Decoding Responses – Personality or Products of Trauma?

By Melody Wright, LMFT

The moment we experience something traumatic, whether an event or endure prolonged exposure to stress, our brains begin to program themselves to survive. We develop ways to respond to keep us safe. Whether we’re considering our minds, bodies, and emotions we naturally develop ways to protect ourselves. These are called trauma responses. 

Interestingly, we can become so used to feeling the need to protect ourselves that our trauma responses become what some consider their personalities. Have you ever considered yourself a people pleaser? Or maybe you feel the need to take control of every situation you’re in. These can oftentimes be thought of as “just who you are”, however, these could also be trauma responses. Just as Bessel van der Kolk wrote, “Trauma comes back as a reaction, not a memory.” Trauma is like a puzzle, and knowing how you respond is like finding the first piece. It’s not about labeling yourself, it’s about becoming aware and learning how to cope and find healing and resilience. In this blog, we will explore four common trauma responses and how to navigate them. 

Fight: Confronting the Storm

The fight response looks a lot like it sounds. When confronted with perceived danger, some of us instinctively activate the fight response. This response is a response of self-preservation. It can manifest as a surge of adrenaline, a sharpening of focus, and an intense readiness.

If you have a predominant fight response you might find yourself prone to confrontations, whether verbal or physical. You may become assertive, defensive, or even hostile when faced with challenges. While this response can be adaptive in certain situations, it can also lead to relationship difficulties and a heightened state of stress. However, this response can reveal itself in other ways like publicly outing a cheating partner or spreading a rumor about a coworker who upset you. 

Flight: Seeking Safety in Escape

Have you ever found yourself attempting to deny emotions that might come up in you? Or maybe you retreat to somewhere you find safe if you are confronted with an uncomfortable situation. This is the flight response. Just like fight, flight is a survival mechanism, used to protect oneself from perceived harm. Suppose the flight response is prominent for you. In that case, you might find that you immerse yourself in your studies to keep yourself occupied, proactively creating an escape plan whenever you enter a new place, or maybe drowning out arguments with music. 

For those who feel they are perfectionist, you might find flight is your go-to trauma response because there is an underlying desire to prevent people from criticizing you. You avoid confrontation. This can also make relationships challenging. Those who experience flight, tend to end relationships that might feel threatening to them. For example, you break up with them before they can break up with you. 

Freeze: The Paralysis of Overwhelm

When thinking about the freeze response, think about the scene from The Notebook where Noah asks Allie “What do you want” and she responds “It’s not that simple!”. Allie is having a hard time expressing her needs and is feeling indecisive. Many people who experience the freeze response tend to have issues with expressing their needs and making decisions. This is because your brain presses the pause button but continues to remain alert. For those who experience the freeze response, you might find that you physically detach from the world by sleeping or not leaving your home. Some people even mentally check out by utilizing disassociation. 

Fawn: The Dance of People-Pleasing

Do you ever find yourself consistently feeling the need to “keep the peace”? If you answered “yes”, more than likely your trauma response is to fawn. Those who experience this response might find themselves doing whatever they can to keep others around them happy to avoid friction. You might find that boundaries around your own needs are very difficult to hold or communicate about. This can include doing whatever your partner tells you even if you don’t want to, or doing whatever you can to keep your manager happy to avoid confrontation. 

Navigating Your Trauma Response

Becoming aware of your trauma response is a pivotal step toward healing and growth. After reading through the different responses, maybe you found yourself identifying with more than one. This is normal. Your trauma responses can change over time and vary between different people involved or situations that arise. Here are a few steps you can take to navigate your trauma response and begin to heal. 

1. Self-Reflection: Take time to reflect on your typical responses in challenging situations. Do you tend to fight, flee, freeze, or fawn? You might find it helpful to keep a journal of the different situations you come up against and how you respond.

2. Mindfulness Practices: Engage in mindfulness and grounding techniques to stay present and connected to your body. Practices such as deep breathing, meditation, or yoga can help regulate your nervous system and reduce the intensity of trauma responses.

3. Seek Therapeutic Support: Seeking therapy can provide a safe space to explore and understand your trauma response. A therapist can offer guidance, support, and tools to help you navigate the impact of past experiences on your present behavior.

4. Cultivate Healthy Coping Mechanisms: Replace unhealthy coping mechanisms with healthier alternatives. This might include practicing self-compassion, setting boundaries, and developing effective communication skills.

Final Thoughts 

Recognizing the way you respond to stress is a powerful way to start your self-growth journey. Once you engage with awareness you are then able to take proactive steps to foster resilience and cultivate a healthier, more balanced life. Whether you tend to fight, flee, freeze, or fawn, embracing your unique response with compassion and a commitment to growth is the key to transforming the impact of trauma on your present and future self.

