Navigating Grief During the Holidays

by Melody Wright, LMFT

The time is upon us when the world seems to burst with warmth and togetherness. The holiday season, with its twinkling lights, festive decorations, and joyful gatherings, is brimming with the promise of love and laughter. However, for those who are in the midst of a grief journey the holidays can feel like a minefield of emotions. Grief doesn’t adhere to the calendar and it doesn’t discriminate. For some, it might seem like grief is a constant companion, and the holidays might trigger it to feel like a formidable one. 

Grief can be argued as one of the most complex emotions to encounter. Typically when we hear the word grief, our thoughts take us to loss, or more specifically the loss of someone. However, grief can stem from many life-altering events in a person’s life. This can include moving, a job change or loss, the loss of a loved one or pet, divorce, and even the end of a friendship. The grieving process is like a fingerprint, it’s unique to the person experiencing it.

In this blog, we’ll discuss common symptoms of grief and provide a few mindful coping techniques to support you during this holiday season. 

Understanding Grief

While everyone experiences grief in their own way, there are a few common symptoms/emotions that can occur. Understanding these common symptoms is supportive because it helps you realize that you are not alone in your experience. Grief is a natural reaction to loss, and these emotions are a testament to the depth of the connection you shared with the person or situation you are grieving.

1. Sadness or Dispair - The most well-known emotion in grief is sadness. It's a deep, overwhelming sense of loss that can leave you feeling as though the world is a much darker place. During the holidays, when the spotlight is on happiness and festivities, these feelings can become more profound.

2. Anxiety and Stress - Grief can manifest as increased stress and anxiety. The pressure to be cheerful and participate in holiday festivities can compound these feelings, making it difficult to engage in the celebrations with the same enthusiasm as before.

3. Isolation - Grief can make people withdraw from social activities. You may feel isolated and disconnected from the joy and celebrations around them, especially during the holiday season when everyone is coming together.

4. Anger and Frustration - Grief often leads to complex emotions, including anger and frustration. This anger might be directed toward yourself, the situation you’ve endured, or even the people around you. It's essential to understand that these emotions are normal responses to the grieving journey.

5. Physical Symptoms - Grief can also manifest as physical symptoms like fatigue, headaches, and changes in appetite and sleep patterns. Because the holidays, typically come with added expectations and social activities, these physical manifestations of grief can become more pronounced.

6. Nostalgia and Longing - Grief often stirs up feelings of nostalgia and deep longing. During the holiday season, when many customs and traditions are rooted in treasured memories, the absence of a loved one can intensify these sentiments, making them even more powerful.

7. Guilt - Grief can be accompanied by feelings of guilt. You might feel guilty for not being able to join in the holiday spirit or for experiencing moments of happiness amidst your grief. It's important to remember that these feelings are part of the journey and a non-judgemental space should not be held. 

Mindfully Navigating Grief

Navigating grief during the holidays can feel like an uphill climb for some people. Yet, it’s these challenging moments where these mindful techniques can support you through this season. It’s almost as though they serve as lights along the pathway to the other side of healing. Remember that implementing these techniques serves as an act of self-compassion.

Exploring these techniques below, you can empower yourself to navigate the depths of grief with grace, ultimately finding moments of balance and peace even amidst the holiday season. 

1. Journaling: Keeping a journal gives you the opportunity to release thoughts and emotions you might not feel free to do so, out loud. It can also be a great space to write letters to the person you lost, to the person whom you feel wronged you, or letters to yourself. This can be a therapeutic way to process your feelings and track your healing journey.

2. Join a Support Group: Connect with others who are also grieving. Support groups offer a sense of community and shared experiences, which can be incredibly comforting.

3. Move Your Body: Regular exercise can help alleviate stress and boost mood. A simple walk, yoga, or other physical activity can be supportive.

4. Maintain a Routine: Sticking to a regular schedule, including sleep, eating, and daily activities can create a sense of normalcy in the mindset of turbulent times.

5. Limit Alcohol and Caffeine: Alcohol and excessive caffeine can exacerbate anxiety and stress. Reducing consumption can help regulate your emotions. This is especially important during the holidays because of how convenient these beverages are to grab at a holiday gathering.

6. Volunteer or Help Others: During this season, the opportunities to give back are endless. Volunteering or supporting someone in need can offer a sense of purpose and fulfillment, helping to combat feelings of isolation.

7. Set Realistic Expectations: It’s okay to be realistic about what you can handle during the holidays and set boundaries within yourself and with others. It's okay to decline invitations or simplify traditions to reduce stress.

8. Nourish Your Body: Proper hydration and a balanced diet can positively impact your mood and overall well-being.

9. Set Future Goals: Begin to envision your future and set new goals. It can be a positive way to focus on hope and moving forward.

