How to Recognize and Process Emotions When You Were Never Taught How

By Melody Wright, LMFT

Have you ever felt like your emotions were speaking a language you couldn’t understand? 

Or maybe you’ve spent years brushing feelings aside, unsure of how to face them. 

If this resonates, you’re not alone…and guess what it’s not your fault! 

For many people, myself included, understanding and processing emotions isn’t something we were taught while growing up. 

But here’s the truth, it’s never too late to learn. 

By learning to tune in to your internal conversation, and stay curious about what you’re feeling (without judging it) you’ll find that your emotions are there to guide you and heal you.

So if you’ve never been taught how to recognize and process emotions, this blog is for you. 

In this blog, we are going to talk about ways to help you decode your emotions and equip you with the tools to navigate them with compassion and clarity.

But first….

What Are Emotions For?

Emotions are a natural and essential part of being human. 

They’re your body signaling what’s happening inside you and around you. 

Far from being a weakness or inconvenience, emotions are like an internal compass, guiding you toward what’s important and helping you make sense of what you’re experiencing in the world around you.

At their core, emotions are messages from your brain and body, designed to help you survive and thrive. 

For example:

• Fear alerts you to danger, encouraging you to protect yourself.

• Anger signals that something important to you has been threatened, like your boundaries or values.

• Sadness often arises from loss or unmet needs, inviting you to slow down and reflect.

• Joy reminds you of what brings you happiness and fulfillment, encouraging connection and celebration.

Why Do We Have Emotions?

Emotions play a crucial role in our lives, but understanding them can feel confusing or overwhelming, especially if you’ve been taught to dismiss them. 

The truth is, emotions are complex and multifaceted, serving different purposes depending on how we view them. 

When you look at emotions from different perspectives, you can better understand why they’re so important and how they work to support you. 

Here are a few examples: 

1. Emotions as Survival Tools:
   Emotions help us respond quickly to threats or opportunities. Fear can trigger your fight-or-flight response, keeping you safe in dangerous situations. On the other hand, joy strengthens bonds within our relations, which is beneficial for our social and emotional well-being.

2. Emotions as Communication:
   Emotions also serve as a universal language, helping us connect with others. Think about a baby crying, without words, their sadness or discomfort communicates a need. Similarly, when you’re upset, your emotions can signal that you’re needing support

3. Emotions as Guides to Values:
   As a therapist, I often tell my clients that emotions can point you toward what matters. For example, feeling guilt might show you that your actions don’t align with your values, while pride reminds you of your accomplishments.

4. Emotions as Energy in Motion:
   Some approaches, like somatic therapy, see emotions as "energy in motion." This means emotions need to flow through you rather than be suppressed. Bottling up emotions often leads to tension, burnout, or even physical symptoms.

How to View Emotions Differently

For those of us who have been taught to suppress or ignore our emotions, or encountered emotional neglect, we tend to have a hard time connecting with our internal conversations and body sensations. 

Because of this, it can leave us unsure of how to navigate what we’re experiencing on an emotional, mental, and even physical level.  

If you desire to understand yourself more, explore deeper authenticity or begin a healing journey, the first step is shifting the perspective of “my emotions aren’t important”. 

But how do you do that?? 

I’m glad you asked! 

Here are a few ways to reframe your perspective of the emotions when they come up:

• Curiosity Over Judgment: Instead of thinking, “Why am I feeling this way?” try asking, “What is this feeling trying to tell me?”

• Messages, Not Problems: Emotions aren’t something to “fix.” They’re signals that something needs attention.

• Your Body’s Language: Emotions show up physically, too, including tight shoulders with stress, and a racing heart with excitement. Paying attention to these sensations can help you decide what you’re feeling.

You can also ground yourself with affirmations to create space for your emotions when you aren’t sure what to make of them as they come up. Here are a few:

• “It’s okay to feel this way.”

• “My emotions are valid and meaningful.”

• “This feeling will pass.”

As you begin shifting perspectives, you’ll start to rewire your brain to feelings of safety around your emotions. 

**If you would like to learn more about how emotional neglect can affect you check out my blog - How Growing Up with Emotionally Unavailable Parents Still Affects You And How to Heal

Do You Suppress Your Emotions?

Have you ever felt like you don’t really know what you’re feeling? 

Or maybe you find yourself going through life on autopilot, disconnected from your emotions and your body. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. 

It might be a sign that you’ve been suppressing your emotions.

For many, this pattern starts early. 

If you grew up in an environment where emotions weren’t acknowledged, validated, or understood, you may have learned to push them down just to get by. 

Suppressed emotions don’t just disappear, though. They tend to sneak out in other ways, such as:

• Struggling to name what you’re feeling. You might catch yourself saying, “I don’t know how I feel,” or defaulting to vague words like “fine” or “okay.”

• Feeling emotionally numb. Instead of experiencing the full range of emotions, you might feel disconnected, as though nothing really touches you deeply.

• Overreacting to small triggers. Ever find yourself snapping at someone over something minor or feeling overwhelmed by what seems like a small setback? Suppressed emotions can build up until they explode in unexpected ways.

• Physical symptoms with no clear cause. Unexplained headaches, muscle tension, or even stomach issues might be your body’s way of holding onto emotions you’ve buried.

Sound familiar? If so, it’s okay! 

These are common signs that your emotions have been ignored or suppressed for too long. 

But the good news is that recognizing these patterns is the first and most important step toward change. 

You’re not alone in this, and it’s never too late to learn how to reconnect with your emotions and let them guide you in healthy, meaningful ways.

How to Begin Tuning Into Your Emotions

As your perspectives shift around emotions from unsafe to a sense of safety, you may notice that you begin to develop something called emotional awareness. 

Now I want you to understand that developing emotional awareness takes time and practice, so remember to give yourself compassion as you learn. 

Here are some starting points you can use to begin tuning into your emotions:

• Check in with your body. Your body can hold clues about your emotional state. Tightness in your chest might indicate anxiety, a sense of heaviness could signal sadness, or a fluttering stomach might point to excitement or nervousness. Each day take a moment to scan your body from head to toe, noticing areas of tension, discomfort, or ease.

• Use tools like an emotion wheel. Expanding your emotional vocabulary beyond basic labels like “happy” or “sad” can help you identify more in-depth feelings, like “overwhelmed,” “content,” or “lonely.” This deeper understanding can also help you articulate your emotions more clearly when talking to others or journaling. You might find it helpful to keep an emotion wheel handy as a visual guide.

• Ask yourself simple questions. Pause during your day and ask, “What am I feeling right now?” or “What might have triggered this feeling?” These questions create space for self-awareness. If it feels difficult to pinpoint your emotions, ask yourself, “Where in my body do I feel this?” or “What does this feeling remind me of?”

Building emotional awareness doesn’t happen overnight, but even small steps, like pausing to check in with yourself, can create a powerful shift.

What Are Healthy Outlets for Emotional Processing?

Now that you’ve learned how to identify your emotions, the next step is figuring out how to process them. 

Processing emotions isn’t just about “feeling better”, it’s about giving your emotions the space they need to move through you, so they don’t stay stuck or come out in unhelpful ways. 

If you’ve been suppressing emotions for a long time, this can feel overwhelming or unfamiliar at first, but it’s entirely possible with practice.

Here are some strategies to help you work through your feelings in healthy, constructive ways:

• Write it out: Journaling can be a game-changer when it comes to processing emotions. Grab a notebook and let your thoughts flow without judgment. Don’t worry about structure, just write whatever comes to mind. Sometimes, seeing your emotions on paper can bring clarity and relief.

• Talk it out: Sharing your feelings with someone you trust can be incredibly freeing. Whether it’s a close friend, a family member, or a therapist, talking about what you’re feeling helps validate your experience and reminds you that you don’t have to face it alone.

• Move your body: Physical activity is one of the most underrated tools for emotional processing. Stretching, walking, dancing, or even shaking out your arms can release pent-up tension and help your emotions flow. Think of it as giving your feelings a way to exit your body.

• Get creative: Art, music, and other creative outlets are powerful ways to express emotions that words can’t capture. Whether you’re painting, writing a song, or even doodling, creativity can help you process what you’re feeling in a way that feels safe and freeing.

Why Is It Important to Reach Out for Support?

Sometimes emotions can feel overwhelming or impossible to handle on your own, and that’s completely okay. 

This is where therapy can make a difference. 

Working with a therapist is more than just “talking it out”; it’s a chance to develop the skills and self-awareness to truly connect with your emotions instead of pushing them away.

Therapy provides a safe and supportive space to explore feelings you might have ignored or suppressed. A therapist can help you:

• Identify patterns. They can guide you in uncovering habits or beliefs that may be keeping you disconnected from your emotions.

• Learn to name your emotions. Many people struggle to pinpoint exactly what they’re feeling, and therapy helps you build the emotional vocabulary to understand and express yourself.

• Tune into your body. Emotions often show up physically, and therapists trained in somatic techniques can help you notice and release these sensations in healthier ways.

• Develop coping tools. You’ll learn strategies to process and manage emotions without bottling them up or letting them take over.

Imagine what it would feel like to approach your emotions with curiosity instead of fear. Therapy can empower you to listen to what your emotions are telling you, and give you the confidence to navigate life with more clarity, self-compassion, and strength.

Reaching out for support is a powerful act of self-care. 

Our therapists here at Life By Design Therapy™ are experts at supporting emotional processing. 

Don’t wait to give yourself the tools and support you deserve, consider reaching out to us today. 

Click the button below to take the first step!

Final Thoughts

Maybe no one ever showed you how to understand or process your emotions. 

If that’s true, it’s not a reflection of your worth, it’s a reflection of what you weren’t given. 

But the good news is it’s never too late to learn.

Learning to connect with your emotions is a journey, and like any journey, there will be moments of progress and moments that challenge you. 

What matters most is showing up for yourself with kindness and patience, even on the hard days.

Each time you pause to name what you’re feeling or to sit with an emotion instead of pushing it away, you’re building a deeper relationship with yourself. 

Over time, this work will ripple outward, enriching your relationships, strengthening your sense of self, and creating a life that feels more aligned and meaningful.

Remember, you don’t have to do this alone. At Life By Design Therapy™, we specialize in holistic and somatic-based practices to help you go beyond traditional talk therapy and truly connect with yourself. 

If you’re ready to take that first step, schedule a quick phone consultation with our Coordinator [HERE]. We’re here to walk this journey with you.

This Weeks Affirmations

1. I am capable of learning to understand and process my feelings.

2. I am worthy of compassion and patience as I explore my emotional landscape.

3. Every emotion I feel is a message guiding me toward growth and healing.

4. I give myself permission to feel, express, and release my emotions in healthy ways.

5. I honor my emotions by giving them the attention and care they deserve.

Additional Resources

**If you’re interested in learning more about emotional neglect check out these books below:

1. Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner’s Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship by Stan Tatkin

2. What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing by Dr. Bruce D. Perry and Oprah Winfrey

3. Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Dr. Kristin Neff

4. Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Dr. Sue Johnson

5. The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self by Alice Miller

6. The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown

7. The Disease to Please: Curing the People-Pleasing Syndrome by Harriet B. Braiker

8. It Didn’t Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle by Mark Wolynn

9. Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson

10. Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect by Jonice Webb

**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read the full disclosure here.

10 Signs You Grew Up with Emotionally Unavailable Parents & How to Start Healing

By Melody Wright, LMFT

Have you ever felt like you’re carrying invisible baggage from your childhood like patterns, feelings, or struggles you can’t quite explain?

Maybe you’ve even caught yourself wondering, 

Why do I struggle to feel seen or heard in my relationships? 

Or 

Why do I struggle to ask for help or trust others? 

If these thoughts resonate, you’re not alone.

The effects of growing up with an emotionally unavailable parent often show up in subtle, and persistent ways, kind of like a shadow following you through life. 

Over time, this emotional void can shape your sense of self and the way you navigate relationships, often in ways that you may not fully realize until adulthood. 

These traits don’t mean there’s something wrong with you; rather, they’re a testament to your resilience and your ability to adapt to a challenging environment.

This blog isn’t about blame, it’s about understanding. 

By exploring these common traits, my hope is that you’ll feel a sense of validation and connection. 

You are not alone in your experiences, and by recognizing these patterns, you can take meaningful steps toward healing, self-acceptance, and healthier relationships.

Let’s dive into the ten traits that might feel all too familiar and explore how they came to be.

10 Signs You Grew Up With Emotional Unavailable Parents

You Struggle to Express Your Emotions

If sharing your feelings feels unnatural or even scary, it’s not because something is wrong with you. 

If you grew up in an environment where emotions were dismissed or ignored, you likely learned to suppress them for survival.

Because of this, you may have disconnected from your emotions entirely to protect yourself from hurt.

How to Begin Healing and Growing:

• Give yourself permission to feel. You can start by simply acknowledging your emotions without judgment.

• Try journaling or using an emotions chart to reconnect with your inner world.

• Share small pieces of your feelings with someone you trust, reminding yourself that it’s okay to start slow.

You Feel Like You Have to Do Everything Alone

If you identify as someone who is fiercely independent, there’s a chance your parents were unavailable to you or even made you feel like a burden. 

If this feels familiar, you may have learned early on that asking for help wasn’t an option.

While that independence is a testament to your strength, it may also leave you feeling isolated.

How to Begin Healing and Growing:

• Start small by asking for support in low-stakes situations, like help with a household task.

• Reflect on the people in your life who have shown they’re reliable and safe, and practice leaning on them gradually.

• Take time to remind yourself that allowing others to help isn’t a weakness, it’s an act of trust and connection.

You Try to Keep Everyone Else Happy

Do you find yourself bending over backward to make others happy, even at your own expense?

If this resonates, you might have grown up in an environment where love felt conditional.

Pleasing others might have been your way of avoiding conflict or earning approval.

How to Begin Healing and Growing:

• Pause before saying yes to anything and ask yourself, “Am I doing this because I want to, or because I feel like I have to?”

• Practice setting small boundaries, like turning down a request, and notice how it feels to honor your needs.

• Remind yourself that your worth is not tied to what you do for others.

You Struggle to Feel Good About Yourself

When emotional validation is lacking in childhood, kids often internalize it as a reflection of their worth. 

If you’ve ever felt like you’re not “enough,” not good enough, smart enough, or lovable enough, it’s okay. 

Many people share this experience. Please know that those feelings of unworthiness don’t define you.

How to Begin Healing and Growing:

• Challenge negative self-talk by practicing self-compassion. Speak to yourself like you would a close friend.

• Surround yourself with people who celebrate you for who you are, not just what you do.

• Practice affirmations that remind you: I am enough, just as I am.

• Utilize the R.A.I.N technique - read more about that HERE.

You Value Connection & Fear Losing It

Feeling like people might leave you can be overwhelming.

Growing up with emotional neglect may have created a deep fear that connection isn’t safe or lasting.

Did you know this fear isn’t a sign of weakness?

It’s actually your mind and body trying to protect you.

How to Begin Healing and Growing:

• Notice when fear of rejection arises and remind yourself that your past doesn’t dictate your present.

• Practice open communication with loved ones about your fears—it can help build trust and understanding.

• Consider working with a somatic therapist to explore where these fears come from and how to rewrite the narrative. 

You Find It Hard to Set Boundaries

Does saying “no” feel impossible or asserting your needs brings up feelings of guilt?

Many adults who grew up with emotionally unavailable parents learned to prioritize others’ needs while ignoring their own. 

