Decoding Responses – Personality or Products of Trauma?

By Melody Wright, LMFT

The moment we experience something traumatic, whether an event or endure prolonged exposure to stress, our brains begin to program themselves to survive. We develop ways to respond to keep us safe. Whether we’re considering our minds, bodies, and emotions we naturally develop ways to protect ourselves. These are called trauma responses. 

Interestingly, we can become so used to feeling the need to protect ourselves that our trauma responses become what some consider their personalities. Have you ever considered yourself a people pleaser? Or maybe you feel the need to take control of every situation you’re in. These can oftentimes be thought of as “just who you are”, however, these could also be trauma responses. Just as Bessel van der Kolk wrote, “Trauma comes back as a reaction, not a memory.” Trauma is like a puzzle, and knowing how you respond is like finding the first piece. It’s not about labeling yourself, it’s about becoming aware and learning how to cope and find healing and resilience. In this blog, we will explore four common trauma responses and how to navigate them. 

Fight: Confronting the Storm

The fight response looks a lot like it sounds. When confronted with perceived danger, some of us instinctively activate the fight response. This response is a response of self-preservation. It can manifest as a surge of adrenaline, a sharpening of focus, and an intense readiness.

If you have a predominant fight response you might find yourself prone to confrontations, whether verbal or physical. You may become assertive, defensive, or even hostile when faced with challenges. While this response can be adaptive in certain situations, it can also lead to relationship difficulties and a heightened state of stress. However, this response can reveal itself in other ways like publicly outing a cheating partner or spreading a rumor about a coworker who upset you. 

Flight: Seeking Safety in Escape

Have you ever found yourself attempting to deny emotions that might come up in you? Or maybe you retreat to somewhere you find safe if you are confronted with an uncomfortable situation. This is the flight response. Just like fight, flight is a survival mechanism, used to protect oneself from perceived harm. Suppose the flight response is prominent for you. In that case, you might find that you immerse yourself in your studies to keep yourself occupied, proactively creating an escape plan whenever you enter a new place, or maybe drowning out arguments with music. 

For those who feel they are perfectionist, you might find flight is your go-to trauma response because there is an underlying desire to prevent people from criticizing you. You avoid confrontation. This can also make relationships challenging. Those who experience flight, tend to end relationships that might feel threatening to them. For example, you break up with them before they can break up with you. 

Freeze: The Paralysis of Overwhelm

When thinking about the freeze response, think about the scene from The Notebook where Noah asks Allie “What do you want” and she responds “It’s not that simple!”. Allie is having a hard time expressing her needs and is feeling indecisive. Many people who experience the freeze response tend to have issues with expressing their needs and making decisions. This is because your brain presses the pause button but continues to remain alert. For those who experience the freeze response, you might find that you physically detach from the world by sleeping or not leaving your home. Some people even mentally check out by utilizing disassociation. 

Fawn: The Dance of People-Pleasing

Do you ever find yourself consistently feeling the need to “keep the peace”? If you answered “yes”, more than likely your trauma response is to fawn. Those who experience this response might find themselves doing whatever they can to keep others around them happy to avoid friction. You might find that boundaries around your own needs are very difficult to hold or communicate about. This can include doing whatever your partner tells you even if you don’t want to, or doing whatever you can to keep your manager happy to avoid confrontation. 

Navigating Your Trauma Response

Becoming aware of your trauma response is a pivotal step toward healing and growth. After reading through the different responses, maybe you found yourself identifying with more than one. This is normal. Your trauma responses can change over time and vary between different people involved or situations that arise. Here are a few steps you can take to navigate your trauma response and begin to heal. 

1. Self-Reflection: Take time to reflect on your typical responses in challenging situations. Do you tend to fight, flee, freeze, or fawn? You might find it helpful to keep a journal of the different situations you come up against and how you respond.

2. Mindfulness Practices: Engage in mindfulness and grounding techniques to stay present and connected to your body. Practices such as deep breathing, meditation, or yoga can help regulate your nervous system and reduce the intensity of trauma responses.

3. Seek Therapeutic Support: Seeking therapy can provide a safe space to explore and understand your trauma response. A therapist can offer guidance, support, and tools to help you navigate the impact of past experiences on your present behavior.

4. Cultivate Healthy Coping Mechanisms: Replace unhealthy coping mechanisms with healthier alternatives. This might include practicing self-compassion, setting boundaries, and developing effective communication skills.

Final Thoughts 

Recognizing the way you respond to stress is a powerful way to start your self-growth journey. Once you engage with awareness you are then able to take proactive steps to foster resilience and cultivate a healthier, more balanced life. Whether you tend to fight, flee, freeze, or fawn, embracing your unique response with compassion and a commitment to growth is the key to transforming the impact of trauma on your present and future self.

Life By Design Therapy has therapists with trauma-informed lenses to support your journey through healing. If you’re ready to begin that journey CLICK HERE to schedule a phone consultation with a therapist today. 

