All About Grief - 6 Ways to Care for Yourself While Grieving

By Melody Wright, LMFT

Grief…it’s an unavoidable part of life that can be incredibly painful and potentially debilitating for some. It isn’t linear and there’s no timeline to be followed. Grief can be described as a singular emotion and yet there are many emotions involved making it feel like a whirlwind. When someone is on the roller coaster of grief recovery they may find it easy to place their own needs on the back burner or have thoughts of “what’s the point?”. Our goal in this blog is to support you in your pain and provide resources to help you find relief. We will provide you with simple coping tools to support yourself in this season of your life. 

What Should You Do While Grieving? 

1. Give Yourself Permission - this is so important during your grieving journey. In the previous “All About Grief” blog we discussed the Five Stages of Grief and one of the stages is the denial stage. Many times when we are in the denial stage of our grief, we will have feelings of numbness or even keep busy to keep our mind off the situation. If you find yourself in this position, give yourself permission to feel whatever emotions you need. This can immensely support your process. We want to remind you that there is no right or wrong way to grieve, and there are no right or wrong feelings to feel, but we encourage you to give yourself permission to feel them. Your grief journey is intensely personal and you are allowed to experience it no matter what it may look like.
   

2. Eat Well - Eating a balanced diet is beneficial for life in general, but it can be extremely supportive when you are experiencing major emotional fluctuations. We’re not medical doctors, however, during a grieving period, eating extra protein, omegas, and food high in B vitamins can positively impact potential mood swings. Higher protein foods like eggs, turkey, and Greek yogurt can support balancing blood sugar levels. Foods high in B vitamins like bananas can provide serotonin boosts and omega-rich food like fish provide DHA and EPA which are both linked to lowering depression levels. It’s always best to consult your physician before making changes to your diet. They can also provide additional dietary and supplement options based on your personal needs.
   

3. Move Your Body - Gentle movement can support your body in the midst of grief as well. Stepping outside to go for a walk will allow you to receive Vitamin D from the sun, which supports mood, and movement releases dopamine and serotonin in your brain which are the “feel good” hormones.
   

4. Write A Letter - Some people who have lost a loved one, experience regret for not being able to express something to that person they lost. Writing them a letter is a great way to express those things you might not have been able to. You may also be experiencing many levels of emotions and “brain dumping” on paper can help you organize your thoughts or express things you may not be able to say out loud.
   

5. Keep a Routine - Because grief comes with major life shifts, finding small things within your control can be supportive to some people. This can be as simple as making your bed as soon as you get up in the morning, or laying out your clothes for the next day before you go to bed at night. Keeping a routine can provide or return a sense of normalcy and structure to your life.
   

6. Find Others Who Are Grieving - Having those around you who understand the depth of what you are going through can provide a sense of security and comfort while riding the waves of this grieving journey. There are many grief support groups that you can find locally and there are options for therapy services as well. 

If you find yourself in the ebbs and flows of grief, having someone to provide a safe and secure place to process can support you in moving closer to the shoreline of acceptance. Therapy can provide tools to process the trauma that may be involved with the grief you’re experiencing, or find ways to cope with the emotions that suddenly arise when there is a trigger.

Life By Design Therapy has a staff that is ready to support you with this journey. You can find free resources on our website or if you’re in California you can schedule your free phone consultation below to get started. 

If you found this blog helpful, you may be interested in, “Navigating Grief During The Holidays” for some useful techniques and additional information about grief.

**If you’re interested in expanding your knowledge on grief and how to support those that are grieving, check out these books below:

1. On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler

2. The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion

3. Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief by Martha Whitmore Hickman

4. Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl

5. The Grief Recovery Handbook: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses by John W. James and Russell Friedman

6. It's Okay That You're Not Okay: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand by Megan Devine

7. The Wild Edge of Sorrow: Rituals of Renewal and the Sacred Work of Grief by Francis Weller

8. A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis

**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read full disclosure here.

All About Grief - Why Grieving Looks Different for Everyone

By Melody Wright, LMFT

If you have ever grieved anything, you understand that the process is personal and complex. It is a unique experience that cannot be compared to anyone else's, and it can manifest differently for each individual. Grieving timelines, methods of coping, and the emotions experienced by the person can be completely different than another person's experience. It’s important to remember that there is no right or wrong way to walk this process out. It can be helpful to understand how people cope with grief so that you can be better equipped to support yourself or someone else who may be going through this difficult process. 

What is Grief? 

Grief is a natural and universal response to loss. While grief is most commonly associated with the loss of a loved one, it can also be felt during the loss of an important relationship, health issues, loss of a job, and even moving to a new home. Grief can be described as a basket of emotions because you can have multiple feelings at once, even some that you might not expect. 

For instance, let’s think about an adult child caring for their parent with dementia during the final stages of their life. This caretaker watches the person they love lose themselves little by little, as well as the ability to take care of their everyday basic needs. As time moves forward, the parent passes away and the caretaker finds themselves feeling relieved and then guilty for feeling relieved. 

The reality is, while this may not have been the emotion that was anticipated for the grieving process, it’s perfectly normal and okay to feel this sense of relief and sadness at the same time.

