Is It Time for Therapy? 10 Signs You Shouldn't Ignore

By Melody Wright, LMFT

In the world we live in, it's easy to let mental health take a backseat to daily responsibilities. The demands of work, family, and social commitments can leave little room for self-care, and many people are struggling to prioritize their mental well-being.

However, just as we regularly check in on our physical health, it’s equally important to pay attention to where we’re at mentally too. Therapy can be a powerful tool for maintaining mental health, offering a safe space to explore emotions, develop coping strategies, and encourage personal growth. Recognizing when it’s time to seek therapy is a crucial step towards a healthier, happier life.

10 Signs It’s Time to Start Therapy

Persistent Feelings of Sadness or Hopelessness: It's normal to feel sad from time to time, especially in response to life's challenges and losses. However, when feelings of sadness or hopelessness persist for weeks or months without a clear cause, it might be more than just a temporary phase. These persistent feelings can be indicators of depression. Depression can significantly impact your quality of life and therapy can help uncover underlying issues contributing to these emotions. Therapy can also provide strategies for managing the symptoms of depression effectively so you can begin living a more fulfilled life.

Excessive Worry or Anxiety: Worrying occasionally is a part of being human, but when worry becomes excessive and uncontrollable, it can be debilitating. Some anxiety disorders are characterized by chronic anxiety, excessive worry, and fear that interfere with daily activities. If you find yourself consistently on edge, experiencing panic attacks, or avoiding situations due to fear, it might be time to seek help. Therapy can offer valuable tools and techniques to manage anxiety effectively, such as relaxation techniques, and mindfulness practices. If you would like to learn more about Mindfulness practices and how they can help with anxiety, check out our e-book, The Mind-Body Toolkit.

Difficulty Managing Stress: Stress is an inevitable part of life, but it becomes problematic when it feels overwhelming and unmanageable. Chronic stress can take a toll on your mental and physical health, leading to symptoms like headaches, insomnia, and a weakened immune system. It can also affect your mood, causing irritability, depression, and anxiety. A therapist can help you develop healthy ways to handle stress, build resilience, and create a more balanced life.

Physical Symptoms Without a Clear Cause: Sometimes, mental health issues can manifest as physical symptoms. If you experience unexplained aches and pains, frequent headaches, or gastrointestinal problems without a medical diagnosis, it might be worth considering therapy. These physical symptoms can be a sign of underlying emotional distress. A therapist skilled in Somatic interventions can help you explore potential psychological factors contributing to your physical discomfort and develop strategies to address them. By treating the root cause, you may find relief from both the emotional and physical symptoms. If you're interested in learning more about Somatic therapy, you'll want to read our blog "A Guide to Somatic Therapy and It's Techniques".

Loss of Interest in Activities: When you no longer find joy in activities you once enjoyed, it can be a sign of depression or even burnout. This loss of interest can affect various aspects of your life, from hobbies to social interactions, and can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness. Therapy can help you explore these feelings and work towards rediscovering your passions.

Difficulty in Relationships: Relationships are fundamental to our well-being, but they can also be complex. If you find yourself struggling in your relationships with family, friends, or colleagues, therapy might be beneficial. Issues such as constant conflict, feelings of disconnection, or difficulty communicating can strain relationships and lead to significant stress. Therapy can help improve your interpersonal skills, support you with communication breakdowns, and cultivate healthier relationships. A therapist can provide a neutral space to discuss these issues and work towards resolving conflicts and building stronger connections. For more information on Couples Therapy, check out our blog on How Couples Therapy Can Strengthen Relationships.

Traumatic Experiences: Experiencing a traumatic event, whether recent or in the past, can have lasting effects on your mental health. Trauma can manifest in various ways, including flashbacks, nightmares, and a heightened state of alertness. But it can also manifest as responses to life and relational stressors. Therapists trained in trauma-informed interventions can offer specialized approaches to help you heal. By working through the trauma in a supportive environment, you can begin to regulate your nervous system and begin to thrive again. If you're looking for regulation tools, check out our Therapist Top Product page!

Substance Abuse: Using alcohol or drugs to cope with emotions or stress can be a sign of deeper issues. Substance abuse often masks underlying mental health problems, such as depression or anxiety, that need to be addressed. Therapy can help you understand and overcome addiction, offering healthier coping mechanisms and support for long-term recovery. A therapist can work with you to uncover the root causes of your substance use and develop a plan to address both the addiction and any underlying issues.

Feeling Overwhelmed by Responsibilities: When life's responsibilities become too much to handle and you feel constantly overwhelmed, it might be time to seek help. Balancing work, family, and personal commitments can be challenging, and it's easy to feel like you're drowning in obligations. This is a very common thing! A therapist can assist in prioritizing tasks, setting realistic goals, and finding balance in your life.