Affirmations for Trauma

1. I release the hold that trauma has on me, and I embrace the power of my own resilience. 

2. I trust in my ability to cope with difficult emotions, and I allow myself the space to feel and heal. 

3.  I let go of shame and guilt; they have no place in my journey toward healing.

4. I am reclaiming control over my life, and I choose to focus on the positive possibilities ahead.

5. I am resilient, and my strength grows with each challenge I overcome.

Additional Resources

1. When the Body Says No: Exploring the Stress-Disease Connection by Gabor Maté M.D.

2. What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma by  Stephanie Foo 

3. No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model by Richard Schwartz Ph.D. 

4. Don't Believe Everything You Think: Why Your Thinking Is The Beginning & End Of Suffering (Beyond Suffering) by Joseph Nguyen

5. The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk M.D

6. Trauma and Recovery by Judith L. Herman

7. Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma by Peter A. Levine

8. The Deepest Well: Healing the Long-Term Effects of Childhood Adversity" by Nadine Burke Harris

9. What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing By Oprah Winfrey

10. It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle by Mark Wolynn

The Invisible Impact: How Trauma Affects Your Physical Wellbeing

By Melody Wright, LMFT

Trauma is a multifaceted experience that extends far beyond emotional pain. It possesses the unique ability to not only infiltrate the mind but also the very fabric of our physical well-being. The connection between trauma and physical health is a subject that calls for exploration because when you can understand this link it can pave the way for deep healing. 

The Invisible Impact

The mind-body connection is made up of biological, psychological, and social factors. Whether your trauma comes from childhood adversity, a distressing event, or prolonged exposure it can have a significant impact on your physical body. When you experience trauma, your body will respond with a heightened state of alertness which can trigger stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline within the body. Initial responses to experiencing something traumatic could be exhaustion, anxiety, confusion, and even disassociation. Of course, these responses are essential for survival, however, chronic or extending amounts of exposure can wreak havoc on your body. We have two places that take hits when exposed to stress, our hypothalamic pituitary adrenal axis or HPA, and the autonomic nervous system. The regulation of these systems is known as the “allostatic load”(McFarlane, 2010). This means if you experience prolonged heightened cortisol levels, they can become toxic to your body which can lead to a contagion of different health issues. 

There are links between those who have experienced trauma and those who have disorders of the HPA which can manifest as things like fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, and irritable bowel syndrome. However, no person is the same, and just because you’ve experienced something traumatic does it mean that it will manifest long-term in the body. 

Healing After Trauma

Awareness of what is occurring within your body and how it might be linked to the trauma you’ve experienced can support the steps you need to take on your healing journey. However, healing from trauma can be intimidating. Here are a few things you can do to begin your journey. 

1. Connect with a Therapist - There are many different therapeutic interventions that you can access through seeing a professional. Engaging in therapies like Somatic Therapy or EDMR can support creating a safe space to revisit, reframe, and release the trauma you’ve been carrying.

2. Try Mindfulness Practices: When engaging in mindfulness, you begin to train your mind to become aware of your mind, body, and spirit. These practices can be journaling, meditation, and yoga. Mindfulness can offer moments of respite, fostering awareness of the present, and promoting relaxation which can support reducing cortisol levels within the body.

3. Prioritize Self-Care: Self-care is essential when you’re recovering and healing and it can look different for everyone. When you provide compassion and kindness for yourself you are engaging in self-care. This could be resisting affirmations over yourself, allowing yourself to rest and read a good book, or even having coffee with a close friend.

4. Nourish Your Mind and Body: Supporting your body with physical activity and nutrient-dense food encourages your immune system to heal and function at its fullest potential as well as increase levels of the “feel good” hormones - dopamine, and serotonin. When you are healing from trauma, having a supported immune system will benefit your overall healing in the long run. 

Final Thoughts

Trauma and the impact it has on you is based on the severity and the perception of the event/events that occur. Your journey toward healing should be paved with patience and compassion because everyone’s story looks different, which means that the way you heal is completely unique to you.

If you find that you are dealing with physical manifestations of your trauma, or physical symptoms in general, we recommend connecting with a Somatic, Holistic, and Trauma-Informed therapist to guide you through the steps and support you in navigating the depths of your experience. In the unraveling of this mind-body connection, you will find threads of resilience, which leads to strength and renewal. 

Here at Life By Design Therapy, we have a team who specialize in Somatic and Holistic Therapies. If you are ready to find the resilience within, connect with us today by scheduling a phone consultation.

Affirmations for Trauma

1. As I release the weight of past traumas, my body responds with strength and vitality.

2. My body is resilient, and I am gradually releasing the tension and pain stored within it.

3. I acknowledge the impact of trauma on my physical body, and I am committed to fostering a compassionate connection between my mind and body.

4. I am actively working towards healing, and with each passing day, my body becomes a safer and more comfortable place to reside.

5. I choose to nurture my body with practices that promote healing and restoration.

ADDITIONAL Resources

1. The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk M.D

2. Trauma and Recovery by Judith L. Herman

3. Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma by Peter A. Levine

4. The Deepest Well: Healing the Long-Term Effects of Childhood Adversity" by Nadine Burke Harris

5. What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing By Oprah Winfrey

6. It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle by Mark Wolynn

7. When the Body Says No: Exploring the Stress-Disease Connection by Gabor Maté M.D.

8. What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma by  Stephanie Foo 

9. No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model by Richard Schwartz Ph.D. 

10. Don't Believe Everything You Think: Why Your Thinking Is The Beginning & End Of Suffering (Beyond Suffering) by Joseph Nguyen

The Body-Mind Connection: A Guide to Somatic Therapy and Its Techniques

By Melody Wright, LMFT

When I step into a session I pay close attention to my client’s breathing, tone and speed of voice and overall energy. There’s no agenda or predetermined plan; instead, I remain completely present, engaged, and attuned with them. I rely on my own nervous system to pick up on cues from my clients and use that information to support and guide them through the ebbs and flows of the session. Many times, we remain oblivious to the messages our bodies are attempting to convey. As a somatic therapist, my role is to guide individuals in developing awareness of these signals and assist them in deciphering the meaningful communication embedded within their physical experiences. You see, in today's world, it's not uncommon for many of us to feel overwhelmed, stressed, or disconnected from ourselves. We may find ourselves trapped in the whirlwind of our thoughts, often neglecting the connection between our bodies and minds. This is the beauty of Somatic Therapy.