Life By Design Therapy has therapists with trauma-informed lenses to support your journey through healing. If you’re ready to begin that journey CLICK HERE to schedule a phone consultation with a therapist today. 

Affirmations for Trauma

1. I release the hold that trauma has on me, and I embrace the power of my own resilience. 

2. I trust in my ability to cope with difficult emotions, and I allow myself the space to feel and heal. 

3.  I let go of shame and guilt; they have no place in my journey toward healing.

4. I am reclaiming control over my life, and I choose to focus on the positive possibilities ahead.

5. I am resilient, and my strength grows with each challenge I overcome.

Additional Resources

1. When the Body Says No: Exploring the Stress-Disease Connection by Gabor Maté M.D.

2. What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma by  Stephanie Foo 

3. No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model by Richard Schwartz Ph.D. 

4. Don't Believe Everything You Think: Why Your Thinking Is The Beginning & End Of Suffering (Beyond Suffering) by Joseph Nguyen

5. The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk M.D

6. Trauma and Recovery by Judith L. Herman

7. Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma by Peter A. Levine

8. The Deepest Well: Healing the Long-Term Effects of Childhood Adversity" by Nadine Burke Harris

9. What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing By Oprah Winfrey

10. It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle by Mark Wolynn

The Invisible Impact: How Trauma Affects Your Physical Wellbeing

By Melody Wright, LMFT

Trauma is a multifaceted experience that extends far beyond emotional pain. It possesses the unique ability to not only infiltrate the mind but also the very fabric of our physical well-being. The connection between trauma and physical health is a subject that calls for exploration because when you can understand this link it can pave the way for deep healing. 

The Invisible Impact

The mind-body connection is made up of biological, psychological, and social factors. Whether your trauma comes from childhood adversity, a distressing event, or prolonged exposure it can have a significant impact on your physical body. When you experience trauma, your body will respond with a heightened state of alertness which can trigger stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline within the body. Initial responses to experiencing something traumatic could be exhaustion, anxiety, confusion, and even disassociation. Of course, these responses are essential for survival, however, chronic or extending amounts of exposure can wreak havoc on your body. We have two places that take hits when exposed to stress, our hypothalamic pituitary adrenal axis or HPA, and the autonomic nervous system. The regulation of these systems is known as the “allostatic load”(McFarlane, 2010). This means if you experience prolonged heightened cortisol levels, they can become toxic to your body which can lead to a contagion of different health issues. 

There are links between those who have experienced trauma and those who have disorders of the HPA which can manifest as things like fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, and irritable bowel syndrome. However, no person is the same, and just because you’ve experienced something traumatic does it mean that it will manifest long-term in the body. 

Healing After Trauma

Awareness of what is occurring within your body and how it might be linked to the trauma you’ve experienced can support the steps you need to take on your healing journey. However, healing from trauma can be intimidating. Here are a few things you can do to begin your journey. 

1. Connect with a Therapist - There are many different therapeutic interventions that you can access through seeing a professional. Engaging in therapies like Somatic Therapy or EDMR can support creating a safe space to revisit, reframe, and release the trauma you’ve been carrying.

2. Try Mindfulness Practices: When engaging in mindfulness, you begin to train your mind to become aware of your mind, body, and spirit. These practices can be journaling, meditation, and yoga. Mindfulness can offer moments of respite, fostering awareness of the present, and promoting relaxation which can support reducing cortisol levels within the body.

3. Prioritize Self-Care: Self-care is essential when you’re recovering and healing and it can look different for everyone. When you provide compassion and kindness for yourself you are engaging in self-care. This could be resisting affirmations over yourself, allowing yourself to rest and read a good book, or even having coffee with a close friend.

4. Nourish Your Mind and Body: Supporting your body with physical activity and nutrient-dense food encourages your immune system to heal and function at its fullest potential as well as increase levels of the “feel good” hormones - dopamine, and serotonin. When you are healing from trauma, having a supported immune system will benefit your overall healing in the long run. 

Final Thoughts

Trauma and the impact it has on you is based on the severity and the perception of the event/events that occur. Your journey toward healing should be paved with patience and compassion because everyone’s story looks different, which means that the way you heal is completely unique to you.

If you find that you are dealing with physical manifestations of your trauma, or physical symptoms in general, we recommend connecting with a Somatic, Holistic, and Trauma-Informed therapist to guide you through the steps and support you in navigating the depths of your experience. In the unraveling of this mind-body connection, you will find threads of resilience, which leads to strength and renewal. 

Here at Life By Design Therapy, we have a team who specialize in Somatic and Holistic Therapies. If you are ready to find the resilience within, connect with us today by scheduling a phone consultation.