But your needs matter, too.

How to Begin Healing and Growing:

• Start with small boundaries, like taking 10 minutes of alone time when you need it.

• Practice saying something like, “I can’t do that right now, but I appreciate you asking”, to build confidence.

• Remind yourself that boundaries don’t push people away, they strengthen relationships by cultivating mutual respect.

You’re Drawn to Emotionally Unavailable Partners

Do you find yourself in relationships where your needs aren’t met, yet you stay, hoping things will change? 

It’s not your fault.

We often unconsciously gravitate toward what feels familiar, even when it’s painful.

How to Begin Healing and Growing:

• Reflect on what feels familiar in your relationships and ask yourself if it serves you.

• Seek relationships that demonstrate consistency, empathy, and emotional availability.

• Start with you. Work on loving and validating yourself first, so you’re less likely to seek it from unavailable people.

You’re Consistently on Edge in Relationships

Do you constantly anticipate conflict or withdrawal, even when there’s no clear reason?

Growing up in an unpredictable environment can train your nervous system to stay on high alert. 

This hypervigilance may have been your way of staying safe as a child.

Remember to have compassion for yourself as you navigate regulating your nervous system.

How to Begin Healing and Growing:

• Practice grounding techniques, like deep breathing or mindfulness, to calm your nervous system.

• Remind yourself that not every change in mood signals danger, it’s okay to pause before reacting.

• Therapy like EMDR and Somatic can help you retrain your brain to feel safe in healthy, stable relationships.

You Find It Hard to Trust People

If trusting others feels impossible, it’s not because you’re “broken.”

When caregivers were unreliable or dismissive, you likely learned to rely on yourself.

Trusting others now can feel risky, but it’s a skill that can be developed.

How to Begin Healing and Growing:

• Start small by noticing who in your life has shown consistency and care.

• Practice sharing little pieces of yourself and see how others respond. It’s okay to go slow.

• Reflect on the fact that trust grows in increments, not all at once, and that’s okay.

You Feel Like You Have to Be Perfect

If you’ve spent your life striving for perfection, it might be because you felt like nothing you did was ever “good enough” growing up.

Overachieving might have been your way of trying to earn love or avoid criticism, but it’s a heavy burden to carry.

How to Begin Healing and Growing:

• Celebrate progress over perfection, and acknowledge the effort you put in, even when things aren’t flawless.

• Give yourself permission to rest and remind yourself that your value isn’t tied to what you achieve.

• Work on embracing imperfection as part of being human, it’s what makes you real and relatable.

Final Thoughts

The traits you’ve developed aren’t flaws, they’re survival mechanisms that helped you navigate a challenging environment. 

Here’s the good news, they don’t have to define you anymore!

With awareness, self-compassion, and support, you can begin to rewrite the patterns and step into a life where your emotional needs are met, both by yourself and others.

Healing is a journey, but every small step is a testament to your strength and resilience. 

You are worthy of love, care, and connection, and it’s never too late to begin. 

If you’re ready to take that next step, therapy can provide a safe and supportive space to guide you on your journey. 

Reach out today and let’s begin this process together. 

CLICK HERE to schedule a phone consultation. 

This Weeks Affirmations

1. I am enough, just as I am. I don’t need to prove my worth.

2. I can embrace imperfection as a part of being human.

3. My past shaped me, but it doesn’t define who I am today.

4. I deserve relationships where I feel seen, heard, and valued.

5. It’s okay to ask for help. I don’t have to do everything alone.

Additional Resources 

**If you’re interested in learning more about growing up with emotionally unavailable parents check out these books below:

1. Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson

2. Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect by Jonice Webb

3. It Didn’t Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle by Mark Wolynn

4. Mother Hunger: How Adult Daughters Can Understand and Heal from Lost Nurturance, Protection, and Guidance by Kelly McDaniel

5. Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner’s Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship by Stan Tatkin

6. What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing by Dr. Bruce D. Perry and Oprah Winfrey

7. Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Dr. Kristin Neff

8. Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Dr. Sue Johnson

9. The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self by Alice Miller

10.  The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown

**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read the full disclosure here.

Winter Blues vs. Seasonal Depression: Key Differences and How to Cope Effectively

By Melody Wright, LMFT

The air is crisp, the leaves are long gone, and the days seem to end before they’ve even begun. 

You’ve swapped sunny afternoons for gray skies and cozy blankets, but somewhere in this seasonal shift, you start to feel... different. 

Less motivated, more irritable. 

Maybe you’re staying in bed longer or dodging social plans that once lit you up.

If this feels familiar, you might be wondering, What’s happening to me? 

Let’s see if I can help answer that looming question, and most importantly, let’s talk about what you can do to feel better.

Can The Season Really Shift My Mood?

First, you’re not imagining it. 

The shorter days and reduced sunlight in the fall and winter months can have a real impact on your body and mind. 

Did you know that sunlight helps regulate your internal clock, mood, and even energy levels?

When there’s less of it, combined with colder weather keeping you indoors, it can leave you feeling a little “off”.

This shift can look different for everyone. 

For some, it’s a mild case of the “winter blues,” where you feel a little sluggish but can still power through. 

For others, it develops into Seasonal Affective Disorder, which is more commonly known as Seasonal Depression. 

Surprisingly, this is actually a form of depression that can significantly impact your life.

What is the Difference Between Winter Blues & Seasonal Depression (SAD)?

The winter blues are usually tied to something specific like holiday stress, financial burdens or feeling homesick. 

It’s an adjustment, but not one that should feel overwhelming. 

You might be groaning about the weather or fantasizing about summer, but you’re still able to function and get through your day. 

So what are the signs you should look out for? 

Winter Blues are common and tend to show up as:

1. Feeling a bit more tired or irritable than usual.

2. Preferring cozy nights at home over big social outings.

3. Struggling to stay as productive or motivated.

4. Possible changes in sleep patterns

It's completely normal to experience some shifts with a change in the seasons. These feelings should only last for a short time and can be easily managed with self-care and a dash of compassion. 

Seasonal Depression or Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), on the other hand, can be more serious. 

It’s not just feeling “off”, it’s an actual clinically recognized condition. 

According to the DSM-5 (the manual therapists use to diagnose mental health conditions), SAD is a form of depression with a seasonal pattern. 

If you’re struggling with Seasonal Affective Disorder you might experience…

1. Persistent sadness or low mood that doesn’t go away.

2. Loss of interest in things you normally love.

3. Sleeping too much (or struggling to sleep at all).

4. Changes in appetite (hello, carb cravings) or even significant weight loss.

5. Fatigue or low energy that feels impossible to shake.

6. Difficulty concentrating.

7. Feelings of hopelessness or even thoughts of self-harm.

So what is the key difference?

With Seasonal Affective Disorder, these symptoms interfere with your daily life including your work, relationships, and possibly, the ability to take care of yourself. 

On the other hand, the Winter Blues is short-term and you can function normally throughout your day. 

How Do You Know When It’s Time to Get Help?

You might be wondering: Where’s the line between “just a tough season” and something I need help with? 

I’m glad you asked. 

Here are a few signs it’s time to reach out to a licensed professional:

1. Your mood feels heavy or hopeless for more than 2 weeks.

2. You’re withdrawing from people or activities that usually bring you joy.

3. You’re struggling to function. Whether that’s keeping up at work, maintaining routines, or connecting with loved ones.

4. You feel stuck, like no matter what you do, you can’t pull yourself out of it.

If this sounds like you, know this: you don’t have to go through it alone. 

Meeting with a therapist can help you understand what’s happening and guide you toward relief.

What Are Some Coping Strategies for Winter Blues and Seasonal Affective Disorder?

Whether you’re navigating a seasonal slump or managing S.A.D., there are steps you can take to feel better. Here are some tips to help you through:

1. Chase the Light

Did you know that daylight is one of the most powerful tools to combat low mood during the colder months? 

Try to spend time outdoors during the brightest part of the day, even if it’s cloudy. 

Something as simple as a short walk can make a difference. You can even bundle up with your favorite warm beverage to make your walk cozy if it’s chilly outside.  

At home, keep your blinds open and sit near windows whenever possible to soak in natural light. 

Of course, if sunlight feels elusive, consider using a light therapy box. These lights mimic natural sunlight and have been shown to help regulate mood and energy levels.

2. Keep Moving

I know this can be a challenging one when you’re feeling down, and that’s okay. 

Exercise isn’t just good for your body; it’s a powerful way to boost your mood and energy. 

Whether it’s yoga or a full workout, movement releases endorphins, which can help lift your spirits. 

Remember you don’t have to go all out, even gentle activity can make a noticeable difference. 

Plus, regular movement can help improve sleep quality, which often takes a hit during this time of year.

3. Stay Social

When the urge to hibernate sets in, it can be easy to retreat from friends and family, but staying connected can be a vital lifeline for you during this time. 

Human connection helps counteract feelings of loneliness and keeps you engaged with the world around you, which can be a huge mood booster.

Try reaching out to loved ones, even if it’s for a casual chat or a coffee date. 

4. Stick to a Routine

The disruption of routines, whether it’s irregular sleep patterns or inconsistent meals, can exacerbate mood swings. 

Try to establish a steady daily rhythm that includes regular wake-up and bedtime hours, balanced meals, and time for self-care. 

This structure can provide stability and a sense of normalcy, even when everything outside feels unpredictable.

5. Nourish Your Body and Mind

Did you know that what you eat can directly influence how you feel? It’s always beneficial to aim for balanced meals to help sustain your energy throughout the day. 

Listen to your body and eat foods that make you feel good physically and not weighed down or sluggish. 

It’s also important to support your mental well-being.

Consider activities that help you decompress, like journaling, meditation, or simply setting aside time to read or enjoy a favorite hobby.

6. Seek Professional Support

Sometimes, coping strategies aren’t enough on their own, and that’s okay. 

If your symptoms feel overwhelming or persist despite your efforts, reaching out to a mental health professional can provide the support you need. 

Therapy can equip you with tools to manage symptoms, and in some cases, medication may be recommended to address the more severe effects of Seasonal Affective Disorder.

Final Thoughts

If the darker months are weighing on you, know that it’s not a reflection of your strength or resilience. 

Seasonal changes affect close to 380 million people every year, and there’s no shame in feeling the effects. 

What’s important is recognizing how you feel and taking steps, big or small, to prioritize your mental health.

This winter, be kind to yourself. Rest when you need to, connect when you’re able, and remember: brighter days, both literally and figuratively, are ahead. ☀️

This Weeks Affirmations

1. It’s okay to ask for help when I need it; support is a strength, not a weakness.

2. I am not defined by the challenges I face during this season.

3. My worth is not tied to my productivity or energy level.

4. I choose to focus on what I can control, one moment at a time.

5. I am allowed to feel what I feel without judgment.

Additional Resources 

**If you’re interested in learning more about navigating depression check out these books below:

1. The Upward Spiral: Using Neuroscience to Reverse the Course of Depression, One Small Change at a Time by Alex Korb

2. Reasons to Stay Alive by Matt Haig

3. The Depression Cure: The 6-Step Program to Beat Depression without Drugs by Stephen S. Ilardi

4. Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions by Johann Hari

5. The Feeling Good Handbook by David D. Burns

6. The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion

7. Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl

8. It's Okay That You're Not Okay: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand by Megan Devin

9. The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living by Russ Harris

10. The Art of Letting Go by Miles Niska

**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read the full disclosure here.

7 Strategies for Surviving Holiday Gatherings

By Melody Wright, LMFT

It’s hard to believe but the holidays are right around the corner.

For some, they are a time of joy and bliss, but for others, the holidays might bring unwanted stress. 

I can’t tell you how many stories I’ve heard from people who look forward to the season but secretly dread the pressures that come with it. 

Despite our best intentions, it can feel like those pressures bubble up year after year, especially during gatherings.

So, why does that happen? Why does the stress of holiday gatherings feel so overwhelming? 

Part of it has to do with family dynamics, but our own stress often plays a big role, sometimes without us even realizing it. 

Fortunately, once I understood the reasons behind this pattern, I discovered a few simple strategies that help manage the stress and bring a little more peace to the season.

Here’s what I’ve learned along the way.

Why Conflicts Escalate During the Holidays

If you’ve ever walked into a family gathering with a sense of dread, anticipating an awkward conversation or simmering argument, you’re not alone. 

Holiday gatherings can amplify family tensions for many reasons. 

However, the pressure we place on ourselves to make everything "perfect" contributes to as much stress as family dynamics do. 

When we blend high expectations with old family tensions, the holidays can easily become a time of emotional strain.

Understanding the different stressors, both internal and external, can help us approach gatherings with less pressure, more patience, and a healthier mindset.

Are Your Holiday Expectations Set Too High?

During the holidays, many of us push ourselves to create the “perfect” experience. You know the experience of a beautifully decorated home, a festive meal, and the seamless gift exchanges. 

Sometimes we hold an idealized picture of how it should all go, hoping for a flawless, joyous day. However, this high bar we set for ourselves can possibly become a double-edged sword. 

When reality falls short of these expectations, it can be easy to feel like we’ve failed or missed the mark, and that frustration can spill over onto those around us. 

Combined with family dynamics, this personal pressure can fuel misunderstandings, magnify small tensions, and create a sense of disappointment that leaves everyone feeling strained.

Are You Holding onto Old Grudges and
Unresolved Issues?

It’s no secret that family gatherings have a way of stirring up the past.

Maybe it’s an old argument that never quite got resolved or some long-standing sibling rivalry.

When we’re around family we haven’t seen in a while, those unresolved issues tend to come up, even when you least expect it.

It’s almost like the past sneaks into the present, and suddenly, small disagreements can spiral into something much bigger.

Are Stress and Exhaustion Weighing You Down?

The holidays are exhausting.

Between shopping, cooking, traveling, and trying to please everyone, you might find yourself running on fumes by the time the big family event rolls around.

And when you’re tired, it’s easy for your patience levels to wear thin.

Things that wouldn’t normally bother you, can feel like a much bigger deal than it might be. 

Is Financial Pressure Adding to the Stress?

This one might be tough to talk about, but it’s real. 

The financial strain of the holidays comes from buying gifts, hosting dinners, or traveling to see family and it can really add up. 

It’s easy for those money worries to bleed into family interactions, even when we don’t mean for them to.

Are You Feeling Grief or Loneliness This Holiday Season?

For those of you who’ve lost someone, or are going through a breakup or divorce, the holidays can be especially hard.

When grief is present it might show up as irritability or withdrawal.

There might even be some years where grief makes this holiday harder than the last.

Grief is such a personal experience which makes it tough because not everyone understands what’s really going on inside.

Now that we've gone over why conflicts escalate during the holidays, lets explore way to manage the pressures and conflicts that occur during holiday gatherings. 

7 Ways To Manage The Pressures Of The Holiday Gatherings

So, how do we handle all of this without letting the conflict take over? Here are a few strategies that can make a big difference as you navigate upcoming family functions:

Set Realistic Expectations

One thing we need to consider is where these expectations come from. Are they coming from us or the expectations of others? 

Actionable Step: Pause and journal out your thoughts. What expectations are you putting on yourself? Where do they stem from? What expectations are coming from others and why do we feel it necessary to meet them?

The truth is, nothing is ever perfect, because everyone has a different perspective of what “perfect” is.

And that’s okay.

When we are able to release the pressure of meeting certain expectations, disappointment has the opportunity to fade away. 