Somatic therapy recognizes the intricate connection between the body and the mind, understanding that our physical experiences and emotional states are intertwined. In this blog, we will discuss the world of somatic therapy, unraveling its principles, modalities, and benefits. Whether you are a seeker of self-discovery or someone who desires to enhance their overall well-being, this blog will provide you with valuable insights into the transformative potential of Somatic Therapy.

What Are The Benefits of Somatic Therapy

With Somatic Therapy being a holistic approach to psychotherapy its principles focus on the understanding that emotional and psychological issues can be manifested and stored in the body. With that understanding, it can address the body's experiences and sensations which can lead to healing and transformation. Here are some of the principles that guide somatic therapy: 

1. Body-Mind Connection: As already mentioned, Somatic therapy emphasizes the importance of connecting fully with one's body. It encourages individuals to become aware of bodily sensations, emotions, and patterns of movement to gain a deeper understanding of their present experiences.
   

2. Mindfulness and Presence: Somatic Therapy brings awareness by promoting the practice of mindfulness. As people begin to practice mindfulness it leads them to deeper self-awareness and allows them to develop a greater capacity to respond to life's challenges with more self-love and self-acceptance.
   

3. Integration of the Mind and Body for Transformation: Somatic Therapy teaches you how to honor and understand your body. When you are able to listen to its signals and tend to the places in need you honor yourself as a whole. Integrating the tools given to you by your therapist will promote transformation, resilience, and overall healing. 

 How is Somatic Therapy Different from Talk Therapy?

Now that we’ve talked about what Somatic Therapy is and touched on some of its basic principles, let’s discuss the tools used to achieve these goals. The techniques used in Somatic Therapy are like the tools in your tool kit. One tool may work for one thing, but not for the other, like a hammer to drive a nail versus a screwdriver.  When you start therapy, your therapist will begin to provide you with these tools for healing. So what are some Somatic Therapy tools? 

1. Nervous System Regulation - By focusing on levels of activation your therapist can support you with grounding in the moment and regulating your nervous system. Conscious breathing, visualization, and touch exercises can help release tension and provide grounding. This is especially supportive to those who experience anxiety. This allows you to process emotions on a deeper level by providing a deeper awareness of what you’re experiencing in your body.
    

2. Allowing The Body To Move As It Pleases: Incorporating authentic movement helps give the body a voice by allowing the individual to release pent-up energy, frustration, and stress. With eyes closed to reduce distraction and encourage body awareness, the individual can then act out their internal emotions that they may not have words for at the moment. The movement supports releasing the “feel good” hormones like oxytocin to combat depression and trauma-related issues.
   

3. Mindfulness Practices: Mindfulness practices, such as meditation, are a common technique used in Somatic Therapy. These practices invite curiosity and acceptance. Mindfulness is a time to be led by your subconscious mind, thus connecting with authenticity and the present moment in a gentle, loving way. Mindfulness is also a way to connect with your inner resources and strength, explore past experiences, and literally create new neural pathways in your brain. When you meditate or imagine a positive situation, your brain cannot distinguish what is real versus what actually happened which creates a new positive neural pathway in your brain leading to healing in the mind and body.
   

4. Body Scanning - Self-awareness is a key piece to Somatic Therapy. Knowing what your body is saying is essential to developing that self-awareness. Body Scanning has been proven to be a very successful mindfulness technique to increase your body awareness. It supports this by giving you clues into how you are feeling or what you might be needing.

Final Thoughts

As we mentioned above, Somatic Therapy can play an intricate part in your healing journey and self-development. Many times people will visit their therapist to talk about their issues, and yes this can be supportive for a while, however, the body holds wisdom for your healing as well. The body's memory of trauma can have lasting physical effects such as chronic pain, sleep disorders or consistently living in fight or flight mode. Here at Life By Design Therapy, we have a team who is skilled and passionate about utilizing Somatic and Holistic Therapy tools to support you in a safe and non-judgmental space. If you are interested in learning more about what each therapist offers, visit our website at www.lifebydesigntherapy.com or if you are ready to get started CLICK HERE to schedule your free phone consultation with our Client Care Coordinator.

Additional Resources

If you would like to learn more about Somatic Therapy, below are a few recommended resources.

.

1. Somatic Psychotherapy Toolbox: 125 Worksheets and Exercises to Treat Trauma & Stress by Manuela Mischke-Reeds

2. In an Unspoken Voice: How the Body Releases Trauma and Restores Goodness by Peter A. Levine

3. Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma" by Peter A. Levine

4. The Healing Power of the Breath: Simple Techniques to Reduce Stress and Anxiety, Enhance Concentration, and Balance Your Emotions" by Richard P. Brown and Patricia L. Gerbarg

5. "The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma" by Bessel van der Kolk

6.  Sensorimotor Psychotherapy: Interventions for Trauma and Attachment" by Pat Ogden and Janina Fisher

7. Grace Unfolding: Psychotherapy in the Spirit of Tao-te ching by Greg Johanson and Ronald S. Kurtz

8. The Tao of Trauma: A Practitioner's Guide for Integrating Five Element Theory and Trauma Treatment by Alaine D. Duncan, Kathy L. Kain and Michael Hollifield

**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read the full disclosure here.

Create a New Legacy - Overcoming and Breaking the Cycle of Familial Trauma

By Melody Wright, LMFT

I have encountered a lot of things in my time as a therapist, however, one of the common deep-rooted issues people come to me with stems from the way they grew up. Everyone has a different upbringing but there is often a deep seeded trauma that is recognized throughout our sessions that point to a cyclic pattern within the family system. It ranges from addiction, the way they were parented and punishment styles growing up, and even the way their parents would relate to them. These patterns have shaped the way my clients engage in relationships, and perceive themselves and their worth and even their world views. All of these things can be categorized under the umbrella of Familial Trauma. 

