9 Strategies to Thrive in Uncertain Times

By Melody Wright, LMFT

With the state of the world, so many of us are experiencing a common issue…uncertainty. 

Uncertainty can feel overwhelming. 

We’ve all been there. 

Standing at the edge of the unknown. 

Wondering what to do, or what the next step should be. 

Whether it’s about your job, your health, finances, economic strain, the upcoming election, or life simply not going according to plan. It’s no secret that facing uncertainty can stir up anxiety and leave you feeling powerless.

However, I want you to remember that you’re not alone in this. 

There’s a part of our humanity that craves a sense of control. 

In fact, we are wired for safety and predictability.

However, while you can’t predict the future, there are ways to handle uncertainty that can help bring peace and balance into your life. 

You don’t have to have all the answers right now, but with the right strategies, you can navigate the unknown with a little more confidence—and hopefully a lot less stress.

Let’s dive into some practical ways to help you stay grounded, even when things feel unsteady. 

9 Ways to Stay Grounded in Uncertainty

Acknowledge Your Feelings

Take a moment to think about how you’re feeling right now. 

A good step to dealing with uncertainty is to acknowledge how you’re feeling. 

Whether it’s fear, worry, or frustration, try not to push these emotions away. Embracing the discomfort allows you to better understand and manage the situation, rather than being controlled by it. 

Actionable Step: Consider journaling, talking to a trusted friend, or simply sitting with your thoughts to help you process these feelings.

Focus on What You Can Control

Uncertainty often amplifies the sense of helplessness. 

Instead of dwelling on what’s unknown or outside your control, redirect your focus to things you can manage. 

This might include your daily routine, how you spend your time, or how you care for your mental and physical health. 

Actionable Step: Small actions, like getting enough sleep, exercising, or scheduling a time to relax, can provide a sense of control in the chaos. 

If you would like to learn more about the benefits of self-care, check out our blog Reclaim YOU: 8 Ways to Prioritize Your Well-Being.

Ask Yourself: What are some things that are in your control right now? What are some things you can let go of?

Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness teaches us to stay grounded in the present moment, which can be a powerful tool when faced with uncertainty. 

Instead of ruminating on worst-case scenarios or future anxieties, consider the present moment. Mindfulness encourages us to focus on what’s happening right now. 

Techniques such as deep breathing, guided meditation, or simply taking a few minutes to observe your surroundings can help calm the mind and reduce stress.

Actionable Step: If you are struggling with anxiety building up, take a moment and find 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. Practicing this mindfulness activity supports being present in the moment and engaging not only with your environment but also with your body. 

If you would like additional mindfulness & grounding techniques, check out our free eBook, The Mind-Body Toolkit! 

Embrace Adaptability

In times of uncertainty, it’s natural to feel a strong desire for control and predictability. 

However, embracing adaptability can transform your experience. 

Consider allowing yourself the grace to explore different outcomes and be open to adjusting your expectations as situations evolve. 

For example, instead of viewing uncertainty as a source of fear, try seeing it as a canvas for new possibilities. 

By permitting yourself to adapt, you can discover strengths you may not have known you had and find creative solutions to the challenges ahead.

Remember, it’s okay to take your time in this process—flexibility is a skill that develops over time.

Nurture Your Mind

With the constant updates and information thrown our way every day, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the noise. 

While staying informed is important, it’s equally important to nurture your mental well-being. 

Actionable Steps: Consider setting boundaries around how much information you consume each day. Take breaks from the news and social media to create space for things that bring balance and peace to your life. 

Actionable Step: This might look like reading a comforting book, enjoying nature, or engaging in a hobby you love. Remember, it’s perfectly okay to step back and prioritize your mental health; you deserve moments of calm.

Cultivate Gratitude

Gratitude is a powerful antidote to anxiety. 

When you regularly reflect on what you’re thankful for, your mindset shifts from lack to what’s abundant in your life.

This doesn’t mean ignoring real challenges but rather balancing them with the positives.

You might find it helpful to keep a gratitude journal or take a few moments each day to think of something you appreciate that can cultivate a more hopeful outlook.

Actionable Step: Consider starting your day off with your gratitude moment. It can shift your entire day toward peace and balance.

Focus on Growth, Not Perfection

So many of us struggle with uncertainty because we feel pressure to get everything right or have a clear path forward.

Take a moment to consider where this pressure might come from.

Are you carrying the pressure of someone else's expectations or are you connecting with what is best for you? 

Remember that perfection is an illusion. 

Everyone has their own idea of what "perfect" looks like, which makes it impossible to meet everyone's standards.

It’s important to release the need for perfection and instead focus on progress. Focusing on the progress will help you stay present and provide a sense of accomplishment.

Have a Plan, And Stay Open

It’s perfectly natural to set goals and make plans, even when life feels uncertain. 

Having a sense of direction can provide comfort and purpose, helping to alleviate feelings of uncertainty.

However, it’s important to approach your plans with a sense of openness and curiosity. 

By allowing yourself the flexibility to adapt when circumstances shift, you’ll be able to adjust your goals with ease as you navigate new experiences. 

Stay Connected to Your Values

When everything feels uncertain, grounding yourself in your core values can offer a profound sense of purpose and stability. 

Actionable Step: Take a moment to reflect on what truly matters to you. 

Consider family, kindness, creativity, or integrity as examples.

By staying connected to your values and priorities, you can navigate decisions with clarity and confidence.

Final Thoughts

Dealing with uncertainty is never easy, but with the right tools, you can face it with more resilience and grace. 

Acknowledging your feelings, staying connected to your values, focusing on what you can control, and embracing adaptability in your thinking all support stress management, anxiety, and the overwhelm of uncertainty. 

Take a moment to reflect on how you manage uncertainty in your life. 

Consider some of the strategies discussed here and incorporate them into your daily routine.

