliefs.
Are Affirmations a Form of Shadow Work?
In many ways, yes.
Shadow work is about meeting the parts of ourselves we’ve exiled, whether out of shame, fear, or protection.
Affirmations often reveal those shadows.
When you say, “I am worthy,” and a voice inside says, “That’s not true,” you’ve just found a part of yourself that still needs healing.
That discomfort isn’t a sign to stop.
The process of practicing affirmations can reveal the parts of us that still hold doubt or pain.
They bring up the wounded parts, the protectors, the stories we’ve internalized.
In this way, they can surface the unconscious, just like shadow work does.
The key is to stay curious and compassionate toward whatever arises in response.
When you bump up against a block, it’s not a dead end. It’s your nervous system’s way of saying, “There’s something here that still needs care.”
What Are Common Blocks to Practicing Affirmations?
A block might show up as a tight chest, a sinking feeling in your stomach, or an inner voice that scoffs.
It might be rooted in early relationships where love had to be earned, or times when hope was followed by hurt.
Whatever form it takes, a block is usually your body’s attempt to protect you from perceived threat, even if that threat is something as simple as believing you're enough.
If affirmations bring up discomfort, that’s okay.
That discomfort is a messenger.
Take a moment to slow down and ask, “Which part of me doesn’t believe this yet? What does it need?”
Some other common things you might experience are:
🌻 Feeling fake or silly
🌻 Shame or grief surfacing
🌻 A sense of misalignment because the affirmations don’t match your lived experience
🌻 Fear around believing good things might lead to disappointment
But...how do you start this journey? You’ll find out by the end of this blog! 😉
4 Ways to Make Affirmations More Effective and Meaningful
Affirmations don’t work just because we repeat them over and over; they work when our body feels grounded enough to receive them.
When your nervous system feels overwhelmed or shut down, even the most well-meaning affirmation can bounce off.
But when you feel steady, calm, and connected, there’s more space for those words to take root.
Here’s what helps:
1️⃣ Regulation comes first: Start affirmations when you feel relatively calm. Or use regulating tools (breath, grounding, gentle movement) to create that calm as you speak them.
2️⃣ Keep them believable: An affirmation like "I’m learning how to feel safe in my body" may land better than "I love everything about myself."
3️⃣ Use the body as a bridge: Place a hand on your heart or belly, soften your jaw, or sway gently. This signals to your system that it’s okay to receive new input.
4️⃣ Say them in a place that feels safe: Repetition matters, but so does the context. Try affirmations in places that feel warm and supportive.
Once your body feels supported and safe enough to take in the words, the next step is allowing those affirmations to move from something you say… to something you start to believe.
How To Start Believing Your Affirmations
You try to affirm something good about yourself… but there’s that part of you that pulls back.
It’s hard when the words feel so far from your truth.
That space in between, between saying it and actually believing it, is where the real work begins.
Making that shift from saying the words to truly feeling them takes:
🌻 Nervous system safety
🌻 Time and repetition
🌻 Curiosity about what’s in the way
“We’re not trying to overwrite your history; we’re creating space for new stories to emerge.”
Think of affirmations as seeds.
If the soil is still frozen by fear or trauma, nothing can grow.
But if we warm the soil with regulation and care, those seeds (even tiny ones like “I’m not broken”) can begin to take root.
How Can You Start Your Affirmation Journey?
Your affirmation practice doesn’t have to be loud or polished.
In fact, the gentlest openings are often the most transformative.
If the idea of affirmations feels overwhelming, start by noticing your internal response.
What arises in your body when you say something kind to yourself? Is there tightening, resistance, or a feeling of emptiness?
These are all clues that your nervous system is communicating with you.
The goal isn’t to push past the discomfort but to stay with it just long enough to offer warmth.
Small, compassionate truths are powerful. Try starting with:
“It’s okay to go slow.”
“I’m learning to listen to myself.”
“I’m open to the idea that I might be worthy.”
“I’m doing the best I can with what I know.”
And if some days the words feel unfamiliar or a little out of reach, that’s okay. Letting them feel awkward, clunky, or new is still a beautiful place to begin.
Final Thoughts
Affirmations are not about ignoring pain or pretending to be okay.
They’re about creating new possibilities through repetition, regulation, and relationship.
As a somatic therapist, I’ve seen how powerful this work can be when we bring the body along for the journey.
You deserve to feel safe.
You deserve to feel worthy.
Let’s give your nervous system the conditions it needs to believe that.❤️
This Weeks Affirmations
I am learning to feel safe in my body.
Safety is a feeling I’m growing into.
I can hold space for who I am and who I’m becoming
I can move at the pace my body needs.
I don’t have to earn my worth; I already have it.