What is Familial Trauma? 

Familial trauma is the consequence of living with traumatic events and memories that were unintentionally passed on from generation to generation. Because it’s such a deeply ingrained experience within the family it can have lasting impacts on individuals into adulthood. Familial trauma can manifest itself in many ways such as disassociation, estrangement, and even addiction. For example, if you had a parent that couldn’t self-regulate, you may also suffer from the inability to regulate your nervous system even in minor situations. You might also develop the habit of putting everyone else's needs before your own. This is due to having to suppress your own emotions to accommodate your family members. In situations like this, it can lead to depression, anxiety, and overwhelm. The cycle of trauma is present because typically your family members were raised by parents who could also not regulate their nervous systems, as well. This is only one example of familial trauma, however, many other situations can cause challenges to overcome as you grow. 

How Do We Break the Cycle?

1. Become Aware of Your Own Patterns - Many people who have experienced familial trauma have a tendency to minimize or even deny the effects of what they’ve experienced especially if it’s something that commonly occurs in their family dynamic. It is important to become aware of any hurt or pain that you’ve endured as well as recognize if you have picked up any of the cyclic behaviors yourself. “Awareness is like the sun, when it shines, things are transformed” - Thich Nhat Hanh
   

2. Allow The Relationships to Change - this part can be complex and challenging. By recognizing and implementing the importance of breaking the cycles and healing your trauma, your family might push back. Finding space within yourself to settle with the fact that your relationships will look different will make the healing journey just a little bit easier.
   

3. Take Care of You - When working through trauma, one of the best things you can do for yourself is care for your own needs. Especially when working through familial trauma, some people may find it challenging to care for themselves. This can look like starting a new routine, finding a new hobby that makes you happy, and setting boundaries.
   

4. Find Forgiveness - Forgiveness is another aspect of the healing process. Forgiveness is not about condoning or forgetting the past but rather about letting go of anger and resentment towards those who have hurt us. Forgiveness can be a difficult leap to make, but it is a crucial step in the healing process because it allows us to move forward with a greater sense of inner peace and freedom.
   

5. Reach Out - As we discussed, familial trauma is something that can be so ingrained within us, we need people in our corner who are going to actively listen, support and encourage us to continue to press forward rather than return to our familiar ways. Not only are friends a great support, but having a therapist can also be beneficial to your journey. A therapist will carry modalities to support your individual needs, and provide an unbiased space for you to work through the things you need to. 

Creating a new legacy is the goal of the healing process. Breaking the cycle of trauma by learning healthy coping mechanisms, practicing self-compassion, and taking steps toward creating a positive future will benefit future generations. We understand that breaking cycles is a complex and highly unique voyage. 

Here at Life By Design Therapy, we have trauma-informed and culturally competent staff to support you as you walk through your healing journey. If you are ready to start healing CLICK HERE to schedule your free phone consultation with one of our staff members. 

Additional Resources

If you would like to learn more about different forms of trauma and how to heal, below are a few books to expand your knowledge.

1. Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A Guide and Map for Recovering from Childhood Trauma by Pete Walker

2. My Grandmother's Hands: Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending Our Hearts and Bodies by Resmaa Menakem

3. “Silent Sons: A Book for and About Men" by Robert Ackerman

4. “The Emotionally Absent Mother: How to Recognize and Heal the Invisible Effects of Childhood Emotional Neglect” by Jasmin Lee Cori

5. "It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle" by Mark Wolynn

6. "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents" by Lindsay C. Gibson

7. The Color of Law: A Forgotten History of How Our Government Segregated America by Richard Rothstein

8. Freedom Is a Constant Struggle: Ferguson, Palestine, and the Foundations of a Movement by Angela Y. Davis 

**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read the full disclosure here.

Healing From Relational Trauma: Strategies for Recovery and Growth

By Melody Wright, LMFT

Have you ever felt like your past experiences have left you with emotional scars that you just can't seem to shake off? Do you find it difficult to trust others or form healthy relationships because of past trauma? Relational trauma could be the culprit. Relational trauma can have a profound impact on a person's ability to connect with others and can lead to many things, such as anxiety, depression, and even physical health problems. In this blog, we'll explore what relational trauma is, and what can be done to heal from it.

What is Relational Trauma? 

Relational trauma is a term used to shed light on the impact of traumatic experiences within relationships. Relational trauma can stem anywhere from a childhood of abuse or abandonment, or negative interactions as an adult with coworkers, and friends. 

Healing from relational trauma is a complex process that requires time, patience, and support. For some, it can be a deeply painful and difficult experience to navigate. However, it's important to remember that you are not alone in your struggle and that healing is possible. With the right strategies for recovery and growth, you can begin to find a sense of peace and resilience in the face of this trauma. 

Strategies for Trauma Recovery and Growth

1. Acknowledge the Impact of Trauma - The first step in healing from relational trauma is acknowledging its impact on your life. This means becoming aware of the ways these experiences have affected your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. It may involve acknowledging difficult emotions such as shame, guilt, anger, and sadness. During your acknowledgment journey remember the trauma you’ve experienced is not your fault and that healing is possible.

