Keys to Connection: Navigating Parent-Teen Communication

By Melody Wright, LMFT

Do you remember your teenage years? I sure do; the whirlwind of emotions, growth spurts, and eye rolls. It was a challenging time for all of us. As we learned to navigate independence and figure out who we were, our parents probably wondered what was happening in our heads, mainly because it wasn’t “cool” to talk to our parents because they wouldn’t “get it”. Are you experiencing this situation with your own teen? If you are, I’m sure it can feel like a rollercoaster most days. In this blog, I will provide you with tools you can utilize to deepen your connection with your teen and create a safe environment for your relationship to thrive through communication. 

Tools for Connecting With Your Teen

“I don’t know what to do anymore” or “Where do I begin?” are some common statements among parents with teens. Let me ask you a question, What are you feeling in those complex moments with your teen? Have you ever been aware of this? Do you ever get flushed, notice your heart rate increasing, or yell? The first place to start with navigating these moments with your teen is becoming aware of your thoughts, feelings, and emotions. 

When you notice you and your teen entering into a conversation remind yourself to be the water to their fire. You can’t fight fire with fire, so approaching with peace, empathy, and awareness will start the conversation off with a solid foundation. If you find that regulating your own emotions is difficult, try incorporating mindfulness into your day. For example, you can start your day by spending 5 minutes journaling, utilizing breathing techniques, and pausing for moments of gratitude throughout the day. 

Step Into Their World 

Empathy is the art of stepping into another's shoes, of experiencing their emotions as if they were your own. For parents, it's the ability to truly grasp the rollercoaster of feelings that adolescents ride daily. You can do this by remembering your teenage years – the excitement, the anxiety, the dreams, and the uncertainties. Your teenager's emotions may be different, but the intensity is familiar. Empathy can create a foundation of safety for your teen to open up with you. 

However, empathy and non-judgment go hand-in-hand and it’s all too easy to slip into judgment when you’re a parent - to impose your experiences and expectations onto your teen's life. When your teenager expresses their thoughts or emotions, resist the urge to label or criticize their experience. Instead, create a haven where they feel free to be vulnerable without fearing criticism or punishment. Your role shifts from being an evaluator to a listener, which fosters an atmosphere of trust and open dialogue.

Pairing empathy and non-judgment with active listening can be the perfect communication cocktail. When your child knows you’re actively listening, it deepens the safety of your relationship, which deepens your connection. To actively listen you must have a mindful and engaged presence that reflects your commitment to understand what your teen might be trying to communicate. This is an opportunity for you to turn off the mental drafts of what you want to say next and be fully present. You can utilize reflective listening as well to confirm to them that they have been heard.

Somatic Techniques and Your Teen

As a teen, there are so many things happening at once within their inner selves. Not only are they learning to navigate a new body, but they’re also learning to navigate feelings and emotions that suddenly come up. Teens often grapple with a variety of feelings, ranging from excitement and curiosity to insecurity and frustration. As they journey through these intricate emotional realms, it's not uncommon for them to struggle with putting these emotions into words. Somatic techniques can be the supportive tool they need to make this connection between their mind and body. When they become more aware of what their body is communicating they will begin to learn how to articulate their emotions and what is occurring within their inner selves. 

Final Thoughts

Building a lasting and loving relationship with your child yields an investment in yourself as well. We encourage you to support your teen by becoming aware of your own body and how it correlates to your emotions. Every step you take, and every conversation you have with your teen is just a brick that is being laid in the foundation of your relationship. We want you to remember that these connection goals take time. While you learn to have patience with your child, we encourage you to have patience with yourself as well.  

Life By Design Therapy is here to support you and your family. If you are interested in learning more about how Somatic and Holistic Therapy can complement your life or your teen's life, we would love to hear from you. Please CLICK HERE to schedule your complimentary consultation and let’s figure out a plan together.  

Additional Resources 

If you would like additional resources on parent-teen communication, check out the reading list below.