Lack of Self-Esteem: Low self-esteem and self-worth can affect every aspect of your life, from personal relationships to career success. If you struggle with negative self-talk and feelings of inadequacy, therapy can help build a more positive self-image and improve your confidence. A therapist can work with you to challenge negative beliefs, develop self-compassion, and create a healthier sense of self-worth. By improving your self-esteem, you can enhance your overall well-being and create a more fulfilling life.

Final Thoughts

We want to remind you that recognizing the need for therapy is a sign of strength, not weakness. It takes courage to acknowledge that you need help and to take steps towards improving your mental health. Our therapists here at Life By Design Therapy offer a supportive and non-judgmental space where you can explore your emotions, develop coping strategies, and work toward the personal growth you desire. 

If any of the signs mentioned resonate with you, consider reaching out to a therapist. You can CLICK HERE to schedule a free phone consultation with our coordinator today!

Affirmations 

1. Each step I take in therapy is a step towards a healthier and happier me.

2. I trust the process of therapy and the positive changes it will bring to my life.

3. I am strong enough to face my challenges and seek the help I need.

4. I embrace the opportunity to learn more about myself and my emotions.

5. I am capable of transforming my challenges into opportunities for growth.

Additional Resources

**If you’re interested in learning more about the benefits of therapy and self-growth check out these books below:

1. "Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life with the Heart of a Buddha" by Tara Brach

2. "Daring Greatly" by Brené Brown

3. “Stop Overthinking: 23 Techniques to Relieve Stress, Stop Negative Spirals, Declutter Your Mind, and Focus on the Present (The Path to Calm)” by Nick Trenton

4. “Atomic Habits” by James Clear

5.  “Don't Believe Everything You Think: Why Your Thinking Is The Beginning & End Of Suffering” by  Joseph Nguyen 

6. “On Becoming a Person: A Therapist’s View of Psychotherapy” by Carl R. Rogers

7. “Man's Search for Meaning” by Viktor E. Frankl

8. "Mind Over Mood: Change How You Feel by Changing the Way You Think" by Dennis Greenberger and Christine A. Padesky

9. "The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma" by Bessel van der Kolk

10. "The Gifts of Imperfection" by Brené Brown

**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read the full disclosure here.

What to Expect During Your First Therapy Session

By Melody Wright, LMFT

Picture this: You're sitting in the waiting room, nervously tapping your foot as you await your first therapy session. Thoughts race through your mind like a whirlwind—what will you say? Will you be judged? Can this stranger (I mean your therapist 😜) truly help you unravel what you've been carrying for so long?

If you've ever felt this mix of anticipation and apprehension, you're not alone. Stepping into therapy for the first time is brave and commendable, even so, it's also perfectly normal to feel uneasy about what lies ahead. But what exactly is therapy? Therapy is a space where you have the freedom to embrace every part of yourself. It is a safe space, a collaborative journey, where you can navigate and heal from emotional and psychological experiences to find greater peace, self-worth, and self-love.

When you find a therapist you’re comfortable with, they can support you as you navigate the things that are causing your system to get dysregulated by stress, overwhelm, and trauma. It might look like just talking with your therapist as they ask questions to bring more awareness to your situation or a body-based therapist may walk you through breathing exercises or mindfulness activities to help bring awareness to what your body might be communicating. There is no right way to do therapy. Your therapist is there to support you, guide you, and create a safe environment for you.

**If you would like to learn more about Mindfulness activities, check out our e-book, The Mind-Body Toolkit!

So what happens during your first therapy session? What should you expect? While every therapist is different, we’ll walk you through what you might experience.

Building Safety and Trust:
Insights from Our Therapists' First Sessions

At Life By Design Therapy, our primary goal is to create a sense of safety. Starting therapy often means working with a dysregulated nervous system, which can result from life events that have significantly impacted you. These disruptions can lead to anxiety, depression, boundary issues, and communication breakdowns, often stemming from trauma. When our minds and bodies encounter these disruptions, our nervous system can become dysregulated.

In your first session with a Life By Design therapist, you will be supported in creating a safe environment for yourself and your nervous system. In the initial part of the work, including your first session, our therapists will help you become aware of the signals your body might be sending, guiding you toward a more regulated state for your mind and body.

How to Get the Most Of Therapy

Entering therapy for the first time can be intimidating. You're opening yourself up to vulnerability and introspection, which can be both exhilarating and nerve-wracking. To help you make the most of your therapeutic journey, here are some dos and don'ts to keep in mind:

1. Ask Questions: Therapy is a collaborative process, and it's okay to seek clarification or express curiosity about the therapeutic approach being used, the goals of therapy, or any other aspect of the process that you're unsure about.
   