2. Practice Self-Care - Whatever self-care looks like for you, it is an essential piece to the puzzle of your healing journey. This may include exercise, eating a balanced diet, prioritizing sleep, practicing relaxation techniques such as meditation or yoga, and engaging in activities that bring you joy and pleasure. However, self-care can also look like setting boundaries and saying no to activities or relationships that do not serve your well-being.

3. Cultivate Resilience - Resilience is the ability to weather difficulties and recover quickly. It involves developing skills such as problem-solving, stress management, and emotional regulation. Relational trauma can also involve nurturing the positive relationships you have and engaging in activities that promote a sense of purpose and meaning. 

4. Process Traumatic Memories - Trauma memories can be overwhelming and have the ability to resurface unexpectedly. It can be beneficial to seek support from a therapist or trauma specialist to process these memories and make sense of them. When seeking out a therapist look for those that utilize techniques such as Somatic Therapy, Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, or additional trauma training. By processing the traumatic memories it can help reduce the intensity of emotions and help you move forward to live your life with a sense of worth and security. 

Final Thoughts

Healing from relational trauma is a unique process for every individual and requires time, patience, and support. It is possible to recover from trauma and grow into a happier, healthier, and more fulfilled person. Remember, healing is possible, and you are not alone. 

Here at Life By Design Therapy, we have a trauma-informed staff that utilizes modalities such as CBT, Holistic and Somatic Therapy techniques to support you on your journey. If you are interested in getting started, CLICK HERE to schedule a free phone consultation with a therapist of your choice. 

Additional Resources

If you would like to learn more about different forms of trauma and how to heal, below are a few books to expand your knowledge.

1. Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A Guide and Map for Recovering from Childhood Trauma by Pete Walker

2. My Grandmother's Hands: Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending Our Hearts and Bodies by Resmaa Menakem

3. “Silent Sons: A Book for and About Men" by Robert Ackerman

4. “The Emotionally Absent Mother: How to Recognize and Heal the Invisible Effects of Childhood Emotional Neglect” by Jasmin Lee Cori

5. "It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle" by Mark Wolynn

6. "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents" by Lindsay C. Gibson

7. The Color of Law: A Forgotten History of How Our Government Segregated America by Richard Rothstein

8. Freedom Is a Constant Struggle: Ferguson, Palestine, and the Foundations of a Movement by Angela Y. Davis 

**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read the full disclosure here.

Is This Anxiety or Trauma? Anxious Behaviors vs. Trauma Responses

By Melody Wright, LMFT

When talking about mental health with others, you might notice that some of the signs and symptoms of Anxiety and Trauma may sound very familiar despite stemming from different events or diagnoses. For individuals wanting to learn more about their own mental health, or experiencing symptoms that may be related to anxiety or trauma, it can be very helpful to understand where their current symptoms stem from. This can help us seek and identify resources that will help us address our symptoms, as well as learn new ways to regulate ourselves when we feel overwhelmed or on edge. 

What is Trauma?

The American Psychological Association defines trauma as an “emotional response to a terrible event” such as abuse, community violence, or experiencing significant injury or loss. The symptoms we exhibit after experiencing trauma are directly related to events that happened in our past that did not make us feel safe or put us directly in the middle of unsafe situations. Some of the symptoms that people exhibit after experiencing trauma can include fatigue, feeling sad, and hopeless, experiencing mood swings, and withdrawing from others. Some symptoms can be more severe and can have long-term impacts on an individual, including experiencing consistent flashbacks to a traumatic event, developing panic attacks, sleep problems, or anxiety (also known as Generalized Anxiety Disorder). 

What is Anxiety?

Anxiety can be described as consistent and intense worrying over everyday situations, usually situations that have not yet happened yet. Anxiety sends a message to our brain that we need to do more to prepare for a possible, or upcoming, future event. Some of the physical symptoms that someone can experience when feeling anxious include a fast heart rate, sweating, and rapid breathing. While the causes of anxiety can vary, many people experience anxiety as a result of going through traumatic childhoods or events. 

What Do Anxious Behaviors Look Like?

While anxious behaviors can serve a purpose when they function as part of our body’s defense mechanisms (fight, flight, freeze, etc.), they can create an issue when they occur consistently and at the wrong times. Anxious behaviors can include the following:

• Ongoing feelings of nervousness, restlessness, or feeling “on-edge”

• Feeling irritable

• Experiencing headaches, stomach pains, or other unexplained pains

• Difficulty concentrating or falling/staying asleep

What Do Trauma Responses Look Like?

Traumatic responses are your body’s reaction to trauma. They can include the following:

• Inability to focus or make decisions

• The need to feel guarded or alert at all times

• Flashbacks or constant thoughts of a previous traumatic event

• Being easily startled in settings or situations that do not require you to be on high alert

As you can see from the descriptions and symptoms above, traumatic responses and anxious behaviors can feel similar in the body. The difference between a trauma response and an anxious behavior is where the symptoms are stemming from. Are the symptoms stemming from past events that your body identified as traumatic? Or are they stemming from concerns about future events or events that have not yet taken place (anxiety)? It is also important to know that trauma and anxiety may be connected for some individuals; One can develop anxious behaviors after experiencing traumatic events. 

What Can I Do?

Whether you experience anxious behaviors or trauma responses, it can feel overwhelming to see the impact they can create in our bodies. Know that you are not alone in feeling this way; 1 in 5 people experience anxiety in their lifetime, and 50-60% of people experience at least 1 traumatic event in their lives. Steps toward healing the body can be taken by learning how to regulate ourselves when we start to feel nervous, anxious, fearful, or on edge.