The 5 Stages of Grief

I’m sure you have heard of The Five Stages of Grief. These guidelines are an attempt to explain the different stages of grief and the emotions that may come up. Each stage of grief has its own unique set of challenges and emotions associated with it, but they all eventually lead to acceptance of the loss. By recognizing the signs and symptoms associated with each stage, we can learn how to better manage our emotions as we move through the grieving process or support others with their process. 

The five stages of grief are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. However, as we mentioned before, grief is not a one-size-fits-all and you can experience two or three of these stages all at once. So what are some of the symptoms and emotions that are associated with each stage? 

1. Denial - you may feel easily distracted, numb, confused, or even find yourself staying busy to keep your mind off your new reality.

2. Anger - during this stage you may feel upset with yourself and others. It may come out as irritability, frustration, impatience, etc.

3. Bargaining - you may find yourself negotiating with a higher power or making deals with yourself. You may also experience guilt, shame, insecurity, and anxiety.

4. Depression - during this stage you may find yourself weeping more, feeling sadness, fear, regret, or uncertainty. There might also be changes in your appetite, sleep patterns, and energy levels.

5. Acceptance - here you will find yourself beginning to emotionally detach. You’ll have the ability to be more present, vulnerable, and engage with reality.   

Why Does Grief Look Different for Everyone? 

The answer is simply…everyone is different. We all have different stories, perspectives, and traumas that we work through during a grieving process. However you may be experiencing grief, it’s perfectly ok. There is no right and wrong way to process and you have permission to feel exactly the way you need to feel to work through your grief journey. For some, grief is a debilitating experience, and for those journeying that out, it is helping to have someone to support you in your process and provide tools to help you move forward. If you find yourself in a situation like this, consider scheduling a free phone consultation with one of our qualified clinicians here at Life By Design Therapy. 

**If you’re interested in expanding your knowledge on grief and how to support those that are grieving, check out these books below:

1. On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler

2. The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion

3. Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief by Martha Whitmore Hickman

4. Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl

5. The Grief Recovery Handbook: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses by John W. James and Russell Friedman

6. It's Okay That You're Not Okay: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand by Megan Devine

7. The Wild Edge of Sorrow: Rituals of Renewal and the Sacred Work of Grief by Francis Weller

8. A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis

**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read full disclosure here.

How To Cope with Feelings of Grief and Loss During The Covid-19 Pandemic

by Melody Wright, LMFT

Losing a loved one can have a strong impact on our lives and wellbeing, but not all losses look the same. Unfortunately, the pandemic has increased our likelihood of experiencing loss. It has also made many of us reevaluate our relationships with friends and loved ones. Whether it’s the death of a loved one, the end of a romantic relationship, or choosing to cut ties with a family member, loss can leave us experiencing feelings of grief that can affect our physical and emotional state. 

What Is Grief?

“Grief is the intense emotional response to the pain of a loss. It is the reflection of a connection that has been broken. Most important, grief is an emotional, spiritual, and psychological journey to healing. There is wonder in the power of grief.” – David Kessler

You may have heard that grief occurs in stages. While this may be true, it does not mean that the grief process is linear or follows a certain pattern. Everyone experiences grief differently, but having an understanding of your feelings and acknowledging how your body is processing a loss may help you recognize if or when you need outside support to help you heal. 

The traditional stages of grief include the following emotions and actions: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. Every person who experiences loss will not experience these stages in the same way. They may go back and forth between stages, or skip stages altogether. No matter what your grief journey looks like, know that there are resources and tools that can help you cope with your grief.  

What Can I Do To Address My Grief?

Experiencing a loss can be one of the hardest things a person will experience in their lifetime. While the emotions that come as a result of a loss can sometimes feel overwhelming, know that there are people and strategies that you can tap into when you feel like you need some extra support.

Below are some coping strategies to help support your grief process during the COVID-19 pandemic:

• Give yourself time and grace. The grief process is exactly that, a process. It will take time to address how you feel and what life changes you want to make, if any, as a result of a loss. Take time to honor your feelings associated with your grief, validate them, and understand why they are there. 

• Take care of yourself. Whether this means taking some time off of work to process your feelings, or adding more outside time to your evenings, we encourage you to listen to your body and give it what it needs to feel better. 

• Connect with others. Talking to a friend or joining a support group can create opportunities to connect with others that may help you on your grief journey. Having conversations with friends and peers that have gone through a similar experience may give you an opportunity to gain an outside perspective or hear words of consolation when experiencing loss. 

• Talk to a therapist. If you feel as though your grief is becoming too much for you to process on your own, or you are simply wanting additional support during your grief journey, connecting with a therapist may be a good option for you. A therapist can help provide you with additional tools and strategies that are tailored to your current needs.  

When Is It Time to Seek Outside Help?

Sometimes the feelings of grief can become too much for someone to process on their own. If you or a loved one is experiencing any of the following, it may be time to seek outside help:

• Isolating or withdrawing yourself from others or your usual activities

• Feeling difficulty focusing on anything that isn’t related to the recent loss

• Feeling like you lack purpose or meaning in life

No matter what stage of grief you are experiencing, there are resources and people available to help support your journey to healing. Grief is a personal process, and it is important not to minimize your feelings.

If you’re looking for more ways to work through pandemic-related grief and loss, sign-up for our upcoming online workshop, Moving Through Grief: Processing Grief and Loss in a Multilayered Pandemic, to learn more tips and skills to best support your grief process.