This Weeks Affirmations

1. Uncertainty is part of life, and I trust in my ability to move forward.

2. I trust myself to handle whatever challenges come my way.

3. I am resilient, adaptable, and capable of navigating the unknown.

4. I welcome flexibility and trust that everything will unfold as it should.

5. I allow myself to be present in this moment, free from fear of the future.

Additional Resources 

**If you’re interested in learning more about overcoming uncertainty check out these books below:

1. Everything is Figureoutable by Marie Forleo

2. Radical Uncertainty: Decision-Making Beyond the Numbers by John Kay & Mervyn King

3. The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment by Eckhart Tolle

4. The Upside of Uncertainty: A Guide to Finding Possibility in the Unknown by Nathan Furr & Susannah Harmon Furr

5. The Art of Uncertainty: How to Live in the Mystery of Life and Love It by Dennis Merritt Jones

6. Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance by Angela Duckworth

7. Uncertainty: Turning Fear and Doubt into Fuel for Brilliance by Jonathan Fields

8. Rising Strong: How the Ability to Reset Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Brené Brown

9. The Obstacle Is the Way: The Timeless Art of Turning Trials into Triumph by Ryan Holiday

10. My Age of Anxiety: Fear, Hope, Dread, and the Search for Peace of Mind by Scott Stossel

**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read the full disclosure here.

Navigating Anxiety Together: A Guide for Supporting Your Partner

By Melody Wright, LMFT

In the complex dynamics of relationships, we might find ourselves stepping into roles that require not just love and companionship but also patience, understanding, and support. If your partner struggles with anxiety, it might feel like you both are navigating through rough seas, where every wave of worry and fear has the potential to disrupt the stability of your relationship.

Anxiety comes in various forms and it can cast a shadow over even the brightest moments you both share, leaving both partners feeling isolated and uncertain. 

However, even in relationships where anxiety is present, there lies an opportunity for deeper connection and growth. By learning how to support your partner with their anxiety effectively, you not only have the ability to strengthen the foundation of your relationship but also foster an environment of trust, empathy, and resilience. In this blog, we'll discuss ten ways to support your partner through their anxiety by focusing on understanding and kindness. 

Supporting Your Partner

Supporting an anxious partner requires patience, empathy, and a genuine desire to comfort and encourage them. It means understanding their anxiety deeply and being there to provide comfort when they're feeling distressed. Patience helps you navigate their emotions gently, while empathy allows you to connect with their inner feelings of fear and worry. Most importantly, it involves a strong commitment to stand by their side, offering reassurance through all the challenges they face.  So how can you do this?  

1. Ground Yourself: To be present, listen, and have empathy for your partner you need to find ways to ground yourself before attempting.  For those who experience anxiety, it can creep up suddenly, so being prepared to regulate yourself is essential to supporting your partner through it.  You can support yourself with daily meditation, self-care practices, and deep breathing.
   

2. Engage in Active Listening: It’s important to encourage your partner to express their feelings and concerns. However, as you listen it’s also important to show empathy and understanding by actively listening to what they have to say and holding a non-judgmental space for them. Here's a brief example of active listening in a relationship:

   Partner A: "I had a really tough day at work. My boss criticized my project in front of the whole team."

   Partner B: "That sounds really challenging. It must have been frustrating to receive criticism like that. How did you handle it?

   In this example, Partner B actively listens to Partner A's experience, acknowledges their feelings, and encourages further discussion by asking an open-ended question.
   

3. Validate Their Feelings: As you engage in active listening let your partner know that it's okay to feel anxious and that their feelings are valid. Be aware to avoid dismissing or minimizing their emotions.
   

4. Offer Reassurance: Provide verbal reassurance that you are there for them and that they are not alone in dealing with their anxiety. Remind them of their strengths and previous successes in managing anxiety.
   

5. Educate Yourself About Anxiety: Learning about anxiety disorders, their symptoms, and their triggers will only give you a deeper understanding of what your partner is going through and can help you provide better support.
   

6. Encourage Self-Care: For those who experience anxiety, their nervous systems can become dysregulated easily. Help your partner prioritize self-care activities such as exercise, proper nutrition, sufficient sleep, and relaxation techniques like deep breathing or meditation. This is important for nervous system regulation and reducing anxiety episodes.
   

7. Be Patient and Understanding: Recognize that anxiety can be overwhelming and may affect your partner's behavior and mood. Be patient with them and try to remain calm during moments of heightened anxiety.
   

8. Avoid Criticism: Do your best to refrain from criticizing or blaming your partner for their anxiety. Instead, focus on offering constructive feedback and support.
   

9. Encourage Professional Help: You might suggest seeking help from a therapist or counselor who specializes in treating anxiety disorders. Your partner might feel supported if you offer to accompany them to their therapy sessions.
   

10. Practice Mindfulness Together: Engage in activities that promote mindfulness, such as yoga or guided meditation. These practices can help both of you manage stress and anxiety more effectively and cultivate a deeper relationship with each other.
    

11. Maintain Open Communication: Encourage open and honest communication in your relationship. Check in with your partner regularly to see how they're feeling and what support they may need. Let them know that they can always come to you for help and guidance.

Final Thoughts

We understand that relationships of all kinds are unique. Navigating the complexities of relationships can be challenging and as the other side of the relationship, you might find that you would like support as well. For those who might be experiencing breakdowns in communication, trust issues, or just need someone to bounce thoughts off of, consider speaking with a skilled clinician. Your wellbeing contributes to the wellbeing of your relationship and if you would like support, reach out to one of our therapists today. You can CLICK HERE to schedule a free phone consultation. 

Affirmations for Anxiety 

1. "I am calm, centered, and in control of my thoughts and emotions."

2. "I trust in my ability to overcome challenges and face uncertainty with courage."

3. "I am worthy of peace and relaxation, and I deserve to prioritize my mental well-being."

4. "I release all tension and fear from my mind and body, allowing tranquility to flow through me."