If you find yourself needing support to learn new skills to help you regulate, help address past trauma, or you’re interested in learning more strategies to combat your anxious thoughts, we encourage you to book a phone consultation today at Life by Design. Life by Design offers therapeutic services with qualified professionals that can give you the tools you need to help address your traumatic responses and anxious behaviors. Book a phone consultation here today for more information and to get you connected to additional support. 

Trauma and Gender: Do Men and Women React Differently to Trauma?

By Melody Wright, LMFT

When looking at the effects of trauma on individuals, it’s important to recognize that things like gender, culture, and life experiences can influence the way we react to traumatic events. While we may not be able to change some of these attributes, such as the culture we were born into, we can learn and obtain a better understanding of how they influence our reactions to trauma so we can address those reactions accordingly. 

What is Trauma

According to the American Psychological Association, trauma is “an emotional response to a terrible event” like an accident, an act of violence, or a natural disaster. People can experience both emotional and physical responses to these traumatic events in the long term.

How Does Gender Influence Trauma

Our cultures and communities tend to assign specific roles to genders; These gender roles can influence how we react to different circumstances and events, including traumatic ones. In cultures that stress traditional gender roles, where men are expected to display a stoic demeanor and women are expected to be the more vulnerable sex, traumatic responses can be heavily influenced by gender roles. 

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD, is a disorder where a person has a difficult time processing and recovering from witnessing or experiencing a traumatic event. Studies have found that in cultures with traditional gender roles, there is a higher prevalence of women being diagnosed with PTSD. This can be attributed to women being able to feel more emotionally vulnerable in these cultures. 

Gender can also impact if and when individuals will access support to process their traumatic experiences. If the expectation is for a male to remain “strong” and not be impacted by stress, they may not immediately seek support. This can affect the impact that the event can have on their mental and emotional health in the long run.  

What Other Factors Influence Trauma

There are various factors that can influence how an individual reacts to trauma. Some of these factors include:

• How intense the traumatic event was

• Your family history and previous traumatic events

• The presence of a support system, or lack of

• Your current or ongoing stress levels 

• Alcohol or drug use

Coping Strategies

In the event that an individual experiences something traumatic, it is important to have the tools necessary to help process that event. This includes knowledge of coping strategies. Coping strategies to help process traumatic events include:

• Practicing deep breathing, meditation, and mindfulness 

• Finding or developing a new hobby or activity that gets your endorphins flowing

• Establishing and reaching out to your support system 

• Finding a support group where others may have experienced similar trauma

Traumatic events come in all shapes and sizes, and the information and coping strategies that may help one person may not be very helpful for another. If you find yourself needing support or additional coping strategies, we encourage you to book a phone consultation today at Life by Design. Life by Design offers therapeutic services with qualified professionals that can give you the tools you need to help address your mental health. Consider booking a consultation here today.

My Present is Being Affected by My Past: How to Cope When Current Events Bring Up Past Trauma

By Melody Wright, LMFT

As we do our morning scroll through our news and social media apps, there is a substantial amount of events that we are constantly being exposed to. Whether these events are on an international level, such as war or tension between nations, a national level, such as politically charged or party-driven bills that are controversial in nature, or at a local level, such as riots as a result of police brutality, all of these events can trigger negative feelings or reactions. This is especially true if your past involves a traumatic event that is similar in nature to that of current events. 

While the media may be responsible for sharing and keeping us updated on current events, we have the responsibility to process the information that is delivered to us. Sometimes, this means that we need to process any negative feelings that may have been brought up in the course of receiving updates on current events. For an individual who has been targeted by law enforcement as a result of their race, watching a news segment on police brutality can be an extremely stressful experience that can trigger their past trauma. If you’re finding yourself struggling with current events triggering past trauma, below are some coping skills you can practice:

• Practice Mindfulness: Using mindfulness practices when you are feeling a rise in your stress or anxiety levels can be a great way to interrupt your negative thoughts and bring you back to the present. Breathing techniques or guided imagery are great options that can be easily used no matter where you are. 

• Set News or Social Media Boundaries: If you’re finding yourself feeling overwhelmed after scrolling through news and social media apps every morning, you may want to set boundaries around how you are using your time. Reducing your social media usage, changing the time of day in which you scroll through apps, or removing certain apps can help you limit the impact that these apps have on your overall mood. 

• Attend a Workshop or Support Group: There is great value in finding a community of people who share similar concerns, backgrounds, or experiences to you and are dedicated to providing support. Participating in a workshop or Support Group that focuses on the reason for your past trauma or current experiences can help you learn of what others with similar backgrounds are doing to process their trauma. 

• Consider Professional Help: If you’ve implemented any of the strategies above, or other strategies you’ve learned in the past, and are still having a hard time coping with current events, it may be time to consider professional help. 

Feeling constantly triggered by current events can leave us in a state of high stress and emotional fatigue. While we always encourage that you integrate self-care practices to help provide a sense of peace and balance, we acknowledge that it may not be enough. If you’ve considered talking to a therapist to help you process your current emotional state, now may be a good time to connect with someone at Life By Design. Click here for more information on scheduling a consultation. 

How Somatic Therapy Can Help Psychological Trauma

by Melody Wright, LMFT

When we've experienced something traumatic, we may not be consciously aware of the ways in which the trauma affects our everyday life. However, our bodies remember what has happened to us, and they store those memories as uncomfortable (sometimes painful) somatic sensations.