1. Beyond Behaviors: Using Brain Science and Compassion to Understand and Solve Children's Behavioral Challenges by Mona Delahooke 

2. Parenting the New Teen in the Age of Anxiety: A Complete Guide to Your Child's Stressed, Depressed, Expanded, Amazing Adolescence by Dr. John Duffy

3.  How to Talk So Teens Will Listen & Listen So Teens Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

4. Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain by Daniel J. Siegel MD

5. Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall by Anthony E. Wolf

6. The Teenage Brain: A Neuroscientist's Survival Guide to Raising Adolescents and Young Adults by Frances E. Jensen

7. Anger Management for Parents: The ultimate guide to understand your triggers, stop losing your temper, master your emotions, and raise confident children by Vivian Foster 

8. UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World by Michele Borba

9. The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind by Daniel J. J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson

10. Parenting from the Inside Out: How a Deeper Self-Understanding Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive by Daniel J. Siegel and Mary Hartzell

**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read the full disclosure here.

Keys to Connection: Navigating Parent-Teen Communication

by Melody Wright, LMFT

Do you remember your teenage years? I sure do; the whirlwind of emotions, growth spurts, and eye rolls. It was a challenging time for all of us. As we learned to navigate independence and figure out who we were, our parents probably wondered what was happening in our heads, mainly because it wasn’t “cool” to talk to our parents because they wouldn’t “get it”. Are you experiencing this situation with your own teen? If you are, I’m sure it can feel like a rollercoaster most days. In this blog, I will provide you with tools you can utilize to deepen your connection with your teen and create a safe environment for your relationship to thrive through communication. 

Tools for Connecting With Your Teen

“I don’t know what to do anymore” or “Where do I begin?” are some common statements among parents with teens. Let me ask you a question, What are you feeling in those complex moments with your teen? Have you ever been aware of this? Do you ever get flushed, notice your heart rate increasing, or yell? The first place to start with navigating these moments with your teen is becoming aware of your thoughts, feelings, and emotions. 

When you notice you and your teen entering into a conversation remind yourself to be the water to their fire. You can’t fight fire with fire, so approaching with peace, empathy, and awareness will start the conversation off with a solid foundation. If you find that regulating your own emotions is difficult, try incorporating mindfulness into your day. For example, you can start your day by spending 5 minutes journaling, utilizing breathing techniques, and pausing for moments of gratitude throughout the day. 

Step Into Their World 

Empathy is the art of stepping into another's shoes, of experiencing their emotions as if they were your own. For parents, it's the ability to truly grasp the rollercoaster of feelings that adolescents ride daily. You can do this by remembering your teenage years – the excitement, the anxiety, the dreams, and the uncertainties. Your teenager's emotions may be different, but the intensity is familiar. Empathy can create a foundation of safety for your teen to open up with you. 

However, empathy and non-judgment go hand-in-hand and it’s all too easy to slip into judgment when you’re a parent - to impose your experiences and expectations onto your teen's life. When your teenager expresses their thoughts or emotions, resist the urge to label or criticize their experience. Instead, create a haven where they feel free to be vulnerable without fearing criticism or punishment. Your role shifts from being an evaluator to a listener, which fosters an atmosphere of trust and open dialogue.

Pairing empathy and non-judgment with active listening can be the perfect communication cocktail. When your child knows you’re actively listening, it deepens the safety of your relationship, which deepens your connection. To actively listen you must have a mindful and engaged presence that reflects your commitment to understand what your teen might be trying to communicate. This is an opportunity for you to turn off the mental drafts of what you want to say next and be fully present. You can utilize reflective listening as well to confirm to them that they have been heard.

Somatic Techniques and Your Teen

As a teen, there are so many things happening at once within their inner selves. Not only are they learning to navigate a new body, but they’re also learning to navigate feelings and emotions that suddenly come up. Teens often grapple with a variety of feelings, ranging from excitement and curiosity to insecurity and frustration. As they journey through these intricate emotional realms, it's not uncommon for them to struggle with putting these emotions into words. Somatic techniques can be the supportive tool they need to make this connection between their mind and body. When they become more aware of what their body is communicating they will begin to learn how to articulate their emotions and what is occurring within their inner selves. 

Final Thoughts

Building a lasting and loving relationship with your child yields an investment in yourself as well. We encourage you to support your teen by becoming aware of your own body and how it correlates to your emotions. Every step you take, and every conversation you have with your teen is just a brick that is being laid in the foundation of your relationship. We want you to remember that these connection goals take time. While you learn to have patience with your child, we encourage you to have patience with yourself as well.  

Life By Design Therapy is here to support you and your family. If you are interested in learning more about how Somatic and Holistic Therapy can complement your life or your teen's life, we would love to hear from you. If you’re located in California, please click below to schedule your complimentary consultation and let’s figure out a plan together.  