5. "I am safe and secure in this present moment, and I trust in the journey ahead."

Additional Resources

**If you’re interested in expanding your knowledge on anxiety and how to support someone with anxiety, check out these books below:

1. "Dare: The New Way to End Anxiety and Stop Panic Attacks Fast" by Barry McDonagh

2. "Anxiety: Panicking about Panic: A powerful, self-help guide for those suffering from an Anxiety or Panic Disorder" by Joshua Fletcher

3. "The Mindfulness Workbook for Anxiety: The 8-Week Solution to Help You Manage Anxiety, Worry, and Stress" by Tanya J. Peterson MS NCC

4. "My Age of Anxiety: Fear, Hope, Dread, and the Search for Peace of Mind" by Scott Stossel

5. "Loving Someone with Anxiety: Understanding and Helping Your Partner" by Kate N. Thieda MS LPCA NCC

6. Anxious Attachment Recovery: Go From Being Clingy to Confident & Secure In Your Relationships (Break Free and Recover from Unhealthy Relationships By Linda Hill

7. Overcome Overthinking and Anxiety in Your Relationship: A Practical Guide to Improve Communication, Solve Conflicts, and Build a Healthy Marriage By Robert J Charles

8. Anxiety in Relationship: Free Yourself From Anxiety and Fears, Stop Suffering and Enjoy Your Love Relationship With Your Partner by Patricia Peterman

9. Master Your Emotions: A Practical Guide to Overcome Negativity and Better Manage Your Feelings by Thibaut Meurisse 

10.  Unwinding Anxiety: New Science Shows How to Break the Cycles of Worry and Fear to Heal Your Mind by Judson Brewer

**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read full disclosurehere.

Coping With Burnout - What Can You Do When Life Doesn’t Stop?

By Melody Wright, LMFT

Have you ever been at a point in your life where you feel like you are empty, lacking motivation, and mentally exhausted? More than likely you are experiencing burnout. Unfortunately, life keeps pushing forward, and it becomes difficult to pour from an empty cup. This can become very overwhelming for many. You might desire a break to be filled again, but if you lack the opportunity for that break, what can you do to fill your cup again? In this blog, we will provide you with the tools to refresh even when you don’t have the opportunity to truly slow down. 

What is Burnout? 

Burnout is a feeling where your mental and emotional state is depleted and it becomes exhausting to even perform basic day-to-day tasks. The feeling of burnout can be caused by many things such as your job, home life, financial hardships, personal problems, or a combination of these. It can have a significant impact on your daily life, leading to feelings of frustration, irritability, and disengagement from work or personal relationships. It's incredibly common to feel overwhelmed and depleted especially when you’re constantly putting others before yourself.

What Can You Do To Support Yourself? 

If you're experiencing burnout, you must recognize the symptoms and take steps to prevent it from negatively impacting your daily life. Here are some practical strategies to help you cope with burnout:

1. Take Time For Yourself: It's essential to prioritize self-care and take time for yourself. This can include engaging in activities that you enjoy, such as reading, taking a bath, or going for a walk. Make sure to set aside time each day for self-care, even if it's just 10 minutes.

2. Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness is the practice of being present in the moment and focusing on your thoughts, feelings, and sensations throughout your body. Practicing mindfulness can help you reduce stress, improve your mood, and increase your overall well-being. There are many mindfulness practices, including meditation, deep breathing, and yoga.

3. Set Boundaries: This is a BIG one! It’s okay to say “no”. It's important to set boundaries in your personal and professional life to prevent burnout. This can include saying no to extra work or social engagements you don't have the time or energy for or setting limits on how much time you spend on certain activities.

4. Get Enough Sleep: Getting enough sleep is important for optimal health in general, but prioritizing sleep can help your brain reset allowing clarity for the following day. You can do this by establishing a regular sleep routine, avoiding caffeine before bedtime, and creating a relaxing sleep environment.

5. Engage In Physical Activity: Regular physical activity can help reduce stress, and improve your mood. Even just a 10-minute walk can have significant benefits.

6. Seek Support: If you're feeling burnt out, it's important to seek support from friends, family, and even a therapist. Talking about your feelings with someone you trust can help you feel less isolated and more supported.

We understand that burnout can have a significant impact on your daily life, but there are practical strategies that you can use to cope with it. By prioritizing yourself you can prevent burnout from negatively impacting your well-being. If you are needing support with moving forward out of your burnout state, consider reaching out to one of our therapists here at Life By Design Therapy. In conclusion, we want you to know that you are not alone and we are here to be a resource and support in your journey. We also have additional resources throughout our website such as links to mediation videos, a free downloadable eBook, and blogs that target more specific areas you might need support with. 

Is This Anxiety or Trauma? Anxious Behaviors vs. Trauma Responses

By Melody Wright, LMFT

When talking about mental health with others, you might notice that some of the signs and symptoms of Anxiety and Trauma may sound very familiar despite stemming from different events or diagnoses. For individuals wanting to learn more about their own mental health, or experiencing symptoms that may be related to anxiety or trauma, it can be very helpful to understand where their current symptoms stem from. This can help us seek and identify resources that will help us address our symptoms, as well as learn new ways to regulate ourselves when we feel overwhelmed or on edge. 

What is Trauma?

The American Psychological Association defines trauma as an “emotional response to a terrible event” such as abuse, community violence, or experiencing significant injury or loss. The symptoms we exhibit after experiencing trauma are directly related to events that happened in our past that did not make us feel safe or put us directly in the middle of unsafe situations. Some of the symptoms that people exhibit after experiencing trauma can include fatigue, feeling sad, and hopeless, experiencing mood swings, and withdrawing from others. Some symptoms can be more severe and can have long-term impacts on an individual, including experiencing consistent flashbacks to a traumatic event, developing panic attacks, sleep problems, or anxiety (also known as Generalized Anxiety Disorder). 

What is Anxiety?