2. Have Realistic Expectations: Therapy isn't a quick fix, and progress often takes time. Be patient with yourself and the process. Celebrate small victories along the way, and trust that growth and change are happening, even if they're not immediately apparent. Remember healing is not a linear process.
   

3. Be Compassionate with Yourself: Therapy can stir up intense emotions, and it's important to be gentle with yourself. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend going through a challenging time.
   

4. Commit to the Process: Consistency is key in therapy. Attend your sessions regularly and engage wholeheartedly in the process. Remember, real change often happens outside of the therapy room as you apply insights and strategies to your daily life.
   

5. Don’t Expect Instant Solutions Or Advice: Therapy is about finding answers within. It isn’t like coaching where they give you all the answers. Trust in the process and give yourself the time and space to grow.
   

6. Honor Your Journey: Each person's therapeutic journey is unique, and progress looks different for everyone. Do your best not to compare yourself to others or measure your success based on someone else's standards. Therapy is about focusing on what’s best for you.
   

7. Embrace Your Imperfections: Therapy isn't about achieving perfection or fixing all your problems. It's about embracing your imperfections, learning from your experiences, and moving towards greater self-awareness and acceptance.

What To Expect During Your First Session

1. Review of Paperwork: Just like with any healthcare provider, you will fill out new client paperwork either before your appointment or at the office before meeting with your therapist. After introductions are made, your therapist will review the consent forms, any initial questionnaires, or other important paperwork. While this part may seem a bit mundane, it's important to understand the expectations and also empower yourself with all the information you'll need about working with your therapist and the therapy process.
   

2. Discuss What's Bringing You In: Your therapist will ask questions to expand the discussion on why you've chosen to seek therapy. Whether it's struggling with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, or simply feeling lost and overwhelmed, this is your opportunity to express what's been weighing on you. They might even want to know about any symptoms you’re experiencing, such as physical symptoms, how often you're experiencing those symptoms, and the timing of your symptoms. Remember, there's no judgment here—your therapist is here to listen and support you.
   

3. Setting Goals: You’ll talk about what you hope to achieve in therapy. These goals might be short-term or long-term, specific or more general. Maybe you want to learn healthy coping mechanisms for stress, improve communication skills in your relationships, or gain a deeper understanding of yourself. Your therapist will help you clarify and refine these goals as you progress.
   

4. What to Expect for Yourself: Something you might not anticipate is that therapy might be emotionally draining, especially if you’re a person who tends to hold in emotions. We want you to know that this is normal. It's okay to feel vulnerable, and it's okay if the floodgates of emotion open unexpectedly.
   

Final Thoughts

Starting therapy is a courageous step towards understanding and healing yourself. While the journey may be emotionally, physically, and mentally draining at times, it is also filled with opportunities for profound growth and transformation. By embracing vulnerability, setting clear goals, and building a trusting relationship with your therapist, you pave the way for meaningful change. 

As you move forward, hold onto the knowledge that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. You are taking steps towards reclaiming control over your mental health and overall well-being. Celebrate your courage and commitment, knowing that you are not alone on this journey—your therapist is there to guide and support you every step of the way.

At Life By Design Therapy, we specialize in Holistic and Somatic Therapy because we believe in seeing people healed in their mind, body, and spirit. Your body possesses the capacity to signal distress, store trauma, and manifest symptoms such as anxiety, depression, and physical ailments. At Life By Design Therapy, we are dedicated to helping you understand your body's messages and supporting you as you learn to navigate and thrive. 



If you’re in California and ready to start your therapy journey, schedule a phone consultation with our Coordinator to pair you with a therapist that best fits your needs. CLICK HERE to schedule. 

Affirmations For Starting therapy

1. I am taking a courageous step towards healing and self-discovery.

2. I deserve to invest in my mental health and well-being.

3. It is okay to seek help and support; I am not alone in this journey.

4. Each therapy session brings me closer to understanding and accepting myself.

5. I am patient with myself as I grow and heal through this process
   

Additional Resources

**If you’re interested in learning more about the benefits of therapy and self-growth check out these books below:

1. “On Becoming a Person: A Therapist’s View of Psychotherapy” by Carl R. Rogers

2. “Man's Search for Meaning” by Viktor E. Frankl

3. "Mind Over Mood: Change How You Feel by Changing the Way You Think" by Dennis Greenberger and Christine A. Padesky

4. "The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma" by Bessel van der Kolk

5. "The Gifts of Imperfection" by Brené Brown 

6. "Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life with the Heart of a Buddha" by Tara Brach

7. "Daring Greatly" by Brené Brown

8. “Stop Overthinking: 23 Techniques to Relieve Stress, Stop Negative Spirals, Declutter Your Mind, and Focus on the Present (The Path to Calm)” by Nick Trenton

9. “Atomic Habits” by James Clear

10.  “Don't Believe Everything You Think: Why Your Thinking Is The Beginning & End Of Suffering” by  Joseph Nguyen

**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read the full disclosure here.

Embracing Wholeness: How Holistic Therapy Connects Mind, Body, and Spirit

Melody Wright, LMFT

Have you ever been so swamped by all the busyness of life that you didn't even realize the lack of sleep, increased caffeine consumption, and the low-level fatigue that had been plaguing you all week?  If so, you're definitely not alone.  We've all experienced moments of getting so caught up in our day-to-day tasks, activities, responsibilities, and the overwhelming push of life to stay busy that we neglect or overlook moments to take a break and reconnect with ourselves and what we may be needing.