If you have survived trauma, you may find that you hold a lot of tension in your muscles or that you feel disconnected from your body. This can occur when our bodies are reminded of the trauma, even if our minds aren't aware of it.

Somatic therapy is a type of psychotherapy that asks us to listen to -- and learn from -- our bodily sensations. By strengthening the relationship between mind and body, we can heal from the effects of trauma, both physically and emotionally. Here is how it works.

How Our Bodies Remember Trauma

Unexplained physical ailments, like headaches or muscle tension, are common in trauma survivors. While they may be related to your traumatic past, they are not "all in your head." Instead, they stem from anxious energy that was not released during the traumatic event, when the fight-or-flight response was triggered.

Traumatic events can activate the sympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for symptoms like a racing heartbeat and clammy palms when we are anxious, scared, or stressed. The fight-or-flight response is designed to help us flee from or fight back against potential dangers. However, in a traumatic event, it is not always possible to do either of these things.

Whether you were physically restrained or paralyzed by anxiety, you may not have been able to discharge the adrenaline from your body's fight-or-flight response in the moment. As a result, the energy from the fight-or-flight response is stored in the body, leading to tension, pain, and other unpleasant symptoms.

How Somatic Therapy Works

Somatic therapy is a type of psychotherapy that utilizes the mind-body connection. Pioneers of somatic therapy, such as Peter Levine and Pat Ogden, believe that the key to healing from trauma is discharging this anxious energy from the body. This means finding other ways to process and release the body's stored emotions after the traumatic event. 

There are many techniques a somatic therapist can use to help you accomplish this goal. First, they will use interventions designed to help you develop greater awareness of your unique body and the ways in which it stores traumatic memories. Then, they will guide you through the process of expressing these stored emotions so you can move on.

Every somatic therapist works a bit differently. It's important to get to know your therapist so you can find the right fit for your individual needs. However, many somatic techniques are practiced by a wide variety of therapists. Understanding common somatic therapy techniques can help you get an idea of what to expect.

Common Somatic Therapy Techniques

Grounding

How often do you feel truly connected to your body? Trauma survivors may especially struggle to stay rooted in the present moment and notice uncomfortable thoughts or sensations. Grounding consists of exercises designed to bring us back into our bodies and mindfully take note of our sensations and surroundings. These exercises often rely on our five senses to absorb information from our environment. 

Movement

Movement is a form of medicine for the body. Mindfully moving your body can help you cope with challenging experiences and discharge anxious energy. It can also give you a sense of accomplishment and help you feel more connected to your body. Additionally, movement is one of the body's primary methods of communication. We can pay attention to our natural movements -- such as body language -- to learn more about ourselves, our emotions, and our beliefs. 

Setting Boundaries

Boundaries are limits we set to define the type of treatment we are willing to accept from others. Traumatic experiences inherently involve a violation of our personal boundaries. Setting mindful boundaries empowers you to take back control of your mind and body. Boundary-setting may be challenging for trauma survivors, who are often disconnected from the way their bodies feel about certain behaviors or experiences. By paying attention to the way our body feels in these moments, we can identify healthy boundaries that would improve our lives.

Want to learn more? Sign up for our free e-book, The Mind-Body Toolkit: A Beginner’s Guide to Connecting With Your Body. We provide 50 grounding exercises you can try when feeling anxious or overwhelmed and some of our favorite somatic tools and resources. This is a great way to learn more about the mind-body connection, especially if therapy is new to you. To get started, click here.

Is Trauma Exposure Transforming You? How to Know and What to Do About It

by Ashley Gregory, LMFT

What is Vicarious Trauma?

The term “vicarious traumatization” arose in the mid-1990’s when Laurie Anne Pearlman and Paula S. Mac Ian studied the effects of working with traumatized clients on therapists. They defined it as “a transformation in the helper’s inner experience, as a result of empathetic engagement with traumatized clients and their traumatic experiences, coupled with a commitment or responsibility to help.” Since then, conversations and awareness around “secondary” or “vicarious” trauma have increased and expanded. The sheer number of blogs, Instagram posts and YouTube videos about self-care and mental health has injected these terms into more spaces than before.Yet, at the same time, deeply held beliefs, values and cultural practices maintain the very structures that keep people guessing about whether they are qualified to deserve the care they need as caregivers themselves. I would argue that this is especially true for those of us in the “caring professions'' or folks doing “care work.” In fact, minimizing one’s own experience, as a person exposed to the trauma of others, is itself a trauma exposure response.

My Own Vicarious Trauma Journey 

As a twenty-something youth worker, I had no idea how to identify trauma symptoms. Furthermore, I did not understand how the trauma I was exposed everyday to would impact me and the work I did. The organization I worked for essentially hired me to make sure a dozen or more middle schoolers would do their homework right after a long day at school. The school was in the Fruitvale District of Oakland. I had not grown up in Oakland--in fact, I had recently moved there, pretty much straight out of college. Many of my colleagues at the time were also young white people who did not reflect the makeup of the community in which we were working--predominantly Black, Latinx and Asian American and Pacific Islander. Schools like the one where I worked were essentially training grounds for young, predominately white professionals to get their hours and leave to pursue their careers elsewhere. Racist and classist demands on time and money present significant barriers to people of color who want to become teachers. Racist and classist tax laws keep schools woefully underfunded, which means mental health care staff and programs designed to support young people’s emotional well-being are rarely prioritized. With so much going in their lives and so much of their lives spent at school, the trauma exposure these youth experienced played out in the cafeteria, the hallways and their classes. My after-school classroom was no exception. While I loved working with young people, I also became angry, hopeless and guilty. At some point, the school social worker mentioned “vicarious trauma.” Suddenly my experience had a name and I was floored. Over time, it was learning the complex and personalized symptoms of vicarious trauma that helped me develop the tools, practices and rituals I needed to achieve balance and ease.