Anxiety can be described as consistent and intense worrying over everyday situations, usually situations that have not yet happened yet. Anxiety sends a message to our brain that we need to do more to prepare for a possible, or upcoming, future event. Some of the physical symptoms that someone can experience when feeling anxious include a fast heart rate, sweating, and rapid breathing. While the causes of anxiety can vary, many people experience anxiety as a result of going through traumatic childhoods or events. 

What Do Anxious Behaviors Look Like?

While anxious behaviors can serve a purpose when they function as part of our body’s defense mechanisms (fight, flight, freeze, etc.), they can create an issue when they occur consistently and at the wrong times. Anxious behaviors can include the following:

• Ongoing feelings of nervousness, restlessness, or feeling “on-edge”

• Feeling irritable

• Experiencing headaches, stomach pains, or other unexplained pains

• Difficulty concentrating or falling/staying asleep

What Do Trauma Responses Look Like?

Traumatic responses are your body’s reaction to trauma. They can include the following:

• Inability to focus or make decisions

• The need to feel guarded or alert at all times

• Flashbacks or constant thoughts of a previous traumatic event

• Being easily startled in settings or situations that do not require you to be on high alert

As you can see from the descriptions and symptoms above, traumatic responses and anxious behaviors can feel similar in the body. The difference between a trauma response and an anxious behavior is where the symptoms are stemming from. Are the symptoms stemming from past events that your body identified as traumatic? Or are they stemming from concerns about future events or events that have not yet taken place (anxiety)? It is also important to know that trauma and anxiety may be connected for some individuals; One can develop anxious behaviors after experiencing traumatic events. 

What Can I Do?

Whether you experience anxious behaviors or trauma responses, it can feel overwhelming to see the impact they can create in our bodies. Know that you are not alone in feeling this way; 1 in 5 people experience anxiety in their lifetime, and 50-60% of people experience at least 1 traumatic event in their lives. Steps toward healing the body can be taken by learning how to regulate ourselves when we start to feel nervous, anxious, fearful, or on edge.

If you find yourself needing support to learn new skills to help you regulate, help address past trauma, or you’re interested in learning more strategies to combat your anxious thoughts, we encourage you to book a phone consultation today at Life by Design. Life by Design offers therapeutic services with qualified professionals that can give you the tools you need to help address your traumatic responses and anxious behaviors. Book a phone consultation here today for more information and to get you connected to additional support. 

“I’m worried about getting older, but what can I do?” Coping With Anxiety About Aging

By Melody Wright, LMFT

As we begin to enter new ages and phases in our life, it can sometimes be difficult to accept that we are getting older. Whether it’s a fear of physically looking older, a concern about not being where you want to be in life, or feeling anxious about what the future holds, the concepts related to getting older sometimes have a negative connotation. If you’re feeling anxious or concerned about aging, below are some things to consider that may help you cope with your concerns and anxiety. 

We’re All Getting Older

You are not the first person to age, and you will not be the last. Sometimes, getting older creates feelings of loneliness or feeling as though we haven’t achieved what we wanted to at this age. Normalizing that others around us are also getting older, and surrounding yourself with a solid support network of friends and loved ones can help reduce your feelings of loneliness or inadequacy. It’s also important to note that age does not dictate where we need to be in life, and that success can mean different things and look different ways to different people. 

Age Does Not Have To Stop Us

Sometimes, the fear associated with getting older is related to feeling worried that we won’t be able to do the things we used to be able to do. Getting older does not automatically equate to a decline in your health, or an inability to try new things. If any of these thoughts concern you, consider the following – Are there any habits you can pick up today that can help create a healthier lifestyle for you? Picking up a new habit that positively impacts your health can help increase your optimism about your future. This is also a gentle reminder that getting older does not make you incapable of trying new things, or prevent you from thriving in a new environment.

Choosing To “Age Well”

As we age, there are things that will be outside of our control. While we cannot control some of the things related to the aging process, we CAN control how we choose to spend our time, who we choose to spend it with, and the activities we choose to spend our time on. One of the benefits of getting older is having the wisdom and agency to choose activities, people, and spaces that make you feel safe and create joy. Making the choice to spend your time doing things you love with people you care about can help you have a positive outlook on aging. 

While we hope that the tips above helped address some of your anxieties around aging, we acknowledge that it may not be sufficient. This is especially true if you feel that your concerns regarding aging are interfering with your daily life. If you find yourself needing support or additional coping strategies, we encourage you to book a phone consultation today at Life by Design. Life by Design offers therapeutic services with qualified professionals that can give you the tools you need to help address your current concerns.  

My Present is Being Affected by My Past: How to Cope When Current Events Bring Up Past Trauma

By Melody Wright, LMFT

As we do our morning scroll through our news and social media apps, there is a substantial amount of events that we are constantly being exposed to. Whether these events are on an international level, such as war or tension between nations, a national level, such as politically charged or party-driven bills that are controversial in nature, or at a local level, such as riots as a result of police brutality, all of these events can trigger negative feelings or reactions. This is especially true if your past involves a traumatic event that is similar in nature to that of current events. 

While the media may be responsible for sharing and keeping us updated on current events, we have the responsibility to process the information that is delivered to us. Sometimes, this means that we need to process any negative feelings that may have been brought up in the course of receiving updates on current events. For an individual who has been targeted by law enforcement as a result of their race, watching a news segment on police brutality can be an extremely stressful experience that can trigger their past trauma. If you’re finding yourself struggling with current events triggering past trauma, below are some coping skills you can practice:

• Practice Mindfulness: Using mindfulness practices when you are feeling a rise in your stress or anxiety levels can be a great way to interrupt your negative thoughts and bring you back to the present. Breathing techniques or guided imagery are great options that can be easily used no matter where you are. 