Affirmations for Trauma

1. As I release the weight of past traumas, my body responds with strength and vitality.

2. My body is resilient, and I am gradually releasing the tension and pain stored within it.

3. I acknowledge the impact of trauma on my physical body, and I am committed to fostering a compassionate connection between my mind and body.

4. I am actively working towards healing, and with each passing day, my body becomes a safer and more comfortable place to reside.

5. I choose to nurture my body with practices that promote healing and restoration.

ADDITIONAL Resources

1. The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk M.D

2. Trauma and Recovery by Judith L. Herman

3. Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma by Peter A. Levine

4. The Deepest Well: Healing the Long-Term Effects of Childhood Adversity" by Nadine Burke Harris

5. What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing By Oprah Winfrey

6. It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle by Mark Wolynn

7. When the Body Says No: Exploring the Stress-Disease Connection by Gabor Maté M.D.

8. What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma by  Stephanie Foo 

9. No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model by Richard Schwartz Ph.D. 

10. Don't Believe Everything You Think: Why Your Thinking Is The Beginning & End Of Suffering (Beyond Suffering) by Joseph Nguyen

Is This Anxiety or Trauma? Anxious Behaviors vs. Trauma Responses

By Melody Wright, LMFT

When talking about mental health with others, you might notice that some of the signs and symptoms of Anxiety and Trauma may sound very familiar despite stemming from different events or diagnoses. For individuals wanting to learn more about their own mental health, or experiencing symptoms that may be related to anxiety or trauma, it can be very helpful to understand where their current symptoms stem from. This can help us seek and identify resources that will help us address our symptoms, as well as learn new ways to regulate ourselves when we feel overwhelmed or on edge. 

What is Trauma?

The American Psychological Association defines trauma as an “emotional response to a terrible event” such as abuse, community violence, or experiencing significant injury or loss. The symptoms we exhibit after experiencing trauma are directly related to events that happened in our past that did not make us feel safe or put us directly in the middle of unsafe situations. Some of the symptoms that people exhibit after experiencing trauma can include fatigue, feeling sad, and hopeless, experiencing mood swings, and withdrawing from others. Some symptoms can be more severe and can have long-term impacts on an individual, including experiencing consistent flashbacks to a traumatic event, developing panic attacks, sleep problems, or anxiety (also known as Generalized Anxiety Disorder). 

What is Anxiety?

Anxiety can be described as consistent and intense worrying over everyday situations, usually situations that have not yet happened yet. Anxiety sends a message to our brain that we need to do more to prepare for a possible, or upcoming, future event. Some of the physical symptoms that someone can experience when feeling anxious include a fast heart rate, sweating, and rapid breathing. While the causes of anxiety can vary, many people experience anxiety as a result of going through traumatic childhoods or events. 

What Do Anxious Behaviors Look Like?

While anxious behaviors can serve a purpose when they function as part of our body’s defense mechanisms (fight, flight, freeze, etc.), they can create an issue when they occur consistently and at the wrong times. Anxious behaviors can include the following:

• Ongoing feelings of nervousness, restlessness, or feeling “on-edge”

• Feeling irritable

• Experiencing headaches, stomach pains, or other unexplained pains

• Difficulty concentrating or falling/staying asleep

What Do Trauma Responses Look Like?

Traumatic responses are your body’s reaction to trauma. They can include the following:

• Inability to focus or make decisions

• The need to feel guarded or alert at all times

• Flashbacks or constant thoughts of a previous traumatic event

• Being easily startled in settings or situations that do not require you to be on high alert

As you can see from the descriptions and symptoms above, traumatic responses and anxious behaviors can feel similar in the body. The difference between a trauma response and an anxious behavior is where the symptoms are stemming from. Are the symptoms stemming from past events that your body identified as traumatic? Or are they stemming from concerns about future events or events that have not yet taken place (anxiety)? It is also important to know that trauma and anxiety may be connected for some individuals; One can develop anxious behaviors after experiencing traumatic events. 

What Can I Do?

Whether you experience anxious behaviors or trauma responses, it can feel overwhelming to see the impact they can create in our bodies. Know that you are not alone in feeling this way; 1 in 5 people experience anxiety in their lifetime, and 50-60% of people experience at least 1 traumatic event in their lives. Steps toward healing the body can be taken by learning how to regulate ourselves when we start to feel nervous, anxious, fearful, or on edge.

If you find yourself needing support to learn new skills to help you regulate, help address past trauma, or you’re interested in learning more strategies to combat your anxious thoughts, we encourage you to book a phone consultation today at Life by Design. Life by Design offers therapeutic services with qualified professionals that can give you the tools you need to help address your traumatic responses and anxious behaviors. Book a phone consultation here today for more information and to get you connected to additional support.