Remember, the holidays are about connection, not perfection, and keeping that in mind can really help lower your stress levels.

Recognize Responsibility

If you’re someone who considers yourself a people pleaser, the holidays might be especially tough.

I understand, you desire for everyone to be happy, and when family conflicts start, you might feel like it's on you to smooth things over.

I want to remind you that you are not responsible for the emotions of others. 

If tensions flare or arguments break out, it’s not your job to fix everything.
You can’t control how others react, only how you respond.

Do your best to detach from the outcome of the conflict and focus on staying calm and centered.

Remind yourself that it’s okay to set boundaries and you’re not being selfish by taking care of your own mental and emotional well-being.

This might be surprising, but you’ll actually be in a better position to contribute to a healthier, more peaceful atmosphere without taking on the weight of everyone else’s emotions.

This holiday season, give yourself permission to let go of the need to please everyone and remember that your peace is just as important as anyone else’s.

Practicing Active Listening

I’ve found that when tensions rise, listening is my best tool.

Not just listening to respond, but really listening to understand.

When someone else is upset, try to pause and listen without interrupting.

It’s amazing how much it can diffuse a situation just by allowing the other person to feel heard.

Often it’s not about solving the problem right away, but about giving people space to express themselves.

Take Breaks

When things start to feel tense, it’s okay to step away.

Actionable Step: Consider going for a walk or finding a quiet space for a few minutes.

For some powering through is what you’re used to doing, but I want to encourage you to give yourself permission to take a break.

When you’re able to reset you can come back feeling calmer and more patient.

Avoid Sensitive Topics

When things start to feel tense, it’s okay to step away.

Actionable Step: Consider going for a walk or finding a quiet space for a few minutes.

For some powering through is what you’re used to doing, but I want to encourage you to give yourself permission to take a break.

When you’re able to reset you can come back feeling calmer and more patient.

Avoid Sensitive Topics

Let’s be honest, with it being an election year it might be tougher to avoid sensitive topics, but every family has hot-button conversations that are better left alone.

Whether it’s politics, religion, or unresolved family issues, sometimes it is just best to steer clear of those topics during the holidays. 

If you feel one starting, I’ll gently change the subject to something lighter. Sometimes, agreeing to disagree is the best way to keep the peace.

Actionable Step: Try preparing redirection phases before your family gathering. For example, “Oh, that’s a big topic, but I would love to hear what you’ve been up to lately, how’s ___ going?”

Address Issues Beforehand

If there’s a lingering issue between you and a family member, it might be better to address it before the holiday gathering.

By having a conversation ahead of time, even just a brief phone call, you can clear the air and prevent unresolved tension from turning into conflict during the holidays.

However, I know how intimidating that can be. 

To feel more comfortable addressing issues beforehand, choose a calm, distraction-free time and approach the conversation with kindness, using "I" statements to focus on your feelings rather than blame.

Practicing what you want to say can boost your confidence, and starting with small, neutral topics can ease into more difficult discussions.

Remember that it's okay to set boundaries and pause the conversation if needed.

Try to end on a positive note, acknowledging the effort and focusing on the shared goal of having a peaceful, enjoyable holiday.

Let Go of the Small Stuff

Not everything is worth a fight.

I know sometimes it feels like we need to engage in every argument, but feeling the need to prove ourselves can be exhausting.

Remember this holiday, the goal is to keep our peace. 

Embracing the idea of letting go of the little things can ensure that this happens for you.

In the grand scheme of things, does it really matter if you don’t win that debate or if someone has a different opinion?

Choosing to let go doesn’t mean giving up or being passive, it means valuing your inner self and the well-being of your family over being “right.”

It’s freeing to realize that not every disagreement needs to be resolved, and sometimes the best response is no response at all.

final reflections

The holidays can certainly be challenging, but with a bit of patience and a few thoughtful strategies, it’s possible to manage the stress while still enjoying the season.

It’s not about creating a picture-perfect holiday or avoiding every conflict, instead, it’s about finding ways to stay grounded and nurture meaningful connections with the people we care about.

What truly matters are those moments of laughter, shared meals, and quiet connections that bring us together.

Family conflicts may arise, and that’s okay.

They don’t have to define the season.

This Weeks Affirmations 

1. I release the need to control the situation and focus on my own well-being.

2. I honor my emotions without letting them overwhelm me.

3. I choose connection and love over the need to be right.

4. I am capable of creating a joyful, peaceful holiday, no matter what comes my way.

5. I respond with kindness and patience, even when tensions rise.

Additional Resources

**If you’re interested in learning more about communication tips & managing stress check out these books below:

1. Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life by Henry Cloud and John Townsend 

2. Setting Boundaries with Difficult People: Six Steps to Sanity for Challenging Relationships by David J. Lieberman

3. Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life" by Marshall B. Rosenberg

4. The Dance of Connection: How to Talk to Someone When You’re Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated, Insulted, Betrayed, or Desperate by Harriet Lerner

5. Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha by Tara Brach

6. The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment by Eckhart Tolle

7. Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski

8. The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown

9. How to Love (Mindfulness Essentials) by Thich Nhat Hanh 

10. Where to Draw the Line: How to Set Healthy Boundaries Every Day by Anne Katherine

**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read the full disclosure here.

9 Strategies to Thrive in Uncertain Times

By Melody Wright, LMFT

With the state of the world, so many of us are experiencing a common issue…uncertainty. 

Uncertainty can feel overwhelming. 

We’ve all been there. 

Standing at the edge of the unknown. 

Wondering what to do, or what the next step should be. 

Whether it’s about your job, your health, finances, economic strain, the upcoming election, or life simply not going according to plan. It’s no secret that facing uncertainty can stir up anxiety and leave you feeling powerless.

However, I want you to remember that you’re not alone in this. 

There’s a part of our humanity that craves a sense of control. 

In fact, we are wired for safety and predictability.

However, while you can’t predict the future, there are ways to handle uncertainty that can help bring peace and balance into your life. 

You don’t have to have all the answers right now, but with the right strategies, you can navigate the unknown with a little more confidence—and hopefully a lot less stress.

Let’s dive into some practical ways to help you stay grounded, even when things feel unsteady. 

9 Ways to Stay Grounded in Uncertainty

Acknowledge Your Feelings

Take a moment to think about how you’re feeling right now. 

A good step to dealing with uncertainty is to acknowledge how you’re feeling. 

Whether it’s fear, worry, or frustration, try not to push these emotions away. Embracing the discomfort allows you to better understand and manage the situation, rather than being controlled by it. 

Actionable Step: Consider journaling, talking to a trusted friend, or simply sitting with your thoughts to help you process these feelings.

Focus on What You Can Control

Uncertainty often amplifies the sense of helplessness. 

Instead of dwelling on what’s unknown or outside your control, redirect your focus to things you can manage. 

This might include your daily routine, how you spend your time, or how you care for your mental and physical health. 

Actionable Step: Small actions, like getting enough sleep, exercising, or scheduling a time to relax, can provide a sense of control in the chaos. 

If you would like to learn more about the benefits of self-care, check out our blog Reclaim YOU: 8 Ways to Prioritize Your Well-Being.

Ask Yourself: What are some things that are in your control right now? What are some things you can let go of?

Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness teaches us to stay grounded in the present moment, which can be a powerful tool when faced with uncertainty. 

Instead of ruminating on worst-case scenarios or future anxieties, consider the present moment. Mindfulness encourages us to focus on what’s happening right now. 

Techniques such as deep breathing, guided meditation, or simply taking a few minutes to observe your surroundings can help calm the mind and reduce stress.

Actionable Step: If you are struggling with anxiety building up, take a moment and find 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. Practicing this mindfulness activity supports being present in the moment and engaging not only with your environment but also with your body. 

If you would like additional mindfulness & grounding techniques, check out our free eBook, The Mind-Body Toolkit! 

Embrace Adaptability

In times of uncertainty, it’s natural to feel a strong desire for control and predictability. 

However, embracing adaptability can transform your experience. 

Consider allowing yourself the grace to explore different outcomes and be open to adjusting your expectations as situations evolve. 

For example, instead of viewing uncertainty as a source of fear, try seeing it as a canvas for new possibilities. 

By permitting yourself to adapt, you can discover strengths you may not have known you had and find creative solutions to the challenges ahead.

Remember, it’s okay to take your time in this process—flexibility is a skill that develops over time.

Nurture Your Mind

With the constant updates and information thrown our way every day, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the noise. 

While staying informed is important, it’s equally important to nurture your mental well-being. 

Actionable Steps: Consider setting boundaries around how much information you consume each day. Take breaks from the news and social media to create space for things that bring balance and peace to your life. 

Actionable Step: This might look like reading a comforting book, enjoying nature, or engaging in a hobby you love. Remember, it’s perfectly okay to step back and prioritize your mental health; you deserve moments of calm.

Cultivate Gratitude

Gratitude is a powerful antidote to anxiety. 

When you regularly reflect on what you’re thankful for, your mindset shifts from lack to what’s abundant in your life.

This doesn’t mean ignoring real challenges but rather balancing them with the positives.

You might find it helpful to keep a gratitude journal or take a few moments each day to think of something you appreciate that can cultivate a more hopeful outlook.

Actionable Step: Consider starting your day off with your gratitude moment. It can shift your entire day toward peace and balance.

Focus on Growth, Not Perfection

So many of us struggle with uncertainty because we feel pressure to get everything right or have a clear path forward.

Take a moment to consider where this pressure might come from.

Are you carrying the pressure of someone else's expectations or are you connecting with what is best for you? 

Remember that perfection is an illusion. 

Everyone has their own idea of what "perfect" looks like, which makes it impossible to meet everyone's standards.

It’s important to release the need for perfection and instead focus on progress. Focusing on the progress will help you stay present and provide a sense of accomplishment.

Have a Plan, And Stay Open

It’s perfectly natural to set goals and make plans, even when life feels uncertain. 

Having a sense of direction can provide comfort and purpose, helping to alleviate feelings of uncertainty.

However, it’s important to approach your plans with a sense of openness and curiosity. 

By allowing yourself the flexibility to adapt when circumstances shift, you’ll be able to adjust your goals with ease as you navigate new experiences. 

Stay Connected to Your Values

When everything feels uncertain, grounding yourself in your core values can offer a profound sense of purpose and stability. 

Actionable Step: Take a moment to reflect on what truly matters to you. 

Consider family, kindness, creativity, or integrity as examples.

By staying connected to your values and priorities, you can navigate decisions with clarity and confidence.

Final Thoughts

Dealing with uncertainty is never easy, but with the right tools, you can face it with more resilience and grace. 

Acknowledging your feelings, staying connected to your values, focusing on what you can control, and embracing adaptability in your thinking all support stress management, anxiety, and the overwhelm of uncertainty. 

Take a moment to reflect on how you manage uncertainty in your life. 

Consider some of the strategies discussed here and incorporate them into your daily routine.

This Weeks Affirmations

1. Uncertainty is part of life, and I trust in my ability to move forward.

2. I trust myself to handle whatever challenges come my way.

3. I am resilient, adaptable, and capable of navigating the unknown.

4. I welcome flexibility and trust that everything will unfold as it should.

5. I allow myself to be present in this moment, free from fear of the future.

Additional Resources 

**If you’re interested in learning more about overcoming uncertainty check out these books below:

1. Everything is Figureoutable by Marie Forleo

2. Radical Uncertainty: Decision-Making Beyond the Numbers by John Kay & Mervyn King

3. The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment by Eckhart Tolle

4. The Upside of Uncertainty: A Guide to Finding Possibility in the Unknown by Nathan Furr & Susannah Harmon Furr

5. The Art of Uncertainty: How to Live in the Mystery of Life and Love It by Dennis Merritt Jones

6. Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance by Angela Duckworth

7. Uncertainty: Turning Fear and Doubt into Fuel for Brilliance by Jonathan Fields

8. Rising Strong: How the Ability to Reset Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Brené Brown

9. The Obstacle Is the Way: The Timeless Art of Turning Trials into Triumph by Ryan Holiday

10. My Age of Anxiety: Fear, Hope, Dread, and the Search for Peace of Mind by Scott Stossel

**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read the full disclosure here.

11 Warning Signs That Your Personal Ambitions Are Putting Strain on Your Relationship

By Melody Wright, LMFT

Do you ever wonder if your personal ambitions are coming at a cost to your relationship? Balancing individual goals with the needs of a partnership can be challenging, and sometimes, the scales tip too far in one direction. Understanding the signs that your personal goals might be negatively affecting your relationship can help you find a healthier balance and ensure that both your aspirations and your relationship thrives. 

Here are 11 signs to watch for:

1. Increased Tension and Arguments

Are you noticing more frequent arguments with your partner? When personal goals start taking precedence over your relationship, tension can escalate. This tension can stem from underlying resentment if your partner feels undervalued or sidelined by your ambitions. Disagreements over time management, priorities, and support can become common, leading to a strained relationship and feelings of disconnect.

2. Decreased Quality Time

Spending less time together is a significant sign. If you're too focused on achieving your personal goals, the quality time you spend with your partner might decrease. You may start feeling more like roommates than partners, with separate lives that rarely intersect meaningfully. This can lead to feelings of neglect and isolation, causing a rift in your bond and connection.

3. Lack of Communication

Communication breakdown is another red flag. When personal goals dominate your thoughts, you may find it challenging to communicate effectively with your partner.  For instance, imagine you're focused on advancing in your career and have less time to discuss household responsibilities with your partner. This lack of communication could lead to misunderstandings and unresolved conflicts, such as disagreements over who is responsible for certain tasks or feeling disconnected from each other's daily lives. Clear and open communication is crucial to maintaining harmony and understanding in any relationship.

4. Emotional Distance

Feeling emotionally distant from your partner? This can often happens when personal ambitions overshadow relationship needs. As you focus more on your personal goals, emotional distance can grow. You may find yourselves drifting apart, with less emotional intimacy and connection. Emotional distance can create a sense of loneliness, dissatisfaction, and unappreciation, weakening the emotional bond between you and your partner.

5. Imbalance in Priorities

Are your priorities shifting? If personal goals consistently come before your relationship, it indicates an imbalance. This imbalance can cause frustration and resentment, making your partner feel undervalued and unimportant.

6. Neglecting Relationship Responsibilities

Ignoring or postponing relationship responsibilities can be a clear sign. When personal goals take center stage, you might neglect duties and commitments within the relationship. This neglect can lead to a buildup of unresolved issues and dissatisfaction.

7. Increased Stress and Anxiety

Do you feel more stressed and anxious? Striving to achieve personal goals while maintaining a relationship can be overwhelming. This increased stress can affect both your mental health and the health of your relationship, diminishing the quality of your interactions and making it harder to be present or maintain a positive, supportive connection. For instance, deadlines at work combined with the pressure to spend quality time with your partner can create a cycle of stress that impacts your ability to relax and enjoy each other's company. Finding effective ways to manage stress and prioritize self-care is crucial to preserving both your well-being and the harmony of your relationship.

8. Diminished Intimacy

Is your intimate life suffering? A decline in physical and emotional intimacy often occurs when personal goals consume your time and energy. This can lead to feelings of rejection and frustration, further straining the relationship. For example, if you're constantly working late to meet career objectives, you might unintentionally neglect quality time with your partner, causing them to feel disconnected and unappreciated. It's crucial to balance personal ambitions with nurturing intimacy to sustain a healthy relationship.