Additional Resources
**If you’re interested in learning more about ways to build your self-worth, check out these books below:
Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Kristin Neff
Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha by Tara Brach
The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself by Michael A. Singer
Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ by Daniel Goleman
The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment by Eckhart Tolle
**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read the full disclosure here.
Empower Your Inner Self: 10 Steps to Elevate Your Self-Esteem
by Melody Wright, LMFT
In a world with social media highlight reels and what seem to be perfectly curated personas, it’s not always easy to feel the freedom to be yourself. Living in the age of influencers and filtered realities, we can find our authentic selves becoming lost in the noise. Yet, authenticity is where your true power lies, it’s the source of genuine self-esteem and confidence. The rise of low self-esteem is a significant and widespread issue, but why? How can we learn to live authentically? In this blog, we'll look at how being authentic can boost your self-worth and discover 10 mindful steps you can take to become more confident and comfortable with who you are.
Why is Low Self-Esteem So Profound?
Social Media and Comparison Culture: The presence of social media platforms can lead to a comparison mindset. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem when you believe you don't measure up to the images and experiences you see online.
Societal Pressure: Society tend to place immense pressure on us to conform to certain standards of beauty, success, and achievement. These unrealistic expectations can make us feel that we are never "good enough," no matter what we do.
Bullying and Cyberbullying: Bullying, whether in person or online, can have a devastating impact on your self-esteem and mental health. The constant fear of being ridiculed or belittled can erode one's self-worth.
Economic Insecurity: Economic instability and uncertainty can create anxiety and self-doubt. That can include financial difficulties, unemployment, etc which can lead to a sense of failure and diminished self-esteem.
Isolation and Loneliness: Despite the connectedness facilitated by technology, many people can experience deep feelings of loneliness and isolation. These emotions can contribute to poor mental health because it may cause feeling of being unwanted or unimportant.
Pressure to Achieve and Perform: There's often a relentless drive to achieve and perform at the highest levels in various aspects of life, from academics and career to personal relationships. This intense pressure can lead to a fear of failure, which can take a toll on your mental health.
Mental Health Issues: Mental health problems like anxiety, depression, and eating disorders can profoundly impact self-esteem. The negative thought patterns associated with these conditions can reinforce feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy.
Childhood Experiences: Early experiences, particularly in childhood, can shape your self-esteem. Negative or traumatic experiences during the early years can leave lasting scars on one's self-worth.
Ways to Build Self-Esteem and Cultivate Authenticity
Low self-esteem can cast a shadow over every aspect of our lives, which can hold us back from reaching our full potential and experiencing the fulfillment we deserve. But the good news is that self-esteem is not immovable; it's a quality that can be nurtured and strengthened over time. However, remember that these tools are not overnight solutions, but rather tools to help cultivate a deep and lasting sense of self-worth.
Get to Know YOU: We spend most of our time being told what we should like, how we should look, what we should buy, and what we should accomplish to be successful. However, we usually don’t take the time to get to know ourselves. Ask yourself “what do I want” and “what do I like”, then enjoy the journey free of judgement.
Increase Self Awareness: The more you begin to learn about who you are, the more you’ll want to become aware of your thoughts, patterns, and feelings. Mindful journaling and meditation can support you as you check in with yourself.
Use Positive Affirmations: As you become aware of your thoughts, patterns, and feelings, you can challenge the negative thoughts with affirming ones. As you utilize affirmations, you can rewire your thinking to move into a place of self-love, self-empowerment, and self-compassion which will boost your self-esteem.
Develop Healthy Boundaries: Establishing and maintaining boundaries is a vital aspect of self-care. It ensures the protection of your mental and emotional well-being. Learning to say "no" when necessary and prioritize your own needs, without guilt, can support with self-empowerment and honoring your own thoughts and feelings.
Set Realistic Goals: Setting achievable goals, whether small or large, is essential for improving self-esteem. These goals serve as stepping stones to success, boosting your confidence as you accomplish them. Be sure to celebrate your achievements, no matter how modest they may seem.
Limit Self-Comparison: Try limiting your time on social media. The time you do spend there, remind yourself that many people you see only share the highlights of their life. They are a human just like you.
Create a Self-Love Journal: Consider creating a journal space to write down things you like about yourself. You can use this as a place to dump your thoughts and feelings, write affirmations and cultivate gratitude for yourself and your life.
Attune to your Body: Pay attention to your body and its needs. Engage in regular physical activity, eat nourishing foods, and get enough rest. When you feel well physically, it supports your mental and emotional health leading to a positive self-image.
Consider Creative Expression: As you learn about who you’re authentic self is, consider expressing yourself creatively. Trying new hobbies allow you to expand your mind. The act of creation can also create a sense of accomplishment.