Trauma Stewardship and the Warning Signs of Trauma Exposure Response

Part of my own journey has been aligned with the practice of “trauma stewardship,” the term Laura van Dernoot Lipky coined as she navigated her own experiences of trauma exposure. In her book Trauma Stewardship: An Everyday Guide to Caring for Self While Caring for Others, van Dernoot Lipky interviews people in a wide range of professions and from diverse backgrounds about their personal journeys and trauma stewardship wisdom. She adds to the literature of vicarious trauma and explores the warning signs of a trauma exposure response. While some of the warning signs of trauma exposure response may be more obvious behaviors, such as developing an addiction, others are not as clear. For example, one of the warning signs of trauma exposure response is a sense of persecution, an “internal state,” van Dernoot Lipky shares, when “We become convinced that others are responsible for our well-being and that we lack the personal agency to transform our circumstances” (p. 93). These internal shifts can be confusing  and complicated to name without support. 

While everyone metabolises trauma exposure different, there are commonly experienced symptoms, some of which include:

• Exhaustion on every level--mental, physical and emotional

• Intrusive thoughts of disturbing images you’ve heard about or seen at work

• Nightmares

• Hypervigilance

• Grandiosity

• A sense that you can never do enough

Getting Help

Working with a therapist who has awareness of and experience with vicarious trauma can help you identify how trauma exposure responses show up in your life. Awareness is the first step towards making lasting change. With the support of a therapist, you can create new ways to relate to yourself and others with renewed compassion. 

Pearlman, L.A., & Mac Ian, P. S. (1995). Vicarious traumatization: An empirical study of the effects of trauma work on trauma therapists. Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, 26(6), 558.

Creative Easy Ways for You to Resolve Trauma

by Melody Wright, LMFT

There are many layers and nuances involved in healing trauma.  It’s important to remember to be kind and compassionate towards yourself AND your process.  Healing from trauma can be slow as you work through a multitude of feelings. The feelings you may experience are anxiety, fear, shame, deep hurt, distrust, avoidance, disappointment, disbelief and more.  With time you can build more internal and external resources for healing, understanding, and acceptance.  

Healing from Trauma

In most peoples’ lives, trauma occurs. Having experienced trauma, one needs to solve it in a way that works best for each individual. Trauma can be a death of someone close to you, abuse, surviving an illness, seeing a disturbing event, and the impacts of divorce and custody issues to name a few. No two people are alike, and everyone responds to those traumas differently, so the ways to solve and overcome them need to reflect that.  

Talking with a close friend or counselor is a wonderful way to begin; however, if you are not ready to discuss your feelings with anyone, there are other ways.  

Art

Art encompasses many variables of expression and paves the ways such as writing, sculpting, collaging, singing, or playing music.  It is essential to find a place where you can relax, which induces positive feelings and thoughts. For example, a favorite park, a special room just for you at home, near a beach, hiking in a forest.  Wherever that place is, allow yourself to relax and be free of inhibiting thoughts while you use creativity.  

If you are not experienced in painting or sculpting, try drawing and sketching first.  Find a book on sketching or join a class to learn more. If you feel stumped, take a journal and a pen to write your feelings, goals, or challenges. If you love music, enjoy your favorite songs while you brainstorm. 

Finding what works for you may take time, however, there are many possibilities to start your journey. 

• Journal

• Write a short story;

• Write a letter to a friend;

• Sketch;

• Paint a scene or image from your mind;

• Poetry writing;

• Writing or playing music;

• Redecorate a space in your home;

• Try a new look with your hair or clothes;

• Volunteer to help in your community.

Connect with Furry Friends

Nothing beats furry friends.  Our pets love us unconditionally and often notice things that people don’t.  If you do not have a pet, consider what your housing is like, the size and if you have a yard for a larger outdoor pet.  Once you decide which pet is right for you, consider joining a training class. If you are already a pet owner, start a new hobby such as walking, jogging or a training class for you and your pet.

Physical Activity

Physical activity helps in resolving symptoms of trauma, such as anxiety and depression.  If you enjoy outdoor activities such as jogging or hiking, this is a fantastic way to focus your energy.  If you are not a jogger or a runner, then walk in a park or your neighborhood. The key is to get outside, take a break from technology and television.  This is also a good time to focus on your breathing and connect with your body.

Talk with Someone

When you feel up to talking, it is always a great idea to connect with someone who can help you.  Find a trusted friend or family member to confide in. This person should be supportive and not judgmental in what you are experiencing.  If you do not have anyone close to you, reach out to a therapist. A therapist can help you work through your trauma and assist you in discovering creative ways to work through unresolved trauma. 

Positive Change is Possible

Our therapists understand that when you experience trauma your sense of safety in the world, your body, and your trust in relationships can be disrupted. Learning how to cultivate a sense of safety is an important step to healing trauma. Our somatic therapists work with clients in discovering new ways to be in the world after the disruptions of traumatic experiences by going directly to the source--the body. Realizing what is happening in your body is the foundation of the work. When you bring awareness to the sensations in your body, rather than feeling overwhelmed by them, you can have more control over your responses, which is essential for healing.

Therapy Reflections

1. Do you have any unresolved traumas or past hurts that still need healing?

2. What can you do today to start your healing process?

3. What does healing mean to you and how do you know when you are healed?