9. Partner's Feelings of Insecurity

Does your partner seem insecure? When personal goals overshadow relationship needs, your partner may start feeling insecure and unsure of their place in your life. This insecurity can lead to trust issues and emotional turmoil. For example, if you frequently prioritize your personal goals over spending time with your partner or reassuring them of your commitment, they may begin to doubt your feelings or the stability of the relationship.

To address this, it's important to regularly reaffirm your love and commitment to your partner. Schedule dedicated time for them amidst your busy schedule, and openly discuss how you can support each other's goals while nurturing the relationship. Building trust through consistent communication and thoughtful gestures can help alleviate feelings of insecurity and strengthen your bond.

If you’re interested in more tips and strategies, check out our blog, Balancing Personal Goals & Relationships: Pursuing Dreams While Nurturing Your Relationship.

10. Lack of Support

Are you providing enough support? Balancing personal goals and a relationship requires mutual support. If your partner feels unsupported, it can lead to resentment and conflict. A one-sided relationship, where only one partner's needs are met, is unsustainable and can lead to dissatisfaction and eventual breakdown. Ensure that you offer the necessary support to maintain a healthy relationship.

11. Unresolved Conflicts

Are conflicts going unresolved? Personal goals can cause you to avoid addressing relationship issues. Unresolved conflicts can accumulate, leading to a toxic environment and potential relationship breakdown.

If you’re enjoying this blog post, check out our blog, "What Should I Do If My Partner Doesn't Support My Personal Goals?" for further insights and strategies on navigating this common relationship challenge. Discover practical advice and tips to foster understanding and mutual support in your relationship journey.

final Thoughts

Balancing personal goals with relationship needs is crucial for maintaining a healthy, supportive partnership. If you recognize these signs in your relationship, it's important to take a step back and reassess your priorities. Open communication, mutual support, and a willingness to compromise can help you find a balance that allows both your personal ambitions and your relationship to flourish.

This Weeks Affirmations

1. I am committed to cultivating a supportive environment where both my goals and my relationship thrive.

2. Awareness of potential challenges helps me navigate them with empathy and resilience, fostering a harmonious partnership.

3. I prioritize open communication and mutual understanding to nurture both my goals and my relationship.

4. Balancing personal aspirations with my partner's needs strengthens our bond and fosters mutual growth.

5. I respect and value my partner’s feelings as I pursue my dreams.

Additional Resources

**If you’re interested in learning more about setting personal goals and relationships, check out the books below!

1. Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl

2. Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller

3. Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Brené Brown

4. The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman

5. The Relationship Cure: A 5-Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships by John Gottman

6. Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall B. Rosenberg

7. How to Love (Mindfulness Essentials) by Thich Nhat Hanh

8. Atomic Habits by James Clear

9. Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear by Elizabeth Gilbert

10. The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself by Michael A. Singer

**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read the full disclosure here.

Self Care Checklist: 8 Ways to Replenish Your Mental and Emotional Reserves

By Melody Wright, LMFT

Are you feeling overwhelmed and stressed? 

Maybe you’re even feeling like you’re at a breaking point where it’s difficult to focus or stay motivated throughout your day. 

If this is you, I want to ask you a question. 

What have you done for you lately? 

Now, I’m not talking about those moments when you binge the latest TV series. I’m talking about intentional connection with yourself and well-being. 

For many of us, this is a difficult thing to do. We live in a world where hustle culture is viewed as a success, and devoting all our time and energy to raising our kids is the model of a good parent. But what good is it if the hustle and bustle drains, overwhelms, and stresses us out? Imagine trying to water a garden with an empty watering can. No matter how much you want to help the plants grow, you can't give what you don't have. 

First, please know that life doesn’t have to be this way.

Taking the time to nurture yourself and fill your cup will enhance your ability to cope with stress, improve your relationships, and cultivate a life you love. Let’s talk about some ways you can fill your cup and restore your well-being. 

8 8 Ways to Replenish Your Mental and Emotional Reserves

We’ve discussed why it’s important to make time for yourself but how or what can you do to engage in connecting with your internal self and experience a sense of balance? 

Let’s talk about it.

Alone Time: When was the last time you spent intentional time alone? Spending time alone can help you recharge and reconnect with yourself. It allows you to reflect on your thoughts and feelings without external distractions. Whether it’s a solo walk, a quiet morning with your coffee, or an hour spent on a hobby, alone time is a great way to support a balanced and peaceful state of mind.

Nature: Connecting with nature has been shown to lower levels of anxiety and depression, making it a powerful tool for emotional well-being. Spending time outdoors, whether it's a walk in the park, a hike in the mountains, or simply sitting in your backyard, can significantly reduce stress and improve your mood. If you would like to learn more about how nature can support your mental health, check out our blog on Ecotherapy.

Creation: Engaging in creative activities can be very fulfilling and therapeutic in many ways. It can be anything from painting, cooking, writing, pottery, or playing an instrument. Creating something with your hands can boost your mood and provide a sense of accomplishment. Participating in creative activities allows you to express yourself, process emotions, and escape the daily stressors.

Nourishment: Yes, it’s true, you need more than a protein bar and a cup of coffee to fuel your body well. Eating a balanced diet can improve your energy levels and overall health. Nourishment directly impacts your mood, energy levels, and mental clarity, making it a key piece for both physical and emotional health. Also, don’t forget to drink your water!

Movement: Find ways to move your body that you enjoy! Whether it’s yoga, running, dancing, or simply walking, movement can reduce stress, and boost your mood. It releases endorphins, which are natural mood lifters and help reduce symptoms of stress and overwhelm. Remember, you don’t have to push yourself to the limit but find joy in the movement that you choose.

Connection: Human connection is vital! Building meaningful connections provides emotional support which can reduce feelings of loneliness, and enhance your overall happiness. Spend quality time with loved ones, whether it’s a family dinner, a coffee date with a friend, or a phone call with someone you care about. If you would like to read more about the importance of connection, check out our blog on Mindfulness & Relationships. 

Reflection: Pausing to reflect can support you in understanding your emotions, learning from your experiences, and making more mindful decisions, which can contribute to better mental health. Journaling is a great way to take all the things in your mind and give it a different home. It can be a powerful tool, helping you process your emotions and gain insights into your life. Mindfulness and meditation practices can also aid in quieting your mind and enhancing self-awareness.

Rest: This is the cornerstone of self-care and self-love. Creating a good sleep routine can improve your overall sleep quality. You’ll want to aim for 7-9 hours of sleep each night. Remember, it’s okay to take a break and rest during the day if you’re feeling overwhelmed. There is nothing wrong with a nap to help rejuvenate your body and mind. Quality rest is crucial for maintaining mental clarity, emotional stability, and even physical health. 

Final Thoughts

Remember, self-care is a personal journey, and what works for one person may not work for another. Listen to your body, honor your needs, and make self-care a priority in your life. When your reserves are replenished, you are better equipped to handle the challenges life throws your way. By allowing yourself the space to rest and reflect you’re giving yourself the opportunity to live a more balanced and fulfilling life. If you’re struggling with stress and feeling burnt out, consider choosing one of the strategies and do something that’s just for you! 

This weeks affirmations

1. Reflection allows me to understand my emotions and make mindful decisions.

2. I deserve to take time for myself and recharge my mind and body.

3. Prioritizing my well-being helps me show up as my best self for my loved ones.

4. Spending intentional time alone helps me connect with my true self.

5. Resting and taking breaks are essential for my overall health and clarity.

Additional Resources

**If you’re interested in learning more about self-growth check out these books below:

1. The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown

2. Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Kristin Neff 

3. Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Brené Brown

4. Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha by Tara Brach

5. The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself by Michael A. Singer

6. Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ by Daniel Goleman

7. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life by Mark Manson

8. You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life by Jen Sincero

9. Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear by Elizabeth Gilbert

10. The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment by Eckhart Tolle

**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read the full disclosure here.

Is It Time for Therapy? 10 Signs You Shouldn't Ignore

By Melody Wright, LMFT

In the world we live in, it's easy to let mental health take a backseat to daily responsibilities. The demands of work, family, and social commitments can leave little room for self-care, and many people are struggling to prioritize their mental well-being.

However, just as we regularly check in on our physical health, it’s equally important to pay attention to where we’re at mentally too. Therapy can be a powerful tool for maintaining mental health, offering a safe space to explore emotions, develop coping strategies, and encourage personal growth. Recognizing when it’s time to seek therapy is a crucial step towards a healthier, happier life.

10 Signs It’s Time to Start Therapy

Persistent Feelings of Sadness or Hopelessness: It's normal to feel sad from time to time, especially in response to life's challenges and losses. However, when feelings of sadness or hopelessness persist for weeks or months without a clear cause, it might be more than just a temporary phase. These persistent feelings can be indicators of depression. Depression can significantly impact your quality of life and therapy can help uncover underlying issues contributing to these emotions. Therapy can also provide strategies for managing the symptoms of depression effectively so you can begin living a more fulfilled life.

Excessive Worry or Anxiety: Worrying occasionally is a part of being human, but when worry becomes excessive and uncontrollable, it can be debilitating. Some anxiety disorders are characterized by chronic anxiety, excessive worry, and fear that interfere with daily activities. If you find yourself consistently on edge, experiencing panic attacks, or avoiding situations due to fear, it might be time to seek help. Therapy can offer valuable tools and techniques to manage anxiety effectively, such as relaxation techniques, and mindfulness practices. If you would like to learn more about Mindfulness practices and how they can help with anxiety, check out our e-book, The Mind-Body Toolkit.

Difficulty Managing Stress: Stress is an inevitable part of life, but it becomes problematic when it feels overwhelming and unmanageable. Chronic stress can take a toll on your mental and physical health, leading to symptoms like headaches, insomnia, and a weakened immune system. It can also affect your mood, causing irritability, depression, and anxiety. A therapist can help you develop healthy ways to handle stress, build resilience, and create a more balanced life.

Physical Symptoms Without a Clear Cause: Sometimes, mental health issues can manifest as physical symptoms. If you experience unexplained aches and pains, frequent headaches, or gastrointestinal problems without a medical diagnosis, it might be worth considering therapy. These physical symptoms can be a sign of underlying emotional distress. A therapist skilled in Somatic interventions can help you explore potential psychological factors contributing to your physical discomfort and develop strategies to address them. By treating the root cause, you may find relief from both the emotional and physical symptoms. If you're interested in learning more about Somatic therapy, you'll want to read our blog "A Guide to Somatic Therapy and It's Techniques".

Loss of Interest in Activities: When you no longer find joy in activities you once enjoyed, it can be a sign of depression or even burnout. This loss of interest can affect various aspects of your life, from hobbies to social interactions, and can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness. Therapy can help you explore these feelings and work towards rediscovering your passions.

Difficulty in Relationships: Relationships are fundamental to our well-being, but they can also be complex. If you find yourself struggling in your relationships with family, friends, or colleagues, therapy might be beneficial. Issues such as constant conflict, feelings of disconnection, or difficulty communicating can strain relationships and lead to significant stress. Therapy can help improve your interpersonal skills, support you with communication breakdowns, and cultivate healthier relationships. A therapist can provide a neutral space to discuss these issues and work towards resolving conflicts and building stronger connections. For more information on Couples Therapy, check out our blog on How Couples Therapy Can Strengthen Relationships.

Traumatic Experiences: Experiencing a traumatic event, whether recent or in the past, can have lasting effects on your mental health. Trauma can manifest in various ways, including flashbacks, nightmares, and a heightened state of alertness. But it can also manifest as responses to life and relational stressors. Therapists trained in trauma-informed interventions can offer specialized approaches to help you heal. By working through the trauma in a supportive environment, you can begin to regulate your nervous system and begin to thrive again. If you're looking for regulation tools, check out our Therapist Top Product page!

Substance Abuse: Using alcohol or drugs to cope with emotions or stress can be a sign of deeper issues. Substance abuse often masks underlying mental health problems, such as depression or anxiety, that need to be addressed. Therapy can help you understand and overcome addiction, offering healthier coping mechanisms and support for long-term recovery. A therapist can work with you to uncover the root causes of your substance use and develop a plan to address both the addiction and any underlying issues.

Feeling Overwhelmed by Responsibilities: When life's responsibilities become too much to handle and you feel constantly overwhelmed, it might be time to seek help. Balancing work, family, and personal commitments can be challenging, and it's easy to feel like you're drowning in obligations. This is a very common thing! A therapist can assist in prioritizing tasks, setting realistic goals, and finding balance in your life.

Lack of Self-Esteem: Low self-esteem and self-worth can affect every aspect of your life, from personal relationships to career success. If you struggle with negative self-talk and feelings of inadequacy, therapy can help build a more positive self-image and improve your confidence. A therapist can work with you to challenge negative beliefs, develop self-compassion, and create a healthier sense of self-worth. By improving your self-esteem, you can enhance your overall well-being and create a more fulfilling life.

Final Thoughts

We want to remind you that recognizing the need for therapy is a sign of strength, not weakness. It takes courage to acknowledge that you need help and to take steps towards improving your mental health. Our therapists here at Life By Design Therapy offer a supportive and non-judgmental space where you can explore your emotions, develop coping strategies, and work toward the personal growth you desire. 

If any of the signs mentioned resonate with you, consider reaching out to a therapist. You can CLICK HERE to schedule a free phone consultation with our coordinator today!

Affirmations 

1. Each step I take in therapy is a step towards a healthier and happier me.

2. I trust the process of therapy and the positive changes it will bring to my life.

3. I am strong enough to face my challenges and seek the help I need.

4. I embrace the opportunity to learn more about myself and my emotions.

5. I am capable of transforming my challenges into opportunities for growth.

Additional Resources

**If you’re interested in learning more about the benefits of therapy and self-growth check out these books below:

1. "Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life with the Heart of a Buddha" by Tara Brach

2. "Daring Greatly" by Brené Brown

3. “Stop Overthinking: 23 Techniques to Relieve Stress, Stop Negative Spirals, Declutter Your Mind, and Focus on the Present (The Path to Calm)” by Nick Trenton

4. “Atomic Habits” by James Clear

5.  “Don't Believe Everything You Think: Why Your Thinking Is The Beginning & End Of Suffering” by  Joseph Nguyen 

6. “On Becoming a Person: A Therapist’s View of Psychotherapy” by Carl R. Rogers

7. “Man's Search for Meaning” by Viktor E. Frankl

8. "Mind Over Mood: Change How You Feel by Changing the Way You Think" by Dennis Greenberger and Christine A. Padesky

9. "The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma" by Bessel van der Kolk

10. "The Gifts of Imperfection" by Brené Brown

**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read the full disclosure here.

What to Expect During Your First Therapy Session

By Melody Wright, LMFT

Picture this: You're sitting in the waiting room, nervously tapping your foot as you await your first therapy session. Thoughts race through your mind like a whirlwind—what will you say? Will you be judged? Can this stranger (I mean your therapist 😜) truly help you unravel what you've been carrying for so long?

If you've ever felt this mix of anticipation and apprehension, you're not alone. Stepping into therapy for the first time is brave and commendable, even so, it's also perfectly normal to feel uneasy about what lies ahead. But what exactly is therapy? Therapy is a space where you have the freedom to embrace every part of yourself. It is a safe space, a collaborative journey, where you can navigate and heal from emotional and psychological experiences to find greater peace, self-worth, and self-love.