Build A Network: Having those around you who see your true self can support in building you up, which can boost your moral. Considering therapy for self-growth and working through traumas can also cultivate a sense self-compassion and encouragement.
Final Thoughts
Boosting your self-esteem is a journey that unfolds over time. Remember, it’s not about perfection; it's about self-acceptance and growth. As you to explore these approaches, be kind to yourself, and know that your journey is unique. With patience and dedication, you can build a healthier and more confident relationship with yourself, unlocking the potential for a more fulfilling and authentic life. If building a support network is one of the tools you decide to try, consider reaching out to one of our therapists here at Life By Design Therapy. If you’re in California and interested in our holistic and somatic therapy services, click below to schedule your free phone consultation today.
Additional Resources
”Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself" by Kristin Neff
”The Confidence Gap: A Guide to Overcoming Fear and Self-Doubt" by Russ Harris
”Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones” by James Clear
”A Renaissance of Our Own: A Memoir & Manifesto on Reimagining” by Rachel E. Cargle
Three Keys to Self-Love
by Melody Wright, LMFT
In today's world, loving yourself is easier said than done. We are constantly bombarded with cultural messages that tell us we aren't "enough" in one way or another: thin enough, pretty enough, happy enough, successful enough.
At the same time, the media encourages us to buy into a commercialized version of self-love that requires us to purchase yoga equipment, expensive supplements, and beauty products as an expression of our commitment to ourselves.
When we view self-love as a destination, rather than an ever-evolving journey, the task of learning to love ourselves can feel overwhelming. Realistically, self-love is better thought of as self-compassion.
When we are compassionate toward ourselves, we recognize that, as humans, we are inherently flawed -- yet our flaws do not make us any less worthy of empathy or respect. We recognize that we will always have moments where self-love doesn't feel authentic, but that these moments do not define our value.
Even as you are unlearning harmful beliefs or silencing your inner critic, you can still show yourself love and treat yourself with the kindness you deserve. Over time, these three key behaviors can help you strengthen your commitment to loving yourself.
1. Honor Your Needs
Growing up, your parents may have stressed to you the importance of distinguishing "needs" vs. "wants." This principle goes for money, but also for behaviors. Some actions -- such as substance abuse, driving too fast, or texting an ex-lover -- may feel good to us in the moment, yet we know that, in the long-run, they may have harmful or even dangerous consequences on our physical, mental, and/or emotional health.
Self-respect goes hand-in-hand with self-love. When we respect ourselves, we know and honor our needs. This includes our basic needs, such as eating right and getting enough sleep, but also our emotional needs, such as setting boundaries and avoiding self-destructive behaviors. Focusing on what we need over what we want helps us turn away from harmful patterns, like skipping meals or practicing unsafe behaviors -- even when they are temporarily gratifying.
2. Keep Good Company
The people we surround ourselves with are a reflection of our opinion of ourselves. When we do not love ourselves, we may allow people into our lives who take too much and offer little in return. "Frenemies" or toxic individuals often take advantage of people with weak boundaries. That doesn't mean that it's your fault for permitting this behavior to happen. However, it's important to recognize that you always have a choice about what kinds of behavior you will accept from others moving forward.
Loving yourself means defining the types of behavior you are and are not willing to tolerate from the company you keep, and enforcing consequences when your boundaries are violated. Sometimes, when boundaries are repeatedly violated by the same person, the most appropriate consequence may be to limit the amount of time we spend with that person, or to cut them out of our lives altogether. When we love ourselves, we view the decision to let go of a toxic relationship as a natural progression of their behavior, rather than the product of selfishness.
3. Accept All Emotions
Many of us fall into the trap of labeling our emotions as "good" or "bad." As a result, we may try to hide from our so-called "negative" emotions via compartmentalization, suppression, or avoidance. These labels are often learned from our culture, the media, or others around us. However, we can also make a conscious decision to unlearn these designations and find acceptance in all of our physical and mental sensations. When we love ourselves, we do not judge ourselves for experiencing unpleasant emotions.
Loving ourselves means accepting all of our emotions as a natural part of the human experience. Even the most cheerful people we know must experience sadness, anger, guilt, or grief in order to understand what true happiness feels like. Rather than labeling emotions as "good" or "bad," we can choose to honor all of our emotions by being present with our thoughts and bodily sensations. We can then use this mindfulness to make an informed decision about how we want to react to those emotions, rather than giving into an automatic urge that could result in self-sabotage, or mental or physical harm.
While simply stated, we understand the tools mentioned above can take time, lots of practice, and a willingness to move beyond what has been familiar and comfortable to you. At Life by Design Therapy, we work with adults, couples, teens and families to support the inner work necessary to have more self-compassion, self-acceptance and self-love.