• Set News or Social Media Boundaries: If you’re finding yourself feeling overwhelmed after scrolling through news and social media apps every morning, you may want to set boundaries around how you are using your time. Reducing your social media usage, changing the time of day in which you scroll through apps, or removing certain apps can help you limit the impact that these apps have on your overall mood. 

• Attend a Workshop or Support Group: There is great value in finding a community of people who share similar concerns, backgrounds, or experiences to you and are dedicated to providing support. Participating in a workshop or Support Group that focuses on the reason for your past trauma or current experiences can help you learn of what others with similar backgrounds are doing to process their trauma. 

• Consider Professional Help: If you’ve implemented any of the strategies above, or other strategies you’ve learned in the past, and are still having a hard time coping with current events, it may be time to consider professional help. 

Feeling constantly triggered by current events can leave us in a state of high stress and emotional fatigue. While we always encourage that you integrate self-care practices to help provide a sense of peace and balance, we acknowledge that it may not be enough. If you’ve considered talking to a therapist to help you process your current emotional state, now may be a good time to connect with someone at Life By Design. Click here for more information on scheduling a consultation. 

Addressing Anxiety At-Home: Relieving Anxiety by Icing Your Vagus Nerve

By Melody Wright, LMFT

Did you know that approximately 18% of the American population experiences anxiety-related disorders, but only about 37% of the population will access treatment? Recent world events have also created higher levels of anxiety, and accessing treatment outside of the home may pose some challenges depending on your region’s Covid restrictions. Addressing anxiety-related symptoms can look differently depending on the individual. For those that may be experiencing barriers accessing resources for anxiety, there are tools that can be learned to help relieve anxiety from the comfort of your own home. Some of the tools involve techniques related to the physical body, such as icing your vagus nerve, as changes in the physical body can create changes in our mental and emotional wellbeing.  

What is a Vagus nerve?

 The vagus nerve is the main nerve of your parasympathetic nervous system. The parasympathetic nervous system controls body functions such as your heart rate, respiratory rate, digestion, and immune system. When activated, the vagus nerve will send a signal to the parasympathetic nervous system to relax. This will then slow down your heart and respiratory rates. 

How do I “ice” my Vagus nerve?

There are many ways to activate your vagus nerve. You can “ice” your vagus nerve by holding a zip lock bag full of ice cubes on your face, or dipping your face in a bowl with cold water. You can also hold a bag of ice on your chest and lay down for 10 to 15 minutes. Another way to activate your vagus nerve without “icing” it is to practice slow deep breaths. 

Why does icing my Vagus nerve relieve anxiety?

Anxiety will usually trigger the fight or flight response, which will increase our heart rate and speed up our breathing. According to experts, cold temperatures can activate your vagus nerve, which will send signals to your parasympathetic system to relax. These signals will help you slow your heart rate, and as a result your breathing, which counteracts the signals that your body sends to “fight or fly” when experiencing anxiety. 

What else can I do at home to relieve my anxiety?

While icing your vagus nerve can be a great way to reduce your anxiety in the moment, we know this may not always be a practical option for our readers to tap into. If you don’t have a bag of ice readily available, or prefer to alternate between strategies, here are some other tools you can use to reduce your anxiety:

• Shift your focus: Distracting your mind can be a great way to pull yourself out of anxious thoughts and get back to the present moment. You can do this by using the 5-4-3-2-1 method. Find and name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. 

• Peel an orange: Certain scents, such as citrus and lavender, can have calming effects on the body. Peeling an orange can help introduce a calming scent to your current environment. 

• Practice Box Breathing: As mentioned before, deep breathing can help activate your vagus nerve. If you’re not familiar with any breathing exercise, try box breathing. To practice box breathing, you inhale for a count of 4, hold your breath for a count of 4, exhale for a count of 4, and hold your breath out for a count of 4. Repeat as necessary until you feel a sense of calm. 

These tips and strategies may help temporarily ease anxiety for some of our readers, but they may not adequately address ongoing anxiety and its related symptoms. Engaging in therapeutic services with a mental health professional may be more appropriate for anyone facing challenges with their current coping mechanisms, or individuals that have been experiencing anxiety for a long period of time. If you find yourself needing new strategies to help you address your anxiety levels, we encourage you to book a phone consultation today at Life by Design. Our telehealth services can be a great resource for anyone experiencing barriers with accessing services outside of their home. 

Brain Fog and Anxiety: Why Is It Hard For Me to Focus?

By Melody Wright, LMFT

As a result of the Covid pandemic, and its impact on our day-to-day lives, many of us have been experiencing increased levels of stress over the last couple of years. These heightened stress levels may have impacted or exacerbated areas of our lives related to our physical and mental health. For individuals that experience anxiety, high levels of stress can make anxiety levels worse. This increase in stress and overall levels of anxiety can affect our ability to focus, or create “brain fog.”

What is Brain Fog?

 “Brain Fog” is a term used to describe a lack of mental clarity, the inability to focus, feeling confused, or simply feeling “scatter-brained.” Brain fog can make it difficult to complete tasks that you previously may not have had any issues completing. It can also present itself as forgetfulness, or being easily distracted. Other characteristics of brain fog can include feeling fatigued, or having a hard time organizing thoughts or activities. 

Why does my brain feel foggy when I am anxious?

Anxiety taps into our mental capacity. If a person is experiencing an increase in anxious thoughts and taps into their mental resources at a higher rate than usual, this can have an impact  on their overall thought process. A high impact on a person’s thought process is what can create feelings of brain fog. The stressors, anxiety levels, and mental resources can vary from person to person, and so can their resulting levels of brain fog. 

How can I “clear out” my brain fog?

Since brain fog can be directly related to anxiety, it is important to address the “root cause” of the brain fog. Treatment for anxiety is not a “one size fits all” – different individuals have different needs and it’s important to explore options in order to see what works best for you. With that said, below are some options to help address the brain fog that comes as a result of anxious thoughts:

• Incorporate mindfulness practices into your day. This can include taking a walk when you feel overwhelmed with work, or playing nature sounds on your phone when you’re doing an activity that is causing you stress. 