10. Seek Professional Support: Consider therapy or counseling to have a safe space to express your feelings and receive expert guidance on coping with grief.

If you're looking for practical resources to support yourself during times of grief, explore our blog, “All About Grief: 6 Ways to Care for Yourself While Grieving”.

Final Thoughts

Remember that everyone's grief journey is unique, and it's essential to choose techniques that resonate with you and adapt them to your individual needs. Healing takes time, and it's a process that deserves patience, self-compassion, and ongoing self-care.

If seeking professional support is a technique you choose, consider Life By Design Therapy. We have a team who will create a warm and open space for you to move through your grief. Our therapists can also help you create a unique toolkit of techniques to meet your individual needs.

If you’re located anywhere in California, click below to schedule a free no-obligation phone consultation today. 

Additional Resources 

**If you’re interested in expanding your knowledge on grief and how to support those that are grieving, check out these books below:

1. On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler

2. The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion

3. Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief by Martha Whitmore Hickman

4. Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl

5. The Grief Recovery Handbook: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses by John W. James and Russell Friedman

6. It's Okay That You're Not Okay: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand by Megan Devine

7. The Wild Edge of Sorrow: Rituals of Renewal and the Sacred Work of Grief by Francis Weller

8. A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis

**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read full disclosure here.

All About Grief - Why Grieving Looks Different for Everyone

By Melody Wright, LMFT

If you have ever grieved anything, you understand that the process is personal and complex. It is a unique experience that cannot be compared to anyone else's, and it can manifest differently for each individual. Grieving timelines, methods of coping, and the emotions experienced by the person can be completely different than another person's experience. It’s important to remember that there is no right or wrong way to walk this process out. It can be helpful to understand how people cope with grief so that you can be better equipped to support yourself or someone else who may be going through this difficult process. 

What is Grief? 

Grief is a natural and universal response to loss. While grief is most commonly associated with the loss of a loved one, it can also be felt during the loss of an important relationship, health issues, loss of a job, and even moving to a new home. Grief can be described as a basket of emotions because you can have multiple feelings at once, even some that you might not expect. 

For instance, let’s think about an adult child caring for their parent with dementia during the final stages of their life. This caretaker watches the person they love lose themselves little by little, as well as the ability to take care of their everyday basic needs. As time moves forward, the parent passes away and the caretaker finds themselves feeling relieved and then guilty for feeling relieved. 

The reality is, while this may not have been the emotion that was anticipated for the grieving process, it’s perfectly normal and okay to feel this sense of relief and sadness at the same time.

The 5 Stages of Grief

I’m sure you have heard of The Five Stages of Grief. These guidelines are an attempt to explain the different stages of grief and the emotions that may come up. Each stage of grief has its own unique set of challenges and emotions associated with it, but they all eventually lead to acceptance of the loss. By recognizing the signs and symptoms associated with each stage, we can learn how to better manage our emotions as we move through the grieving process or support others with their process. 

The five stages of grief are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. However, as we mentioned before, grief is not a one-size-fits-all and you can experience two or three of these stages all at once. So what are some of the symptoms and emotions that are associated with each stage? 

1. Denial - you may feel easily distracted, numb, confused, or even find yourself staying busy to keep your mind off your new reality.

2. Anger - during this stage you may feel upset with yourself and others. It may come out as irritability, frustration, impatience, etc.

3. Bargaining - you may find yourself negotiating with a higher power or making deals with yourself. You may also experience guilt, shame, insecurity, and anxiety.

4. Depression - during this stage you may find yourself weeping more, feeling sadness, fear, regret, or uncertainty. There might also be changes in your appetite, sleep patterns, and energy levels.

5. Acceptance - here you will find yourself beginning to emotionally detach. You’ll have the ability to be more present, vulnerable, and engage with reality.   

Why Does Grief Look Different for Everyone? 

The answer is simply…everyone is different. We all have different stories, perspectives, and traumas that we work through during a grieving process. However you may be experiencing grief, it’s perfectly ok. There is no right and wrong way to process and you have permission to feel exactly the way you need to feel to work through your grief journey. For some, grief is a debilitating experience, and for those journeying that out, it is helping to have someone to support you in your process and provide tools to help you move forward. If you find yourself in a situation like this, consider scheduling a free phone consultation with one of our qualified clinicians here at Life By Design Therapy. 

**If you’re interested in expanding your knowledge on grief and how to support those that are grieving, check out these books below:

1. On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler

2. The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion

3. Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief by Martha Whitmore Hickman

4. Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl

5. The Grief Recovery Handbook: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses by John W. James and Russell Friedman

6. It's Okay That You're Not Okay: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand by Megan Devine

7. The Wild Edge of Sorrow: Rituals of Renewal and the Sacred Work of Grief by Francis Weller

8. A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis

**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read full disclosure here.