When you find a therapist you’re comfortable with, they can support you as you navigate the things that are causing your system to get dysregulated by stress, overwhelm, and trauma. It might look like just talking with your therapist as they ask questions to bring more awareness to your situation or a body-based therapist may walk you through breathing exercises or mindfulness activities to help bring awareness to what your body might be communicating. There is no right way to do therapy. Your therapist is there to support you, guide you, and create a safe environment for you.

**If you would like to learn more about Mindfulness activities, check out our e-book, The Mind-Body Toolkit!

So what happens during your first therapy session? What should you expect? While every therapist is different, we’ll walk you through what you might experience.

Building Safety and Trust:
Insights from Our Therapists' First Sessions

At Life By Design Therapy, our primary goal is to create a sense of safety. Starting therapy often means working with a dysregulated nervous system, which can result from life events that have significantly impacted you. These disruptions can lead to anxiety, depression, boundary issues, and communication breakdowns, often stemming from trauma. When our minds and bodies encounter these disruptions, our nervous system can become dysregulated.

In your first session with a Life By Design therapist, you will be supported in creating a safe environment for yourself and your nervous system. In the initial part of the work, including your first session, our therapists will help you become aware of the signals your body might be sending, guiding you toward a more regulated state for your mind and body.

How to Get the Most Of Therapy

Entering therapy for the first time can be intimidating. You're opening yourself up to vulnerability and introspection, which can be both exhilarating and nerve-wracking. To help you make the most of your therapeutic journey, here are some dos and don'ts to keep in mind:

1. Ask Questions: Therapy is a collaborative process, and it's okay to seek clarification or express curiosity about the therapeutic approach being used, the goals of therapy, or any other aspect of the process that you're unsure about.
   

2. Have Realistic Expectations: Therapy isn't a quick fix, and progress often takes time. Be patient with yourself and the process. Celebrate small victories along the way, and trust that growth and change are happening, even if they're not immediately apparent. Remember healing is not a linear process.
   

3. Be Compassionate with Yourself: Therapy can stir up intense emotions, and it's important to be gentle with yourself. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend going through a challenging time.
   

4. Commit to the Process: Consistency is key in therapy. Attend your sessions regularly and engage wholeheartedly in the process. Remember, real change often happens outside of the therapy room as you apply insights and strategies to your daily life.
   

5. Don’t Expect Instant Solutions Or Advice: Therapy is about finding answers within. It isn’t like coaching where they give you all the answers. Trust in the process and give yourself the time and space to grow.
   

6. Honor Your Journey: Each person's therapeutic journey is unique, and progress looks different for everyone. Do your best not to compare yourself to others or measure your success based on someone else's standards. Therapy is about focusing on what’s best for you.
   

7. Embrace Your Imperfections: Therapy isn't about achieving perfection or fixing all your problems. It's about embracing your imperfections, learning from your experiences, and moving towards greater self-awareness and acceptance.

What To Expect During Your First Session

1. Review of Paperwork: Just like with any healthcare provider, you will fill out new client paperwork either before your appointment or at the office before meeting with your therapist. After introductions are made, your therapist will review the consent forms, any initial questionnaires, or other important paperwork. While this part may seem a bit mundane, it's important to understand the expectations and also empower yourself with all the information you'll need about working with your therapist and the therapy process.
   

2. Discuss What's Bringing You In: Your therapist will ask questions to expand the discussion on why you've chosen to seek therapy. Whether it's struggling with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, or simply feeling lost and overwhelmed, this is your opportunity to express what's been weighing on you. They might even want to know about any symptoms you’re experiencing, such as physical symptoms, how often you're experiencing those symptoms, and the timing of your symptoms. Remember, there's no judgment here—your therapist is here to listen and support you.
   

3. Setting Goals: You’ll talk about what you hope to achieve in therapy. These goals might be short-term or long-term, specific or more general. Maybe you want to learn healthy coping mechanisms for stress, improve communication skills in your relationships, or gain a deeper understanding of yourself. Your therapist will help you clarify and refine these goals as you progress.
   

4. What to Expect for Yourself: Something you might not anticipate is that therapy might be emotionally draining, especially if you’re a person who tends to hold in emotions. We want you to know that this is normal. It's okay to feel vulnerable, and it's okay if the floodgates of emotion open unexpectedly.
   

Final Thoughts

Starting therapy is a courageous step towards understanding and healing yourself. While the journey may be emotionally, physically, and mentally draining at times, it is also filled with opportunities for profound growth and transformation. By embracing vulnerability, setting clear goals, and building a trusting relationship with your therapist, you pave the way for meaningful change. 

As you move forward, hold onto the knowledge that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. You are taking steps towards reclaiming control over your mental health and overall well-being. Celebrate your courage and commitment, knowing that you are not alone on this journey—your therapist is there to guide and support you every step of the way.

At Life By Design Therapy, we specialize in Holistic and Somatic Therapy because we believe in seeing people healed in their mind, body, and spirit. Your body possesses the capacity to signal distress, store trauma, and manifest symptoms such as anxiety, depression, and physical ailments. At Life By Design Therapy, we are dedicated to helping you understand your body's messages and supporting you as you learn to navigate and thrive. 



If you’re in California and ready to start your therapy journey, schedule a phone consultation with our Coordinator to pair you with a therapist that best fits your needs. CLICK HERE to schedule. 

Affirmations For Starting therapy

1. I am taking a courageous step towards healing and self-discovery.

2. I deserve to invest in my mental health and well-being.

3. It is okay to seek help and support; I am not alone in this journey.

4. Each therapy session brings me closer to understanding and accepting myself.

5. I am patient with myself as I grow and heal through this process
   

Additional Resources

**If you’re interested in learning more about the benefits of therapy and self-growth check out these books below:

1. “On Becoming a Person: A Therapist’s View of Psychotherapy” by Carl R. Rogers

2. “Man's Search for Meaning” by Viktor E. Frankl

3. "Mind Over Mood: Change How You Feel by Changing the Way You Think" by Dennis Greenberger and Christine A. Padesky

4. "The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma" by Bessel van der Kolk

5. "The Gifts of Imperfection" by Brené Brown 

6. "Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life with the Heart of a Buddha" by Tara Brach

7. "Daring Greatly" by Brené Brown

8. “Stop Overthinking: 23 Techniques to Relieve Stress, Stop Negative Spirals, Declutter Your Mind, and Focus on the Present (The Path to Calm)” by Nick Trenton

9. “Atomic Habits” by James Clear

10.  “Don't Believe Everything You Think: Why Your Thinking Is The Beginning & End Of Suffering” by  Joseph Nguyen

**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read the full disclosure here.

Navigating Anxiety Together: A Guide for Supporting Your Partner

By Melody Wright, LMFT

In the complex dynamics of relationships, we might find ourselves stepping into roles that require not just love and companionship but also patience, understanding, and support. If your partner struggles with anxiety, it might feel like you both are navigating through rough seas, where every wave of worry and fear has the potential to disrupt the stability of your relationship.

Anxiety comes in various forms and it can cast a shadow over even the brightest moments you both share, leaving both partners feeling isolated and uncertain. 

However, even in relationships where anxiety is present, there lies an opportunity for deeper connection and growth. By learning how to support your partner with their anxiety effectively, you not only have the ability to strengthen the foundation of your relationship but also foster an environment of trust, empathy, and resilience. In this blog, we'll discuss ten ways to support your partner through their anxiety by focusing on understanding and kindness. 

Supporting Your Partner

Supporting an anxious partner requires patience, empathy, and a genuine desire to comfort and encourage them. It means understanding their anxiety deeply and being there to provide comfort when they're feeling distressed. Patience helps you navigate their emotions gently, while empathy allows you to connect with their inner feelings of fear and worry. Most importantly, it involves a strong commitment to stand by their side, offering reassurance through all the challenges they face.  So how can you do this?  

1. Ground Yourself: To be present, listen, and have empathy for your partner you need to find ways to ground yourself before attempting.  For those who experience anxiety, it can creep up suddenly, so being prepared to regulate yourself is essential to supporting your partner through it.  You can support yourself with daily meditation, self-care practices, and deep breathing.
   

2. Engage in Active Listening: It’s important to encourage your partner to express their feelings and concerns. However, as you listen it’s also important to show empathy and understanding by actively listening to what they have to say and holding a non-judgmental space for them. Here's a brief example of active listening in a relationship:

   Partner A: "I had a really tough day at work. My boss criticized my project in front of the whole team."

   Partner B: "That sounds really challenging. It must have been frustrating to receive criticism like that. How did you handle it?

   In this example, Partner B actively listens to Partner A's experience, acknowledges their feelings, and encourages further discussion by asking an open-ended question.
   

3. Validate Their Feelings: As you engage in active listening let your partner know that it's okay to feel anxious and that their feelings are valid. Be aware to avoid dismissing or minimizing their emotions.
   

4. Offer Reassurance: Provide verbal reassurance that you are there for them and that they are not alone in dealing with their anxiety. Remind them of their strengths and previous successes in managing anxiety.
   

5. Educate Yourself About Anxiety: Learning about anxiety disorders, their symptoms, and their triggers will only give you a deeper understanding of what your partner is going through and can help you provide better support.
   

6. Encourage Self-Care: For those who experience anxiety, their nervous systems can become dysregulated easily. Help your partner prioritize self-care activities such as exercise, proper nutrition, sufficient sleep, and relaxation techniques like deep breathing or meditation. This is important for nervous system regulation and reducing anxiety episodes.
   

7. Be Patient and Understanding: Recognize that anxiety can be overwhelming and may affect your partner's behavior and mood. Be patient with them and try to remain calm during moments of heightened anxiety.
   

8. Avoid Criticism: Do your best to refrain from criticizing or blaming your partner for their anxiety. Instead, focus on offering constructive feedback and support.
   

9. Encourage Professional Help: You might suggest seeking help from a therapist or counselor who specializes in treating anxiety disorders. Your partner might feel supported if you offer to accompany them to their therapy sessions.
   

10. Practice Mindfulness Together: Engage in activities that promote mindfulness, such as yoga or guided meditation. These practices can help both of you manage stress and anxiety more effectively and cultivate a deeper relationship with each other.
    

11. Maintain Open Communication: Encourage open and honest communication in your relationship. Check in with your partner regularly to see how they're feeling and what support they may need. Let them know that they can always come to you for help and guidance.

Final Thoughts

We understand that relationships of all kinds are unique. Navigating the complexities of relationships can be challenging and as the other side of the relationship, you might find that you would like support as well. For those who might be experiencing breakdowns in communication, trust issues, or just need someone to bounce thoughts off of, consider speaking with a skilled clinician. Your wellbeing contributes to the wellbeing of your relationship and if you would like support, reach out to one of our therapists today. You can CLICK HERE to schedule a free phone consultation. 

Affirmations for Anxiety 

1. "I am calm, centered, and in control of my thoughts and emotions."

2. "I trust in my ability to overcome challenges and face uncertainty with courage."

3. "I am worthy of peace and relaxation, and I deserve to prioritize my mental well-being."

4. "I release all tension and fear from my mind and body, allowing tranquility to flow through me."

5. "I am safe and secure in this present moment, and I trust in the journey ahead."

Additional Resources

**If you’re interested in expanding your knowledge on anxiety and how to support someone with anxiety, check out these books below:

1. "Dare: The New Way to End Anxiety and Stop Panic Attacks Fast" by Barry McDonagh

2. "Anxiety: Panicking about Panic: A powerful, self-help guide for those suffering from an Anxiety or Panic Disorder" by Joshua Fletcher

3. "The Mindfulness Workbook for Anxiety: The 8-Week Solution to Help You Manage Anxiety, Worry, and Stress" by Tanya J. Peterson MS NCC

4. "My Age of Anxiety: Fear, Hope, Dread, and the Search for Peace of Mind" by Scott Stossel

5. "Loving Someone with Anxiety: Understanding and Helping Your Partner" by Kate N. Thieda MS LPCA NCC

6. Anxious Attachment Recovery: Go From Being Clingy to Confident & Secure In Your Relationships (Break Free and Recover from Unhealthy Relationships By Linda Hill

7. Overcome Overthinking and Anxiety in Your Relationship: A Practical Guide to Improve Communication, Solve Conflicts, and Build a Healthy Marriage By Robert J Charles

8. Anxiety in Relationship: Free Yourself From Anxiety and Fears, Stop Suffering and Enjoy Your Love Relationship With Your Partner by Patricia Peterman

9. Master Your Emotions: A Practical Guide to Overcome Negativity and Better Manage Your Feelings by Thibaut Meurisse 

10.  Unwinding Anxiety: New Science Shows How to Break the Cycles of Worry and Fear to Heal Your Mind by Judson Brewer

**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read full disclosurehere.

The Journey Within: 10 Ways to Conquer Self-Doubt

By Melody Wright, LMFT

Do you ever find yourself wrestling with doubts about your abilities, worth, or place in the world? If you answered “yes”, we want you to know that you're not alone. Self-doubt is a common experience that can plague even the most confident people. It has the ability to cast shadows of uncertainty on our thoughts and actions. Yet,   you have the potential for profound transformation—a journey from self-doubt to self-love.

In this blog post, we'll explore some actionable steps to replace self-doubt with confidence and self-love. Whether you're grappling with fleeting moments of insecurity or facing persistent doubts that overshadow your life, this blog will support the path toward greater self-compassion, resilience, and inner peace.

From Doubt To Empowerment 

This journey from having negative thoughts or self-doubt to embracing an empowered mindset is something that requires commitment to self-awareness, self-compassion, and mindful actions geared toward cultivating a positive self-image. It’s not about erasing all doubts overnight but rather about developing inner resilience and self-acceptance to navigate through them with grace when they arise. Here are some essential steps to guide you through this transformation process. 

1. Acknowledge Your Self-Doubt: The first step in transforming self-doubt is to become aware of it and acknowledge it. This self-awareness will support you in recognizing when self-doubt comes through and how it manifests in your thoughts and behaviors.

2. Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, just as you would treat a close friend. Hold a non-judgmental space and allow self-compassion to come through. This allows you to be gentle with yourself when facing difficult situations or perceived failures. Instead of harsh self-criticism, offer yourself words of encouragement and support.

3. Challenge Negative Thoughts: Pay attention to your inner dialogue and challenge negative self-talk. When you notice yourself doubting your abilities or worth, counter those thoughts with positive affirmations and realistic perspectives. Remind yourself of your strengths, accomplishments, and past successes. You can say things such as, “It’s ok, I can handle it better next time”, or “I can”. 

4. Set Realistic Goals: Break down your goals into smaller, achievable steps. Setting realistic goals helps prevent feelings of overwhelm and inadequacy. Celebrate each milestone you reach, no matter how small, because every step contributes to your growth and progress.

5. Stop the Comparison: Instead of comparing yourself to others, focus on your personal growth and development. Remember that everyone is at a different stage in life, everyone was raised differently, carries different perspectives, and has different obstacles in their life. Embrace your journey of continuous improvement, knowing that progress takes time and effort. Cultivate a growth mindset that views challenges as opportunities for learning and self-discovery.

6. Practice Gratitude: Keep gratitude at the forefront of your mind by acknowledging the positive aspects of your life. Reflect on the things you appreciate about yourself and your experiences. Gratitude helps shift your perspective from what you lack to what you already have, which will help foster self-love and contentment.

7. Engage in Self-Care: Prioritize self-care activities that nurture your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. This could include exercise, healthy eating, relaxation techniques, hobbies, spending time with loved ones, or seeking professional support when needed. Taking care of yourself demonstrates self-love and reinforces your worthiness of care and attention. This step will also help you discover things that make YOU happy rather than following the outside influences telling you what will make you happy.