• Keep a notebook or planner handy in order to write down to-do items. This can help address the sense of forgetfulness that you may experience as a result of brain fog. 

• Whenever possible, reassess your current timelines or activities with time constraints and ask for extensions or accommodations. Whether it’s asking for an extension on a report, or requesting an accommodation for a longer test-taking period, making adjustments to activities that cause high levels of stress can help alleviate stress and reduce anxiety levels. These activities also require a higher level of focus, so an extended timeline can help give you that extra time you need to think. 

• Book an appointment with a therapist. If you’re having some trouble implementing strategies to help your anxiety and resulting brain fog, you can always tap into outside support. A therapist can help you implement coping mechanisms that may be a better fit for you and your day-to-day routine and responsibilities. 

While the tips above may be helpful to some of our readers, we encourage you to tweak them and make them your own so they can best support you and your current lifestyle. If you find yourself needing additional support, but have not taken steps to find and see a therapist, we encourage you to book a phone consultation today at Life by Design. Life by Design offers therapeutic services with qualified professionals that can give you the tools you need to help address anxiety and brain fog. Book a phone consultation today to get you connected to additional support.

My Anxious Thoughts Can Be Overwhelming: How to Use Affirmations to Help Ease Anxious Thoughts

by Melody Wright, LMFT

Anxious thoughts or worries can be caused by stress and anxiety. You may have noticed that current world events, as well as the ongoing pandemic, may have impacted or increased the amount of anxious thoughts you’re experiencing. If you’re finding that your anxious thoughts are becoming overwhelming, using coping mechanisms such as affirmations can help you ease your anxious thoughts. 

Affirmations can be described as positive statements that can help you challenge and address anxious, or worrying, thoughts. Affirmations are usually short statements that are meant to help you feel in control of your thoughts and emotions. When practiced enough, they can help us make positive changes and stop our anxious thoughts from escalating or becoming overwhelming. If you’re ready to create some affirmations for yourself, you can reference the tips below while you put them together:

• Make your affirmations short, sweet, and to the point. This will help make your affirmations easy to remember and easy to use whenever you need them. 

• Make affirmations relevant to you and your desired actions. The things that make you anxious can be very different than what makes someone else worry. Tailoring your affirmations to address the things that make you anxious, or help you refocus, will help them be more effective for you. 

• Make affirmations meaningful. Affirmations are meant to create a positive mindframe for you, and help you move away from anxious thoughts. The more meaningful the affirmation, the better mindset you can achieve from reciting it. 

If you’re having trouble coming up with some affirmations, here’s some sample ones to get you started:

• “This is only a thought, and I can change this thought”

• “I have been through this before, and trust I can get through this again”

• “I will take a step back and breathe, and return to this feeling relaxed and calmer”

• “I am enough and I am doing enough.”

• “I am open to new opportunities”

• “I am happy and grateful for my current health”

Notice that these affirmations can vary in purpose and address different types of thoughts. Affirmations can address negative thoughts directly (“This is only a thought, and I can change this thought”), or they can focus on specific feelings that may usually trigger worries or negative thoughts (“I am enough and I am doing enough.”) If you notice that specific feelings trigger your anxious thoughts, such as not feeling worthy or being concerned about not doing enough, you can create affirmations that help remind you that you are worthy and that you are doing your best, which is more than enough. As you create these affirmations, we encourage you to be gentle with yourself and remember to give yourself grace, and integrate that grace and care within your affirmations. 

While we understand that not all of these affirmations may be applicable to you, we encourage you to find and create affirmations that feel right for you and your current situation. If you find yourself needing some support with creating affirmations, or you’re interested in learning more strategies to combat your anxious thoughts, we encourage you to book a phone consultation today at Life by Design. Life by Design offers therapeutic services with qualified professionals that can give you the tools you need to help address your worries and anxious thoughts. Book a phone consultation today for more information and get you connected to additional support. 

It’s Okay Not to Be Okay; How to Overcome When You’re Feeling Overwhelmed

by Melody Wright, LMFT

2021 has presented us with many challenges at an individual, national, and global level. These challenges have created higher levels of stress in us and those around us. Many people have reported feeling high levels of stress due to being affected by Covid, being impacted by the racial and political tension within our country, and being exposed to higher rates of crime. These stressors may have also led to feelings of fear, frustration, anger, and overall feeling inundated by what is going on in the world around us. No matter what challenges or stressors you’ve faced this last year, we want to reassure you that it is okay not to be okay. 

As you look back at the events that took place over this last year, it is important to notice how these events have impacted your physical, emotional, and mental health. When we give ourselves permission to acknowledge that we are not okay or that something does not feel right, we can start the journey of healing by identifying the parts in us that need some extra care and attention. You may also find comfort in knowing that there are many others at this moment that are feeling the same way you are. It may also help you to know that there are strategies to help you cope when you are feeling overstressed or overwhelmed. 

At this point in time, you may be feeling like things are not going the way you hoped they would or that they are not getting better as fast as you’d hoped. That’s okay.

While it may not feel like things are going well for you right now, there are strategies you can implement today to help you feel a little less overwhelmed and more hopeful about current events: 

• Eat, sleep, repeat. This sounds easy in theory, but many people sacrifice sleep and regular meals when they feel stressed or overwhelmed. Ironically, not eating or sleeping well will contribute to higher stress levels or irritability. Getting enough sleep and eating well will help you with your focus and overall mood. 

• Pick-up or restart your old hobbies. It is important to make time for activities that create moments of fun and relaxation. If it’s been a while since your last nature hike, or you have been meaning to read a new book, adding just a few minutes to your day for a hobby can help give you some much needed me-time for things that make you happy. 