Additional Resources 

1. Beyond Behaviors: Using Brain Science and Compassion to Understand and Solve Children's Behavioral Challengesby Mona Delahooke 

2. Parenting the New Teen in the Age of Anxiety: A Complete Guide to Your Child's Stressed, Depressed, Expanded, Amazing Adolescence by Dr. John Duffy

3.  How to Talk So Teens Will Listen & Listen So Teens Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

4. Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain by Daniel J. Siegel MD

5. Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall by Anthony E. Wolf

6. The Teenage Brain: A Neuroscientist's Survival Guide to Raising Adolescents and Young Adults by Frances E. Jensen

7. Anger Management for Parents: The ultimate guide to understand your triggers, stop losing your temper, master your emotions, and raise confident children by Vivian Foster 

8. UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World by Michele Borba

9. The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind by Daniel J. J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson

10. Parenting from the Inside Out: How a Deeper Self-Understanding Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive by Daniel J. Siegel and Mary Hartzell

Navigating Back-to-School Anxiety: Practical Tips for Parents

By Melody Wright, LMFT

Do you remember how it felt when you started a new school year? The excitement and nervousness, or maybe even anxiety as you wondered about the new uncharted territory, hoping to make new friends, impress your teachers, and navigate the challenges of being a year older. As this school year started, maybe you’ve had some of those memories resurface as you witness your own child experiencing those same emotions. 

Back-to-school anxiety is perfectly normal, and as a parent, you have the power to be your child’s anchor, guiding them through the feelings of uncertainty with love, understanding, and support. In this blog, we will discuss strategies to support your child through their emotions and foster a positive mindset for the rest of the school year.

Identifying Signs of Back-to-School Anxiety

Back-to-school anxiety is common among students. However, recognizing the signs of anxiety in children is crucial for providing timely support and understanding. Common signs of this type of anxiety can show itself in physical symptoms such as headaches, and stomachaches, or they might say they don’t feel well, especially when school-related discussions come up.  

You might also notice behavioral changes such as increased clinginess, crying, or restlessness. Mood swings, irritability, and changes in sleep patterns can also be a sign that your child is experiencing some anxiety. However, some children may exhibit avoidance behaviors, such as resisting going to school or expressing a strong desire to stay home. Academic performance may also be affected. Your child might have their grades decline or they might become obsessively worried about their school work. 

Therapist Tip: Being attentive to these signals you can provide the necessary support and reassurance to help children cope with their emotions and navigate the back-to-school transition. 

Strategies for Supporting Your Child

1. Establish a Consistent Routine - For those with anxiety, knowing what comes next can provide a sense of stability and predictability. Create space for consistent meal times, study times, and family times. Your child might also need support with creating a routine around hygiene and self-care as well.
   

2. Encourage Expressive Arts & Journaling - Some kids have a difficult time finding the words to use to express how they are feeling. Expressive arts is a great way to release the emotions being felt through music or creating art. Journaling is a supportive tool for those who do not feel like speaking to someone about what they are feeling. Journaling provides a safe space to be fully vulnerable.
   

3. Foster a Growth Mindset - Encourage a growth mindset in your child by emphasizing the importance of learning, growth, and perseverance. Remind them that mistakes are opportunities to learn and grow and that it's okay not to have all the answers right away. This mindset shift can reduce the fear of failure and increase your child's resilience in the face of challenges.
   

4. Introduce Grounding Techniques -Teaching your child grounding techniques can support their emotional regulation for the rest of their life. Practice deep breathing, and meditation, and consider a grounding object that they can carry with them in their pocket to school.
   

5. Collaborate with a Therapist - Open communication is essential for supporting your child through their struggle, however, that doesn’t always come easy. Meeting regularly with a therapist will allow your child to engage in consistent opportunities to be vulnerable in an unbiased, non-judgmental space. 

Final Thoughts 

Supporting your child through their back-to-school anxiety requires patience, understanding, and empathy. By creating a nurturing environment at home and implementing some of the techniques above you can support your child in navigating these unknown territories. Remember that every child’s journey is unique to them, so approach this process with love, support, and flexibility. 

Also, we want to acknowledge that this is challenging and complex for parents as well. Give yourself an empathetic and non-judgmental space as you journey through this side of parenting. If you are needing support as a parent or if your child is needing support, connect with our team. We have qualified therapists who are equipped with the tools you need to move forward on this journey.