8. Surround Yourself with Supportive People: Surround yourself with supportive friends, family members, or mentors who uplift and encourage you. Seek out positive influences that affirm your worth and capabilities. Having this strong support system can boost your confidence and help you navigate through moments of doubt.

9. Practice Mindfulness and Meditation: Cultivate mindfulness through practices such as meditation, deep breathing, or mindfulness exercises. Mindfulness helps you observe your thoughts and emotions without judgment, allowing you to develop greater self-awareness and acceptance. Over time, mindfulness can reduce the intensity of self-doubt and foster a greater sense of inner peace and acceptance.

10. Seek Professional Help if Needed: If self-doubt significantly impacts your daily life or mental health, consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor. Therapy can help you get to the root of where your negative self-talk might come from and provide you with tools and strategies to address the underlying issues, build self-esteem, and cultivate self-love in a safe and supportive environment. You might find that narrative therapy, holistic therapy, and somatic therapy can be especially supportive for boosting self-esteem. 

Final Thoughts

We want you to remember that transforming self-doubt and negative self-talk into self-love is a gradual process that requires patience, persistence, and self-compassion. Be gentle with yourself as you walk out this journey of self-discovery and growth. If you find that you are interested in therapy to support this journey, consider meeting with one of our skilled clinicians here at Life By Design Therapy. Our therapists specialize in Holistic and Somatic Therapy and they are ready to customize your care within a secure environment. Click HERE to schedule a free consultation today. 

Affirmations for Self-Doubt 

1. "I am capable of overcoming any challenges that come my way."

2. "I trust in my ability to make sound decisions."

3. "I am deserving of success and happiness."

4. "I recognize my strengths and value my unique qualities."

5. "I choose to believe in myself, even when faced with uncertainty."

Additional Resources 

**If you’re interested in expanding your knowledge on growing your confidence, check out these books below:

1. "The Gifts of Imperfection" by Brené Brown

2. "Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself" by Kristin Neff 

3. "Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead" by Brené Brown

4. "Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha" by Tara Brach

5. “The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself" by Michael A. Singer

6. "Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ" by Daniel Goleman

7. "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life" by Mark Manson

8. "You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life" by Jen Sincero

9. "Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear" by Elizabeth Gilbert

10. "The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment" by Eckhart Tolle

**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read full disclosure here.

Mindfulness and Relationships: How Being Present Can Strengthen Connections

By Melody Wright, LMFT

Life seems to demand so much of us lately, and in the midst of our busy lives, the essence of being fully present in the moment often gets lost. It’s no secret that our world is digitally-driven and because of that we might find ourselves continually multitasking with our minds racing from one thing to another. This lack of mindfulness can take a toll on various aspects of our lives, including our relationships. In this blog, we'll explore the significant impact mindfulness can have on relationships and how cultivating this practice can strengthen the connections we share with others.

The Importance of Mindfulness in Relationships

If you’re unsure of what practicing mindfulness is, it’s the art of being fully engaged in the present moment, free of judgment. This means that your awareness is brought to what is happening right in front of you free of labels, criticism, or evaluation of what you are experiencing. It involves accepting things as they are, without the interference of preconceived thoughts or opinions. 

When we apply mindfulness to our relationships, it becomes a powerful tool that can transform the way we connect with others and even ourselves. Distractions are abundant, however, if we allow ourselves to engage in the present within our relationships we can bring our attention back to the here and now which cultivates a deeper and more meaningful connection. 

The Role of Mindful Communication

Communication is the foundation of any secure relationship and by incorporating mindfulness we can significantly enhance the quality of our communication by promoting active listening and genuine engagement. Oftentimes, we might find ourselves formulating a response in our minds while the other person is speaking, leading to misunderstandings and missed opportunities for connection. 

Mindful communication involves truly listening to the other person, absorbing their words, responding thoughtfully, and gently communicating any misunderstanding. By being fully present in the conversation, there is respect that is demonstrated creating an environment where both people feel heard and understood. When we are fully engaged in the conversation it can dissolve conflicts, strengthen emotional bonds, and create a deeper sense of intimacy.

Mindfulness in Conflict Resolution

Every relationship faces challenges, and conflicts are inevitable. However, how we navigate and resolve these conflicts can make a significant difference in the strength of our connections. Mindfulness equips us with the ability to approach conflicts with a calm and centered mindset.

When conflicts come up, you can take a moment to breathe and center yourself before responding, by doing this you can support in preventing impulsive reactions that may further exacerbate the situation. 

We all want our emotions and thoughts to be acknowledged and validated. If you practice mindfulness, it can allow you to acknowledge your emotions without being overwhelmed by them. If we engage with overwhelming emotions during a conflict it tends to get messy. However, by being fully present in the process, you can understand the other person's perspective and work together towards a solution that strengthens your relationship with them.

Cultivating Empathy Through Mindfulness

Have you ever desired that someone could just read your mind? They would know exactly what you need at that moment, right? Unfortunately, that isn’t reality, however, cultivating empathy, could be that component you’re looking for. Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. The practice of mindfulness plays a major role in learning to cultivate empathy by encouraging us to step into the shoes of those that we love and experience their emotions with an open heart.

When you’re present with them it allows you to pick up on the subtle cues, both verbal and non-verbal, that the other person might be giving off. This heightened awareness allows you to respond with compassion and understanding. By doing this you create a supportive and nurturing environment within the relationship you care about. 

Nurturing Self-Awareness for Better Relationships

Mindfulness is not only about being attuned to others but also about developing self-awareness. Being able to understand your own thoughts, emotions, and reactions is fundamental to building secure relationships. When we are mindful of our own internal landscape, we can navigate the intricacies of our relationships more effectively.

Through mindfulness practices such as meditation and self-reflection, you can gain perspective into your own patterns and emotional triggers. If you allow yourself to cultivate this self-awareness, it can empower you to break free from habits that might stifle you and make room for personal growth. 

Final Thoughts 

The practice of mindfulness offers a holistic remedy for the challenges we face in our relationships. By cultivating a present and mindful approach to life, we can enhance communication, navigate conflicts with grace, and create a deeper sense of empathy and connection with the world around us. Mindfulness is not just a personal journey but it affects the experiences we encounter on a daily basis and can transform the dynamics of relationships, making them more resilient, fulfilling, and secure. 

If you find that you need support navigating mindfulness or your relationships, consider speaking with a holistic therapist. Holistic therapists offer their support to engage your mind, body, and spirit. CLICK HERE to schedule a phone consultation with one of our therapists here at Life By Design Therapy today!  

Affirmations for Cultivating Mindful Relationships

1. I approach conversations with openness and curiosity, seeking to understand rather than to be understood.

2. I am fully present in this moment, giving my undivided attention to the person in front of me.

3. I release judgment and cultivate compassion, allowing others and myself the space to grow and evolve.

4. I am committed to self-awareness, recognizing and understanding my own emotions and patterns for the benefit of our connection.

5. I express gratitude for the shared moments, big and small, that contribute to the strength and depth of our relationship.

Additional Resources 

1. "The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts" by Gary Chapman

2. "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus" by John Gray

3. “The Relationship Cure: A 5-Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships" by John Gottman

4. "Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life" by Marshall B. Rosenberg

5. "Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear" by Elizabeth Gilbert

6. "The Gifts of Imperfection" by Brené Brown

7. "Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself" by Kristin Neff 

8. "Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead" by Brené Brown

9. "Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha" by Tara Brach

10. "Setting Boundaries with Difficult People: Six Steps to Sanity for Challenging Relationships" by David J. Lieberman
    
    
    

Mindful Limits: The Connection Between Boundaries and Self-Compassion

By Melody Wright, LMFT

In the hustle culture of life, where demands seem endless and the pace is relentless, the concept of boundaries is becoming more and more prevalent. When many of us hear the word boundaries we probably consider them as a strategy for creating physical space, yet they go beyond just that. Have you ever considered that boundaries are a way to show yourself compassion or that utilizing boundaries is a form of self-care? 

Not only do boundaries have the ability to create physical space, but they also create mental and emotional space as well. Boundaries can also be utilized when cultivating a secure relationship with yourself. In this blog, we will explore the ways to mindfully incorporate boundaries into every aspect of your life. 

Understanding Boundaries Through a Mindful Lens

Cultivating mindfulness establishes an awareness that will support you in every aspect of your life. Mindfulness is the practice of being fully present and aware of the current moment. We call it a practice because, with every new adventure or obstacle in life, you will find that in new seasons you might need to shift the way you approach things. When living mindfully you will find that creating limits, such as boundaries, involves a conscious and deliberate approach. And to be honest, it’s not always easy. You will begin to learn your limits, where to place the boundaries, or where to let things slide, however, It’s all about finding balance within yourself. 

SELF-DISCOVERY Through Mindful Boundaries

Mindfulness encourages self-awareness, which enables you to recognize your needs, desires, and limits. When you take the time to reflect on personal values, preferences, and places of comfort, you’re able to start creating boundaries that reflect your authentic self. This process of self-discovery is actually an act of self-compassion. By acknowledging your unique qualities you start to value them enough to protect and nurture them which in turn is acknowledging how valuable you are. 

Compassion in Saying “NO”

Setting boundaries often involves saying 'no' to certain demands, commitments, or situations, which can be challenging for many people. When you evaluate the situation and determine that it doesn’t align with your needs or find that you don’t have the mental, emotional, or physical capacity to fulfill the demand, this 'no' becomes an act of self-compassion rather than a rejection. By mindfully saying 'no', you communicate that your well-being is a priority, cultivating a sense of self-respect and self-love.

Balancing Empathy and Boundaries

Empathy is a cornerstone of compassion, both towards others and oneself. Cultivating mindful boundaries creates a balance between empathy and self-preservation, showing that you can be compassionate without sacrificing your personal well-being. For those naturally inclined towards empathy, tend to absorb the emotions and needs of others to the detriment of one's own mental and emotional health. Cultivating these mindful boundaries allows you to empathize with others without becoming overwhelmed. Creating this awareness allows you to know when to engage and when to create a gentle barrier to safeguard your emotional equilibrium.

Self-Compassion in Conflict

When on your on your self-discovery journey you might find that boundaries often come into play during conflicts or challenging conversations. Navigating these situations mindfully involves approaching conflicts with compassion. Instead of viewing boundaries as walls, consider them as bridges that enable open communication while still preserving personal well-being. When you practice mindfulness in conflict, you can foster understanding and compassion for yourself and the other person or persons involved. 

Recognizing Burnout Signals

As you journey through the practice of mindfulness, you’ll begin to become more attuned to the present moment and move through it without judgment or distraction. When this happens you’ll become more aware of the things that trigger any overwhelm or burnout in its early stages. This will allow you to become more proactive in placing those boundaries to prevent the stress from taking over and allow you the opportunity for rest and rejuvenation. 

Practical Tips for Mindful Boundary Setting

1. Self-Reflection: Regularly check in with yourself to assess your emotional and mental state. What are your current needs and limits?

2. Communicate with Clarity: When setting boundaries, communicate with clarity and honesty. Articulate your needs and limits in a way that cultivates understanding. However, we want you to know that it’s ok if others don’t understand. What matters is that you and your well-being feel secure. 

3. Practice Saying 'No': Saying 'No' is an essential aspect of setting boundaries. Although this can be challenging for many people practice doing so with kindness and assertiveness.

4. Reevaluate and Adjust: Life is dynamic, and so are your boundaries. It’s okay to check in with yourself, reassess your limits, and adjust them as needed. 

Final Thoughts

Through the practice of mindfulness, you can discover, communicate, and uphold boundaries that not only protect your well-being but also nurture a compassionate relationship with yourself and others. By recognizing the interplay between empathy, present-moment awareness, and the setting of boundaries, you can create a more balanced and fulfilling life. 

We understand that communication, self-discovery, and establishing boundaries can be complex and even challenging. If you are finding that you need support in these areas, consider working with a therapist. Life By Design Therapy has a team of therapists who are committed to seeing you heal, grow, and thrive in life. If you are interested in working with one of our therapists, CLICK HERE to schedule a free consultation today!

Affirmations for Creating Mindful Boundaries 

1. My boundaries are a reflection of my self-respect and commitment to well-being.

2. I trust my instincts to guide me in establishing healthy and mindful limits.

3. I am worthy of the peace and harmony that mindful boundaries bring to my life.

4. My boundaries are flexible and adaptive, allowing me to grow while maintaining balance.

5. I release guilt when saying 'no,' knowing that it is an expression of self-love.

Additional Resources 

1. Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life by Henry Cloud and John Townsend 

2. The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are" by Brené Brown 

3. "Where to Draw the Line: How to Set Healthy Boundaries Every Day" by Anne Katherine

4. The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion: Freeing Yourself from Destructive Thoughts and Emotions" by Christopher K. Germer

5. "Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children: Six Steps to Hope and Healing for Struggling Parents" by Allison Bottke 

6. "Beyond Codependency: And Getting Better All the Time" by Melody Beattie 

7. "Setting Boundaries with Difficult People: Six Steps to Sanity for Challenging Relationships" by David J. Lieberman

8. "The Art of Extreme Self-Care: Transform Your Life One Month at a Time" by Cheryl Richardson

9. "Setting Boundaries Will Set You Free: The Ultimate Guide to Telling the Truth, Creating Connection, and Finding Freedom" by Nancy Levin

10. "The Power of No: Because One Little Word Can Bring Health, Abundance, and Happiness" by James Altucher and Claudia Azula Altucher
    

Decoding Responses – Personality or Products of Trauma?

By Melody Wright, LMFT

The moment we experience something traumatic, whether an event or endure prolonged exposure to stress, our brains begin to program themselves to survive. We develop ways to respond to keep us safe. Whether we’re considering our minds, bodies, and emotions we naturally develop ways to protect ourselves. These are called trauma responses. 

Interestingly, we can become so used to feeling the need to protect ourselves that our trauma responses become what some consider their personalities. Have you ever considered yourself a people pleaser? Or maybe you feel the need to take control of every situation you’re in. These can oftentimes be thought of as “just who you are”, however, these could also be trauma responses. Just as Bessel van der Kolk wrote, “Trauma comes back as a reaction, not a memory.” Trauma is like a puzzle, and knowing how you respond is like finding the first piece. It’s not about labeling yourself, it’s about becoming aware and learning how to cope and find healing and resilience. In this blog, we will explore four common trauma responses and how to navigate them. 

Fight: Confronting the Storm

The fight response looks a lot like it sounds. When confronted with perceived danger, some of us instinctively activate the fight response. This response is a response of self-preservation. It can manifest as a surge of adrenaline, a sharpening of focus, and an intense readiness.

If you have a predominant fight response you might find yourself prone to confrontations, whether verbal or physical. You may become assertive, defensive, or even hostile when faced with challenges. While this response can be adaptive in certain situations, it can also lead to relationship difficulties and a heightened state of stress. However, this response can reveal itself in other ways like publicly outing a cheating partner or spreading a rumor about a coworker who upset you. 

Flight: Seeking Safety in Escape

Have you ever found yourself attempting to deny emotions that might come up in you? Or maybe you retreat to somewhere you find safe if you are confronted with an uncomfortable situation. This is the flight response. Just like fight, flight is a survival mechanism, used to protect oneself from perceived harm. Suppose the flight response is prominent for you. In that case, you might find that you immerse yourself in your studies to keep yourself occupied, proactively creating an escape plan whenever you enter a new place, or maybe drowning out arguments with music. 