• Create a to-do list. If you’re feeling overwhelmed with tasks and work well with visual reminders, putting together a to-do list may help you organize your thoughts. You may find yourself feeling a bit more at ease once you can visualize all the things that need to be done. The physical act of getting the thoughts out of your mind and onto paper may also provide a sense of relief. Bonus points to you if you list items in order of priority so you can clearly identify what needs to get done first. 

• Tidy up. The last thing you want to do sometimes is add another item to your to-do list. With that said, cleaning can help give you a break from your overwhelming thoughts AND help you declutter your physical space. The decluttering of your physical space can help you feel mentally decluttered as well. 

Whether you’re going through a difficult time in your life or are feeling emotionally exhausted due to this year’s events, know that you are among many who are experiencing and feeling the same things you are. You may not be okay right now, but you will be. Being able to feel okay again sometimes means tapping into your support system. Your support system can help give you an outside perspective or coping strategies based on your current life circumstances.

Remember that a therapist can be part of that much-needed support system. For more information, reach out to us on getting connected to a member of our team. 

Also, if you’re needing some additional support we have an online Grief and Loss Workshop this December. Click here to learn more.

5 Tips for Navigating Pandemic-Related Stress

by Melody Wright, LMFT

Now that the one-year anniversary of the COVID-19 lockdown has come and gone, many of us are reflecting on the ways our lives have changed as a result of the pandemic. Some of those changes may be positive, such as spending more time on hobbies while we're at home. However, many of them may be the result of pandemic-related stress that we're still navigating, more than 365 days later. Our children's schools may not have reopened, so we may still be watching them, or we may still be adjusting to working from home.

And, with the vaccine becoming more widely available, many of us are facing renewed anxiety around COVID-19. There are dozens of questions on our minds: when will we be able to get vaccinated? When will we be able to stop wearing a mask? Will we be able to go on our summer vacation? In other words, just because there is hope on the horizon does not mean that pandemic-related stress is going to disappear overnight. We still need to develop healthy ways to cope with the aftermath of the COVID-19 pandemic.

These five essential tips will help you navigate pandemic-related stress in a proactive way. Strengthening your coping skills will not only serve you during the pandemic, but it will continue to improve your stress management in your everyday life.

1. Take a break from the news.

As critical as it is to stay informed, you should limit the amount of time you spend consuming news about the pandemic. Information about social distancing and vaccine scheduling matters, but it can also be incredibly disheartening when it is all we are hearing about. It's important to take time away from the news to engage in conversation about ordinary life: people we know, things we enjoy, and all the things we would talk about under "normal" circumstances! ("News" includes social media, too.)

2. Connect with loved ones.

Many of us have been isolated for some time due to the coronavirus pandemic, leaving us feeling down in the dumps. Maintaining strong social connections is essential to our mental health. Luckily, thanks to modern technology, we can still connect with friends and family from a safe distance. Scheduling virtual lunch or dinner dates, or simply picking up the phone to call a friend, can make a huge difference in helping you feel less lonely during the pandemic.

3. Follow your daily routine.

When working from home, or otherwise experiencing interruptions in your daily routine, it's easy to start the day off on the wrong foot. It may be tempting to wear pajamas to work all day (who would ever know?) or order takeout every day for dinner instead of cooking. However, keeping up with as much of your regular routine as possible can help you restore some sense of normalcy to your life. You can't control when the country reopens, but you can decide to get dressed in the morning as if you were going to the office or to meal plan the same way you would if the kids were going to school.

4. Incorporate light physical activity.

Exercise releases endorphins that boost our mood and relieve stress. The thought of going to the gym or for an hour-long run during a global pandemic may feel overwhelming, but exercise doesn't have to be structured. Your daily "workout" might include walking the dog, jumping on the trampoline with your kids, or even cleaning the house. Even simply standing up every 30 minutes while working from home can benefit your health. The key is to find easy activities you love to do that don't feel like work! 

5. Speak to your employer.

Lots of workers, especially healthcare workers and essential workers, are feeling the effects of pandemic-related stress in the office, and many employers have set up infrastructures to help employees cope. If working from home with kids or working long shifts in an essential workplace is becoming overwhelming, speak to your employer to see if there are wellness supports in place to help make things easier. You might even be able to move your shifts around or get more flexibility with time off to take care of the kids and other responsibilities at home, alleviating some of the stress of the pandemic.

Why Understanding Your Window of Tolerance is Essential to Managing Stress and Overwhelm

by Melody Wright, LMFT

Do you ever notice yourself feeling stressed out, out of control or on edge? Or, the opposite: do you find yourself feeling zoned out, numb or shut down? These states of hyper- and hypo-arousal suggest that you're operating outside of your window of tolerance, a term used in therapy to describe the state when you're at your best and most able to cope with any challenges thrown your way.

Sometimes, traumatic experiences shrink our window of tolerance, meaning it takes less stress to throw us off-balance. The narrower your window of tolerance, the more intense and difficult it may be to manage your emotions and moments of stress. Here's how to understand what your window of tolerance is, what types of events may narrow your window of tolerance and how it impacts your overall mental health.

What Shapes Your Window of Tolerance

When you feel safe and supported, you are most likely to be able to cope with events that threaten to push you outside your window of tolerance. But when a stressful or traumatic event occurs, your window of tolerance may narrow. As a result, you may react to minor stressors with a disproportionate response of hyper- or hypo-arousal.

Traumatic events impact our ability to self-soothe and self-regulate. In other words, we are no longer able to comfort ourselves and reign in our emotions the way we are able to when we are within our window of tolerance. Trauma also changes our thoughts and beliefs, creating a new way of thinking and feeling that perpetuates the cycle of hyper- or hypo-arousal.

People who frequently operate outside their window of tolerance may be more likely to experience symptoms of depression (a state of extreme hypo-arousal) or anxiety (a state of extreme hyper-arousal). Someone who is often in a state of hyper-arousal due to a traumatic incident may develop post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD, leading them to experience flashbacks, nightmares, derealization and depersonalization. 