CLICK HERE to schedule your free phone consultation today. 

Additional Resources 

If you would like additional tools for supporting your child and yourself as a parent, check out the resources below.

1. The Power of Showing Up: How Parental Presence Shapes Who Our Kids Become and How Their Brains Get Wired" by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson

2. Beyond Behaviors: Using Brain Science and Compassion to Understand and Solve Children's Behavioral Challenges by Mona Delahooke 

3. How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish 

4. Anxious Kids, Anxious Parents: 7 Ways to Stop the Worry Cycle and Raise Courageous and Independent Children by Reid Wilson and Lynn Lyons

5. The 5 Love Languages of Children: The Secret to Loving Children Effectively by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell

6. Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility by Foster Cline and Jim Fay

7. Raising Good Humans: A Mindful Guide to Breaking the Cycle of Reactive Parenting and Raising Kind, Confident Kids by Hunter Clarke-Fields MSAE

8. Raising Critical Thinkers: A Parent's Guide to Growing Wise Kids in the Digital Ageby Julie Bogart

**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read the full disclosure here.

I Worry About Keeping My Child Safe, What Can I Do?

By Melody Wright, LMFT

Becoming a parent can be one of the most rewarding, exciting, and joyous times in someone’s life. It can also be one of the scariest, overwhelming, and emotional times in a parent’s life – both sets of emotions are valid and can be felt at the same time. Leading up to the arrival of a new baby, many parents talk about things to prepare for such as the cost of childcare, how to set up the nursery, and each parent’s approach to child rearing. Once a child has arrived, many parents realize that there are many important topics that may not have been on their radar prior to the child’s birth. These topics can include addressing issues that occurred during childbirth (traumatic births, unplanned c-sections, etc.), unexpected health concerns for your child, and discussing safety concerns in order to keep a child protected. All of these topics can leave a parent wondering, in a world that is full of unexpected changes and factors, how can I keep my child safe?

Keeping a child safe can look different depending on the context and setting that you’re in. Is your child a newborn? You may be trying to keep them safe from illness or unnecessary exposure to germs. Is your child a teenager? You may be trying to keep your teenager safe from cyberbullying or negative peer pressure. In a perfect world, we would be able to provide protection to our children in all settings and at all ages, yet we know this is not always feasible or realistic. Children need exposure to different settings and situations in order to learn how to navigate the world on their own. That said, we can still do our best to protect our children within certain settings, and teach our children how to stay safe. 

Keeping your child safe can include:

• Protecting them from illnesses such as RSV, the Flu, or Covid. Encourage your child to wear a mask whenever they are indoors or in crowded places. Talk with your partner about your stance and choice on vaccinations that can protect your child from respiratory and other illnesses. Remind your child to practice basic hand hygiene whenever they touch others or frequently-touched surfaces. 

• Setting boundaries with friends, family, and loved ones. Our friends and families may have the best intentions for our children, but their intentions may not always be in alignment with our parenting approach. It is important that you relay your expectations to your family members regarding their interactions with your child (no kissing your newborn’s face, asking for consent before hugging your toddler, not making negative comments regarding a challenge your teen is experiencing). If those expectations are not met, then you can decide the level of contact that you’d like to continue to have with this family member. 

• Teaching your child skills for personal safety. While we always strive to do our best to protect our children from physical harm, we know there will be a day when they will need to learn how to keep themselves safe. Whether you choose to enroll your child in a self-defense class, or use daily interactions to teach your child how to assess for danger, preparing your children to keep themselves safe can put some of your worries at ease. 

Additional resources to learn more about child safety can be found here:

• Protecting your child from Covid: https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/coronavirus-young-kids.html

• General safety tips for children: https://www.ahaparenting.com/read/top-safety-tips-kids 

If you find yourself having overwhelming thoughts that your child will be harmed or consistent worries about your child’s health and well-being, you may benefit from speaking to one of our licensed therapists. Parents who have recently welcomed a child into their home can be particularly vulnerable to experiencing a Perinatal Mood Disorder after the delivery of a new child. A mood disorder can significantly affect how often a parent worries for their child’s safety, often to the point of losing sleep or being unable to attune to their child’s needs. Support and information from a mental health provider can begin to reduce a new parent’s concerns and improve their overall mood and attunement. For more information on connecting to one of our licensed therapists, click here.