For those who feel they are perfectionist, you might find flight is your go-to trauma response because there is an underlying desire to prevent people from criticizing you. You avoid confrontation. This can also make relationships challenging. Those who experience flight, tend to end relationships that might feel threatening to them. For example, you break up with them before they can break up with you. 

Freeze: The Paralysis of Overwhelm

When thinking about the freeze response, think about the scene from The Notebook where Noah asks Allie “What do you want” and she responds “It’s not that simple!”. Allie is having a hard time expressing her needs and is feeling indecisive. Many people who experience the freeze response tend to have issues with expressing their needs and making decisions. This is because your brain presses the pause button but continues to remain alert. For those who experience the freeze response, you might find that you physically detach from the world by sleeping or not leaving your home. Some people even mentally check out by utilizing disassociation. 

Fawn: The Dance of People-Pleasing

Do you ever find yourself consistently feeling the need to “keep the peace”? If you answered “yes”, more than likely your trauma response is to fawn. Those who experience this response might find themselves doing whatever they can to keep others around them happy to avoid friction. You might find that boundaries around your own needs are very difficult to hold or communicate about. This can include doing whatever your partner tells you even if you don’t want to, or doing whatever you can to keep your manager happy to avoid confrontation. 

Navigating Your Trauma Response

Becoming aware of your trauma response is a pivotal step toward healing and growth. After reading through the different responses, maybe you found yourself identifying with more than one. This is normal. Your trauma responses can change over time and vary between different people involved or situations that arise. Here are a few steps you can take to navigate your trauma response and begin to heal. 

1. Self-Reflection: Take time to reflect on your typical responses in challenging situations. Do you tend to fight, flee, freeze, or fawn? You might find it helpful to keep a journal of the different situations you come up against and how you respond.

2. Mindfulness Practices: Engage in mindfulness and grounding techniques to stay present and connected to your body. Practices such as deep breathing, meditation, or yoga can help regulate your nervous system and reduce the intensity of trauma responses.

3. Seek Therapeutic Support: Seeking therapy can provide a safe space to explore and understand your trauma response. A therapist can offer guidance, support, and tools to help you navigate the impact of past experiences on your present behavior.

4. Cultivate Healthy Coping Mechanisms: Replace unhealthy coping mechanisms with healthier alternatives. This might include practicing self-compassion, setting boundaries, and developing effective communication skills.

Final Thoughts 

Recognizing the way you respond to stress is a powerful way to start your self-growth journey. Once you engage with awareness you are then able to take proactive steps to foster resilience and cultivate a healthier, more balanced life. Whether you tend to fight, flee, freeze, or fawn, embracing your unique response with compassion and a commitment to growth is the key to transforming the impact of trauma on your present and future self.

Life By Design Therapy has therapists with trauma-informed lenses to support your journey through healing. If you’re ready to begin that journey CLICK HERE to schedule a phone consultation with a therapist today. 

Affirmations for Trauma

1. I release the hold that trauma has on me, and I embrace the power of my own resilience. 

2. I trust in my ability to cope with difficult emotions, and I allow myself the space to feel and heal. 

3.  I let go of shame and guilt; they have no place in my journey toward healing.

4. I am reclaiming control over my life, and I choose to focus on the positive possibilities ahead.

5. I am resilient, and my strength grows with each challenge I overcome.

Additional Resources

1. When the Body Says No: Exploring the Stress-Disease Connection by Gabor Maté M.D.

2. What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma by  Stephanie Foo 

3. No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model by Richard Schwartz Ph.D. 

4. Don't Believe Everything You Think: Why Your Thinking Is The Beginning & End Of Suffering (Beyond Suffering) by Joseph Nguyen

5. The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk M.D

6. Trauma and Recovery by Judith L. Herman

7. Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma by Peter A. Levine

8. The Deepest Well: Healing the Long-Term Effects of Childhood Adversity" by Nadine Burke Harris

9. What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing By Oprah Winfrey

10. It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle by Mark Wolynn

Keys to Connection: Navigating Parent-Teen Communication

By Melody Wright, LMFT

Do you remember your teenage years? I sure do; the whirlwind of emotions, growth spurts, and eye rolls. It was a challenging time for all of us. As we learned to navigate independence and figure out who we were, our parents probably wondered what was happening in our heads, mainly because it wasn’t “cool” to talk to our parents because they wouldn’t “get it”. Are you experiencing this situation with your own teen? If you are, I’m sure it can feel like a rollercoaster most days. In this blog, I will provide you with tools you can utilize to deepen your connection with your teen and create a safe environment for your relationship to thrive through communication. 

Tools for Connecting With Your Teen

“I don’t know what to do anymore” or “Where do I begin?” are some common statements among parents with teens. Let me ask you a question, What are you feeling in those complex moments with your teen? Have you ever been aware of this? Do you ever get flushed, notice your heart rate increasing, or yell? The first place to start with navigating these moments with your teen is becoming aware of your thoughts, feelings, and emotions. 

When you notice you and your teen entering into a conversation remind yourself to be the water to their fire. You can’t fight fire with fire, so approaching with peace, empathy, and awareness will start the conversation off with a solid foundation. If you find that regulating your own emotions is difficult, try incorporating mindfulness into your day. For example, you can start your day by spending 5 minutes journaling, utilizing breathing techniques, and pausing for moments of gratitude throughout the day. 

Step Into Their World 

Empathy is the art of stepping into another's shoes, of experiencing their emotions as if they were your own. For parents, it's the ability to truly grasp the rollercoaster of feelings that adolescents ride daily. You can do this by remembering your teenage years – the excitement, the anxiety, the dreams, and the uncertainties. Your teenager's emotions may be different, but the intensity is familiar. Empathy can create a foundation of safety for your teen to open up with you. 

However, empathy and non-judgment go hand-in-hand and it’s all too easy to slip into judgment when you’re a parent - to impose your experiences and expectations onto your teen's life. When your teenager expresses their thoughts or emotions, resist the urge to label or criticize their experience. Instead, create a haven where they feel free to be vulnerable without fearing criticism or punishment. Your role shifts from being an evaluator to a listener, which fosters an atmosphere of trust and open dialogue.

Pairing empathy and non-judgment with active listening can be the perfect communication cocktail. When your child knows you’re actively listening, it deepens the safety of your relationship, which deepens your connection. To actively listen you must have a mindful and engaged presence that reflects your commitment to understand what your teen might be trying to communicate. This is an opportunity for you to turn off the mental drafts of what you want to say next and be fully present. You can utilize reflective listening as well to confirm to them that they have been heard.

Somatic Techniques and Your Teen

As a teen, there are so many things happening at once within their inner selves. Not only are they learning to navigate a new body, but they’re also learning to navigate feelings and emotions that suddenly come up. Teens often grapple with a variety of feelings, ranging from excitement and curiosity to insecurity and frustration. As they journey through these intricate emotional realms, it's not uncommon for them to struggle with putting these emotions into words. Somatic techniques can be the supportive tool they need to make this connection between their mind and body. When they become more aware of what their body is communicating they will begin to learn how to articulate their emotions and what is occurring within their inner selves. 

Final Thoughts

Building a lasting and loving relationship with your child yields an investment in yourself as well. We encourage you to support your teen by becoming aware of your own body and how it correlates to your emotions. Every step you take, and every conversation you have with your teen is just a brick that is being laid in the foundation of your relationship. We want you to remember that these connection goals take time. While you learn to have patience with your child, we encourage you to have patience with yourself as well.  

Life By Design Therapy is here to support you and your family. If you are interested in learning more about how Somatic and Holistic Therapy can complement your life or your teen's life, we would love to hear from you. Please CLICK HERE to schedule your complimentary consultation and let’s figure out a plan together.  

Additional Resources 

If you would like additional resources on parent-teen communication, check out the reading list below.

1. Beyond Behaviors: Using Brain Science and Compassion to Understand and Solve Children's Behavioral Challenges by Mona Delahooke 

2. Parenting the New Teen in the Age of Anxiety: A Complete Guide to Your Child's Stressed, Depressed, Expanded, Amazing Adolescence by Dr. John Duffy

3.  How to Talk So Teens Will Listen & Listen So Teens Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

4. Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain by Daniel J. Siegel MD

5. Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall by Anthony E. Wolf

6. The Teenage Brain: A Neuroscientist's Survival Guide to Raising Adolescents and Young Adults by Frances E. Jensen

7. Anger Management for Parents: The ultimate guide to understand your triggers, stop losing your temper, master your emotions, and raise confident children by Vivian Foster 

8. UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World by Michele Borba

9. The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind by Daniel J. J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson

10. Parenting from the Inside Out: How a Deeper Self-Understanding Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive by Daniel J. Siegel and Mary Hartzell

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The Invisible Impact: How Trauma Affects Your Physical Wellbeing

By Melody Wright, LMFT

Trauma is a multifaceted experience that extends far beyond emotional pain. It possesses the unique ability to not only infiltrate the mind but also the very fabric of our physical well-being. The connection between trauma and physical health is a subject that calls for exploration because when you can understand this link it can pave the way for deep healing. 

The Invisible Impact

The mind-body connection is made up of biological, psychological, and social factors. Whether your trauma comes from childhood adversity, a distressing event, or prolonged exposure it can have a significant impact on your physical body. When you experience trauma, your body will respond with a heightened state of alertness which can trigger stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline within the body. Initial responses to experiencing something traumatic could be exhaustion, anxiety, confusion, and even disassociation. Of course, these responses are essential for survival, however, chronic or extending amounts of exposure can wreak havoc on your body. We have two places that take hits when exposed to stress, our hypothalamic pituitary adrenal axis or HPA, and the autonomic nervous system. The regulation of these systems is known as the “allostatic load”(McFarlane, 2010). This means if you experience prolonged heightened cortisol levels, they can become toxic to your body which can lead to a contagion of different health issues. 

There are links between those who have experienced trauma and those who have disorders of the HPA which can manifest as things like fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, and irritable bowel syndrome. However, no person is the same, and just because you’ve experienced something traumatic does it mean that it will manifest long-term in the body. 

Healing After Trauma

Awareness of what is occurring within your body and how it might be linked to the trauma you’ve experienced can support the steps you need to take on your healing journey. However, healing from trauma can be intimidating. Here are a few things you can do to begin your journey. 

1. Connect with a Therapist - There are many different therapeutic interventions that you can access through seeing a professional. Engaging in therapies like Somatic Therapy or EDMR can support creating a safe space to revisit, reframe, and release the trauma you’ve been carrying.

2. Try Mindfulness Practices: When engaging in mindfulness, you begin to train your mind to become aware of your mind, body, and spirit. These practices can be journaling, meditation, and yoga. Mindfulness can offer moments of respite, fostering awareness of the present, and promoting relaxation which can support reducing cortisol levels within the body.

3. Prioritize Self-Care: Self-care is essential when you’re recovering and healing and it can look different for everyone. When you provide compassion and kindness for yourself you are engaging in self-care. This could be resisting affirmations over yourself, allowing yourself to rest and read a good book, or even having coffee with a close friend.

4. Nourish Your Mind and Body: Supporting your body with physical activity and nutrient-dense food encourages your immune system to heal and function at its fullest potential as well as increase levels of the “feel good” hormones - dopamine, and serotonin. When you are healing from trauma, having a supported immune system will benefit your overall healing in the long run. 

Final Thoughts

Trauma and the impact it has on you is based on the severity and the perception of the event/events that occur. Your journey toward healing should be paved with patience and compassion because everyone’s story looks different, which means that the way you heal is completely unique to you.

If you find that you are dealing with physical manifestations of your trauma, or physical symptoms in general, we recommend connecting with a Somatic, Holistic, and Trauma-Informed therapist to guide you through the steps and support you in navigating the depths of your experience. In the unraveling of this mind-body connection, you will find threads of resilience, which leads to strength and renewal. 

Here at Life By Design Therapy, we have a team who specialize in Somatic and Holistic Therapies. If you are ready to find the resilience within, connect with us today by scheduling a phone consultation.

Affirmations for Trauma

1. As I release the weight of past traumas, my body responds with strength and vitality.

2. My body is resilient, and I am gradually releasing the tension and pain stored within it.

3. I acknowledge the impact of trauma on my physical body, and I am committed to fostering a compassionate connection between my mind and body.

4. I am actively working towards healing, and with each passing day, my body becomes a safer and more comfortable place to reside.

5. I choose to nurture my body with practices that promote healing and restoration.

ADDITIONAL Resources

1. The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk M.D

2. Trauma and Recovery by Judith L. Herman

3. Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma by Peter A. Levine

4. The Deepest Well: Healing the Long-Term Effects of Childhood Adversity" by Nadine Burke Harris

5. What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing By Oprah Winfrey

6. It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle by Mark Wolynn

7. When the Body Says No: Exploring the Stress-Disease Connection by Gabor Maté M.D.

8. What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma by  Stephanie Foo 

9. No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model by Richard Schwartz Ph.D. 

10. Don't Believe Everything You Think: Why Your Thinking Is The Beginning & End Of Suffering (Beyond Suffering) by Joseph Nguyen

Love in Focus: How Couples Therapy Strengthens Relationships

By Melody Wright, LMFT

In the unique dance of relationships, there are moments of joy, laughter, and connection, but there are also times of challenge, disagreement, and even heartbreak. Navigating the ebbs and flows of a partnership requires resilience, understanding, and, sometimes, a little extra support. That's where couples therapy comes into play—a safe space where relationships are nurtured, vulnerabilities embraced, and the journey of love unfolds.

Picture this: a couple, once deeply in love, now finding themselves at a crossroads. The initial spark that brought them together is dimming, replaced by misunderstandings and a sense of disconnect. It's a scenario familiar to many, and it's essential to recognize that seeking help is not a sign of weakness but rather a courageous step toward healing and growth.

In the world we live in, couples often face challenges that can strain even the strongest bonds. Work pressures, family dynamics, and personal struggles can create a rift between partners. Couples therapy, facilitated by a trained and empathetic professional, offers a dedicated space for open communication, a fundamental building block for any successful relationship.

One of the primary benefits of couples therapy lies in its ability to provide a neutral ground for dialogue. It's easy for conversations to become emotionally charged, leading to a cycle of misunderstandings and unmet needs. A skilled therapist acts as a guide, steering conversations away from blame and towards understanding. They empower couples to express their thoughts and feelings in a way that fosters empathy and connection.

Couples therapy equips partners with effective communication tools that extend beyond the therapy session itself. Learning to listen actively, express emotions authentically, and validate each other's experiences are skills that can transform how couples navigate challenges in their day-to-day lives. It's not about erasing disagreements but rather creating a roadmap to navigate them constructively.

In the therapeutic space, couples can explore the roots of their challenges and patterns that may be contributing to their struggles. Whether it's unresolved past issues, unmet expectations, or differing communication styles, the therapist guides the couple in uncovering these underlying dynamics. This process is not about assigning blame but rather about gaining insight and fostering a deeper understanding of each other.

Empathy plays a pivotal role in the transformative journey of couples therapy. The therapist facilitates a compassionate space where both partners can share their vulnerabilities without fear of judgment. Through this process, couples often discover hidden aspects of their relationship, leading to a renewed sense of intimacy and connection. It's important to know that couples therapy isn’t only for relationships on the brink of collapse. In reality, seeking professional guidance at the early signs of distress can prevent deeper issues from taking root. Think of it as proactive care for your relationship—much like going to the doctor for a check-up for preventative healthcare. 