How to Manage Your Window of Tolerance

A trained somatic therapist can support you by beginning to identify your specific patterns of hyper- or hypo-arousal and can guide you through body-based techniques that can help you move from a more aroused state to a calmer state.  This process includes increasing awareness around when you are operating within your window versus when you are feeling dysregulated and outside of your window.  Some of these techniques include mindfulness, grounding and thought reframing.

Mindfulness

Mindfulness techniques encourage us to remain focused on the present moment, rather than living in the past or worrying about the future. Mindfulness practices can include meditation or deep breathing, as well as activities like listening to music, cooking or eating and practicing yoga. Anything can become a mindfulness practice if it is done with intention! Utilizing mindfulness in a therapy session can support you with learning how to regulate your nervous system and feel a sense of calm and ease within your body.

Grounding

Grounding techniques also encourage you to stay rooted in the present moment, or grounded, by taking stock of the world around you. Here's an easy grounding exercise to try next time you feel like you might leave your window of tolerance: name five things you can see, four things you can hear, three things you can feel, two things you can smell and one thing you can taste. Using our senses helps us stay grounded in the present moment and can bring us back down to earth when we feel hyper- or hypo-aroused.  A therapist can support you in grounding when you begin to feel activated during session.

Thought Reframing

As we mentioned, traumatic events can generate thought patterns and beliefs that threaten to disrupt our well-being. For example, after hearing a verbally abusive partner's comments for long enough, a person may go on to believe that they are worthless and that no one will love them. Learning to examine the evidence for and against these thoughts can help you decide if these thoughts are worth listening to -- or whether they are negative beliefs shaped by your history.  Our therapists utilize a wide range of tools such as expressive arts, sand tray, role playing, movement, and other tools to explore both the conscious and subconscious thoughts or beliefs you may be holding.  

Learning how to expand your window of tolerance can be challenging to do by yourself. However, with the help of a qualified somatic therapist, you can learn to regulate your emotions and intentionally bring yourself back into your window whenever you are feeling stress or overwhelm.

Therapy Reflections

1. How do you know when you are feeling anxious? What are some of the first physical signs that you notice?

2. How do you know when you are feeling down or depressed? What do you do or say to yourself when you’re feeling down?

3. What have you done in the past that has helped you feel better in those moments?

4. What are some of your go-to activities that help you when you’re feeling stress or overwhelm?

16 Ways You Can Reduce Anxiety Today

by Melody Wright, LMFT

Life can move at a fast pace and the inertia can take over, leaving us feeling empty without the steam to go any further.  What exactly is anxiety? Anxiety is an overwhelming feeling that interferes with daily life. To each person, the experience is different and can be caused by public speaking, test taking or starting a new job or school. 

Sometimes anxiety can take over, but the good news is, there are quick and simple steps you can take to settle your anxiety, think better and feel refreshed.

Best Anxiety Reducing Habits

1. Yoga- Aside from the anxiety-reducing benefits of yoga, it also has other positive side effects, such as a better quality of sleep and circulation. 

2. Dance- If you are feeling anxious, try dance. Enroll in a class such as jazz, tap, and ballet; or take friends and dance for fun. 

3. Massage- For stiff or tight muscles from strain or tension, a 30 minute to an hour massage can help reduce tension so you can relax. 

4. Meditation-  Calming the mind from thoughts that produce anxiety is another way. Find a quiet place wherever you are and practice meditation. There are also free apps that can help you focus and meditate. 

5. Counting down from Ten- The rules your mom mentioned about counting to ten still works. If you are feeling overwhelmed, excuse yourself and take a few moments away. Count down from 10 while being conscious of your breathing. 

6. Awareness- As much as the term seems trivial, it is amazing how often we don’t realize how certain people and situations impact our physical, mental and emotional well-being. Remember self-care and assessment; listen to your body’s cues to situations. 

7. Focus your breathing- While you are meditating and taking a moment, practice deep breathing in through your nose and slowly exhale through your mouth. Increasing the oxygen to your body helps ease the symptoms of anxiety. 

8. Connect to Earth-  Make a routine of getting outside, practice yoga or meditation outside. Reading in the park is a break from technology and a good time for fresh air. 

9. Go for a walk- Even if it's for 15 minutes, walking will do wonders for your physical and emotional well-being. Thus giving your mind a chance to rest. Bring your partner or even your pet and make this a healthy habit. 

10. Drink water- Dehydration contributes to a lack of mental and physical function. Make sure you are getting enough each day and more during extra physical activities and during the summer when the heat has increased.

11. Decrease screen time before bed-  light stimulates our eyes. Allow yourself time away from electronics and television before bed so you can fall asleep easier. 

12. Baths- Raising your body temperature eases anxiety and reduces tension in the muscles. Adding Epsom salt with essential oils such as lavender and eucalyptus have calming qualities. 

13. Journaling and creative arts-  Sometimes writing your feelings and thoughts down acts as a release. If you like to paint or draw, this is another form of expressive art that combines creativity and healing in one. Listening, playing and writing music are also ways to soothe yourself in times of stress. 

14. Connecting with family and friends- It is okay to receive support from those you are close to. Just making a call to someone or stepping out to a quick meal with a friend can make the difference in your day. Make a point to check in with someone close often and reduce isolation during times you feel anxious. 

15. Cross lateral movements- Parents, kindergym for children is a great activity that incorporates learning with physical activities. And, this is not just for kids! Cross lateral movements can active both sides of the brain, which can help with integration and becoming more present and grounded.

16. Remember what you're grateful for- Sometimes just taking time to consider the good things you have in your life can turn around your state of mind. 

Remember to take time for yourself and remember that it is normal to experience anxiety in certain situations. However, if you have persistent anxiety that inhibits your ability to complete daily tasks, or it is interfering with other areas of your life, reach out to your therapist and find out what else you can do to reduce your anxiety.