Final Thoughts

In conclusion, couples therapy is a powerful tool for relationships navigating the complexities of life. It shows the strength and commitment of partners willing to invest in the well-being of their connection. The therapeutic journey is not about fixing what's broken but rather about cultivating a resilient, loving partnership that can work through the complexities of life. If you’re ready to get started, we have a team of skilled therapists ready to support you and your partner. CLICK HERE to schedule your free phone consultation today. 

Emotionally Focused Therapy: Unlocking the Heart of Connection

By Melody Wright, LMFT

In the world of relationships, things can get tricky. Imagine feeling stuck in a pattern of communication that leaves both partners feeling unheard or disconnected. If you've ever experienced tension or distance in your relationship, you're not alone.

This blog explores the dynamics of connection, offering simple strategies for couples seeking a clearer path to understanding and strengthening their bond with Emotionally Focused Therapy. Read on if you've ever wondered how to break free from negative patterns and foster a deeper, more fulfilling connection with your partner.

Understanding Emotionally Focused Therapy

EFT operates on a structured and evidence-based approach, offering a framework tailored to the unique needs of couples. Rather than approaching your concerns blindly, think of EFT as a strategic roadmap, allowing us to assess where you are, understand the journey you've taken, and chart a course for where you want to go. Emotionally focused therapy is effective for couples enduring hardships for several reasons. Its success can be attributed to the principles embedded in the approach. 

1. Attachment Theory Foundation: EFT is rooted in attachment theory, which shows that we, as humans, have an innate need for secure emotional bonds. These bonds provide a sense of safety and support, influencing how you navigate relationships.
   

2. Emotion as a Key Agent of Change: EFT strongly emphasizes emotions and their role in shaping our behavior and interactions. We tend to view emotions as obstacles, however, EFT views emotions as valuable sources of information that can lead to a deeper understanding of yourself and your partner.
   

3. Identification and Expression of Emotions: Because EFT emphasizes emotions, you are encouraged to identify and communicate those emotions to your partner. By doing this, you and your partner create an open, and safe climate of emotional honesty and vulnerability.

4. The Negative Cycle and Attachment Injury: EFT also supports identifying negative cycles and patterns that couples may fall into. These cycles can include miscommunications and emotional distancing. Becoming aware of these cycles is crucial for intervention and moving forward. Within the negative cycles, there are often attachment injuries. Attachment injuries are when one or both partners feel rejected or emotionally hurt. These injuries can contribute to the continued negative patterns within the relationship.
   

5. Creating a Secure Base: The goal of emotionally focused therapy is to create a secure emotional base for the therapeutic process. By doing this, it allows for a secure base for the couple to fall back on as they continue to navigate their relationship moving forward.  

6. Responsiveness to the Needs of the Relationship: Everyone’s relationship is completely unique, which is why this approach can be customized to your needs. Your therapist tailors interventions to address specific issues, fostering a collaborative and individualized approach.
   

7. Short-term and Goal-Oriented: EFT is designed to be a relatively short-term therapeutic approach with specific goals. The focus is on efficiently addressing core issues and providing couples with tools for ongoing self-management.

8. Consolidation and Integration: The final stage of EFT involves consolidating the positive changes achieved during your therapy sessions. Couples will start to integrate these changes into their daily lives and apply new ways of relating independently.

Who is EFT for? 

Emotionally Focused Therapy stands as a versatile solution for many different relationship challenges. Whether you and your partner are struggling with miscommunication, feeling emotionally distant, stuck in loops of conflicts, or navigating the ebbs and flows of life, EFT can offer the support you need to maintain or build a secure relationship. Even in stable relationships, EFT provides a sacred space for exploring deeper intimacy. At its core, EFT flourishes when both partners commit to positive change, actively engaging in the collaborative journey toward understanding, reshaping, and enhancing their relationship dynamics.

Final Thoughts

Remember, your relationship is unique, and EFT recognizes and respects that uniqueness. It's not about one-size-fits-all solutions; it's about crafting an individualized path to understanding, renewal, and fulfillment. If the insights shared here resonate with you, maybe it's time to consider EFT as a valuable resource for your relationship journey. Life By Design Therapy has a team of therapists who are available to provide the support, guidance, and tools needed to navigate challenges and strengthen your connection. Take that next step toward a more fulfilling relationship.  Your relationship deserves the care and attention that will lead it toward lasting happiness and satisfaction. Reach out for therapy services today by scheduling a free phone consultation!

Additional Resources

1. Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler

2. Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion by George J. Thompson and Jerry B. Jenkins

3. Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall B. Rosenberg

4. The Art of Communicating by Thich Nhat Hanh

5. How to Listen with Intention: The Foundation of True Connection, Communication, and Relationships by Patrick King 

6. 4 Essential Keys to Effective Communication in Love, Life, Work--Anywhere!: Including the "12-Day Communication Challenge!" by Bento C. Leal III

7. Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Sue Johnson

8. Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find – and Keep – Love by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller

9. The Dance of Connection: How to Talk to Someone When You're Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated, Insulted, Betrayed, or Desperate by Harriet Lerner

10. Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone by Mark Goulston

RAIN: A Simple Approach to Self-Compassion and Emotional Wellness

By Melody Wright, LMFT

Life is like a winding road. Full of twists and turns, peaks and valleys, dirt roads and smooth pavement. With the constant ebbs and flows of life, it’s easy to become overwhelmed with the emotional and mental energy that you have to put forth to keep going. For some, the struggle is tougher than others and it’s easy to lose sight of yourself. One of the biggest challenges people face when attempting to overcome life’s challenges is self-compassion and attaching their identity to the emotion they are feeling at the time. Because of this, many people will feel guilty for having bigger feelings, going through hard times, or feeling as if they don’t have the capacity to make it through their day. We want you to know that you are not alone. 

In this blog, we are going to discuss a mindfulness technique called R.A.I.N. This technique promotes bringing you back to center, ground you in the present, and remind you to free yourself from self-judgment. 

What is the R.A.I.N Technique? 

The RAIN technique is often used as a tool for emotional healing, self-awareness, and developing a more compassionate relationship with yourself. It can be helpful in managing stress, anxiety, and other challenging emotions by providing a mindful and non-judgmental approach to self-reflection.

R: Recognize what is happening - Recognizing or becoming aware of your emotions is like opening a door to healing. By acknowledging the emotional conversation within, you empower yourself to take control and navigate through the challenges.

A: Accept what you’re experiencing: Embracing acceptance of the emotions you’re experiencing is a pivotal step toward emotional well-being. When you accept the emotion coming up in you, you create a safe space for it and allow yourself to move on to the next step of R.A.I.N.

I: Investigate: Once you’ve recognized and accepted your emotions, the next step is to investigate them with kindness. Take time to explore the roots of your feelings with curiosity, asking yourself gentle questions to uncover the underlying causes. This compassionate inquiry enables you to understand your emotions more deeply and identify patterns that may be contributing to your struggles.

N: Nurture with Non-Identification: In this last step, learn to detach yourself from the emotions you’re feeling. Instead of defining yourself by your struggles, recognize that these feelings are like passing clouds - they come and go. This perspective shift allows you to create a sense of detachment, preventing you from becoming overwhelmed by the intensity of your emotions.

Who Should Use RAIN and When Should You Use It? 

The RAIN technique is a mindfulness practice so it can be beneficial for a wide range of people facing emotional challenges or seeking to develop mindfulness and self-compassion. Here are some situations and groups of people who might find the RAIN technique helpful:

1. Those Dealing with Emotional Distress: Anyone experiencing stress, anxiety, sadness, or other challenging emotions can use this technique to navigate and process their feelings in a healthy and constructive way.
   

2. People Facing Difficult Situations: When confronted with difficult life situations, such as loss, trauma, or major life changes, RAIN can give you a structured approach to understanding and coping with the complexity of your situation.
   

3. Stress Management: If you are dealing with everyday stressors, whether related to work, relationships, or other aspects of life, the RAIN technique can be a great way to manage stress and cultivate a more balanced emotional state throughout your day.
   

4. People Seeking Self-Compassion: The RAIN technique is particularly useful for those who wish to cultivate self-compassion. By recognizing, accepting, investigating, and non-identifying with their emotions, you can develop a kinder and more understanding relationship with yourself.
   

In terms of when to use the RAIN technique, it can be applied in real-time as emotions arise or as part of a regular mindfulness practice. Here are some scenarios:

1. During Moments of Distress: Use RAIN when you find yourself in the midst of challenging emotions, helping you navigate and understand your feelings in the present moment.
   

2. As a Daily Practice: Integrate the RAIN technique into your daily routine as a proactive approach to creating balance in your emotional well-being and allowing for self-reflection.
   

3. Before or After Stressful Events: Use RAIN before entering a potentially stressful situation to ground yourself, or afterward to process and release any emotions that may have come up during the situation that was stressful.
   

4. In Meditation or Mindfulness Sessions: Incorporate the RAIN technique into meditation or mindfulness sessions to deepen your practice and enhance self-awareness.

Final Thoughts

In conclusion, the RAIN technique is a gentle yet powerful tool that offers a structured approach to understanding and navigating our emotions. Whether you're facing challenging situations, dealing with everyday stress, or simply seeking a more compassionate relationship with yourself, implementing this mindfulness technique can cultivate self-compassion and self-acceptance while supporting you through your struggle. If you would like to learn more about mindfulness or grounding practices, you can CLICK HERE to download our free eBook, The Mind-Body Toolkit. If you would like additional support navigating challenging times in your life or would like to cultivate deeper self-growth CLICK HERE to schedule a free phone consultation with one of our therapists today. 

Additional Resources

Unmasking Seasonal Depression: Are You At Risk?

by Melody Wright, LMFT

As the seasons change, some of us might find our spirits taking a dip along with the temperature. For many, this shift ushers in the excitement of holidays, warm drinks, and snug evenings by the fire. But for some, this seasonal transformation brings with it a subtle yet profound change in mood – the onset of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). Otherwise known as Seasonal Depression. 

Have you ever wondered why the season's magic doesn't quite reach everyone? Through the advocacy for mental health awareness, the term seasonal depression is becoming more prevalent. But what is seasonal depression? Why does it happen? Who does it affect? 

In this blog, we will dive into what seasonal depression is, who it affects, and ways to support yourself if you find yourself struggling.

Understanding Seasonal Depression 

Seasonal depression typically follows a pattern, with symptoms emerging and receding at the same time each year. The most common form of seasonal depression occurs during the fall and winter months when sunlight is in shorter supply. The primary culprit behind seasonal depression is believed to be reduced exposure to natural sunlight. Did you know sunlight plays a crucial role in regulating our circadian rhythm or internal body clock, as well as influencing the production of serotonin, which is a “feel good” hormone released by the brain? The winter months, with their shorter days and diminished sunlight, can disrupt this delicate balance, leading to a cascade of physiological and psychological effects.

So are there people who are more susceptible to Seasonal Depression? The answer is yes. Let's talk about it…

1. Location: If you live farther from the equator, where daylight duration varies more significantly between seasons, the more at risk you are to encounter season depression. 

2. Age and Gender: Seasonal depression can affect people of all ages, but it is more common in younger adults. Women, also, are diagnosed with seasonal depression more frequently than men.

3. Family History: If one of your family members has been diagnosed with depression or other mood disorders it may increase your susceptibility to seasonal depression.

4. Pre-existing Mental Health Conditions: If you have a history of other mental health conditions you may find your symptoms exacerbated during specific seasons like fall and winter.

10 Tips for Seasonal Depression Self-Support

When you are struggling with any type of depression, it can feel like an uphill battle. Implementing self care practices are essential to coping, however, finding what works for you can be a challenge in itself. We want to help you alleviate the decision fatigue with these 10 tips. 

1. Light Therapy:

   Light therapy, also known as phototherapy, involves exposure to a bright light that mimics natural sunlight. It can help regulate circadian rhythms and boost mood. Spending 20-30 minutes in front of a light box each morning can be an effective way to combat seasonal depression. You can find light boxes sold on Amazon.

2. Regular Exercise:

   Engaging in regular physical activity has been shown to alleviate symptoms of depression. Exercise releases endorphins, the body's natural mood lifters, and helps improve overall well-being. Even a walk outdoors can make a significant difference.

3. Maximize Natural Light Exposure:

   Make a conscious effort to spend time outdoors during daylight hours. Open curtains and blinds to let natural light into your home or workspace. If you work at home try position yourself or work area near windows to maximize exposure to natural light.

4. Social Connection:

   Stay connected with friends and family. Seasonal depression can lead to social withdrawal, so make an effort to maintain social connections. Whether it's a phone call, video chat, or coffee with a friend, social support is vital for emotional well-being.

5. Mindfulness and Meditation:

   Practices such as mindfulness meditation, and deep breathing exercises can help reduce stress and improve mood. These techniques can be incorporated into daily routines to promote relaxation.

   If you’re interested in learning more about this, you can download our free ebook, The Mind-Body ToolKit.

6. Establish a Consistent Sleep Routine:

   Maintain a regular sleep schedule by going to bed and waking up at the same time each day. Quality sleep is essential for mental health, and a consistent sleep routine can positively impact mood.

7. Implement a Daily Routine:

   Establishing a routine can provide structure and predictability which can counteract the internal chaos we might feel when in a depressive state. This tip is particularly crucial for those grappling with seasonal depression, as the changing seasons can disrupt the body's internal clock.

8. Set Realistic Goals:

   Break down tasks into smaller, more manageable goals. Setting realistic and achievable objectives can provide a sense of accomplishment and boost self-esteem, counteracting feelings of helplessness.

9. Express Yourself Creatively:

   Engage in activities that allow for self-expression and creativity, whether it's writing, drawing, painting, or playing a musical instrument. Creative outlets can serve as a therapeutic way to process emotions.

10. Get Professional Support:

    If seasonal depression is significantly impacting your daily life, consider seeking professional help. Having a therapist can provide guidance, support, and therapeutic interventions tailored to your specific needs. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and other evidence-based treatments can be effective in managing seasonal depression.

Final Thoughts

Seasonal depression is a complex interplay of biological, environmental, and psychological factors that can significantly impact your quality of life. Recognizing the signs and understanding who is at risk is the first step toward to managing your depression in a healthy way. By incorporating coping strategies, those affected by seasonal depression can navigate the changing seasons with resilience and improved mental well-being. If you are struggling with seasonal depression, seeking professional guidance can be a step forward to healing. Our therapists here at Life By Design Therapy can be a trusted guide, offering support tailored to your unique journey. Their empathetic understanding provides a safe space to unravel the complexities of seasonal blues, granting you the tools and insights needed to navigate the storm. If you would like to take that step CLICK HERE to schedule your free phone consultation. 

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES 

**If you’re interested in expanding your knowledge on depression and how to support those that are depressed, check out these books below:

1. The Upward Spiral: Using Neuroscience to Reverse the Course of Depression, One Small Change at a Time by Alex Korb

2. Reasons to Stay Alive by Matt Haig

3. The Depression Cure: The 6-Step Program to Beat Depression without Drugs by Stephen S. Ilardi

4. Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions by Johann Hari

5. The Feeling Good Handbook by David D. Burns

6. The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion

7. Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl

8. It's Okay That You're Not Okay: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand by Megan Devine

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