It’s completely normal to get caught up in the cyclic routines of our daily lives that we often neglect pieces of ourselves that need tending to. As you read this, you may be wondering, “How does this relate to therapy?”. In this blog, I will explain exactly how Holistic Therapy can help you take back the wheel of your life and draw attention to your WHOLE self. We’ll discuss how tending to your mind, body, emotions, and spirit can increase your resilience and promote overall healing. 

What is Holistic Therapy?

These days it seems as though we walk around with fragmented lives. We only nurture individual parts of ourselves at different times. Have you ever felt like there is “more to life”, or feel as though the person you are meant to be is stuck? You may find that this manifests in your relationships, your professional life, and even things that you enjoy. At its core, holistic therapy recognizes that our well-being is influenced by the intricate connection between our thoughts, emotions, physical health, and spirituality. Instead of viewing these as separate pieces of you, holistic therapy seeks to bridge the gaps, by cultivating a holistic perspective that integrates every part of you. 

Who is Holistic Therapy For? 

In short, Holistic Therapy is for everyone. However, this approach to therapy has been proven to cultivate deep healing in those with trauma, anxiety, depression, and other mental health challenges. The modalities used in holistic therapy can reach emotional and relational wounds from traumatic experiences like neglect, sexual trauma, and abuse that traditional talk therapy may overlook. It’s also been proven to have significant and life-changing transformation in situations where communication is needing improvement, parent-to-child relationships, and for those who are on a self-discovery journey.

Modalities Used in Holistic Therapy

Holistic therapy uses a wide range of modalities that aim to address the interconnectedness of the mind, body, and spirit in order to promote overall well-being and healing. Here are a few modalities utilized in holistic therapy. 

1. Somatic Therapy: These practices involve focusing one's attention on the present moment by creating awareness, and developing a non-judgmental attitude. Mindfulness and meditation techniques like breathwork and grounding are utilized in Somatic Therapy and can be used to reduce stress, encourage self-awareness and promote emotional balance.
   

2. Transpersonal Therapy: This modality is used by practitioners to incorporate spirituality. The objective is to enhance a person’s self-awareness and increase their overall quality of life through spirituality and self-reflection. This is achieved through techniques like guided imagery, meditation, and mindfulness practices.
   

3. Expressive Arts Therapy: This practice can be incredibly supportive for those who have a difficult time finding the words to express what they are feeling or don’t feel safe sharing. Through creativity, whether it’s art, music, or writing, people can become aware of deep emotions that they may not even realize are there.
   

4. Ecotherapy: By integrating nature into therapeutic practices, ecotherapy offers benefits to both individuals and the planet. Being in nature can reduce stress, improve mood, and increase cognitive function. The sights, sounds, and smells of nature have a calming effect on our minds, which can help to alleviate things like anxiety and depression. Walking, gardening, and simply sitting outside can support your healing journey. 

Final Thoughts

Holistic Therapy empowers you to participate in your own self-healing. You are the master of your life and the holistic approach is just a tool to support your navigation. By embracing the principles of Holistic Therapy, you can create a path of deep healing, and lasting transformation, and live a more vibrant and fulfilling life. If you are interested in learning more about Holistic Therapy, CLICK HERE, to schedule your free, no-obligation, phone consultation with our Client Care Coordinator. 

Additional Resources

If you would like to learn more about Holistic Therapy, here are a few additional resources.

1. The Healing Code of Nature: Discovering the New Science of Eco-Psychosomatic by Clemens G. Arvay 

2. Somatic Psychotherapy Toolbox: 125 Worksheets and Exercises to Treat Trauma & Stress by Manuela Mischke-Reeds

3. The Healing Power of Mindfulness: A New Way of Being" by Jon Kabat-Zinn

4. The Magic of Manifesting: 15 Advanced Techniques To Attract Your Best Life, Even If You Think It's Impossible Now by Ryuu Shinohara

5. Signs: The Secret Language of the Universe Paperback – June 2, 2020, by Laura Lynne Jackson 

6. Grace Unfolding: Psychotherapy in the Spirit of Tao-te ching by Greg Johanson and Ronald S. Kurtz

7. The Tao of Trauma: A Practitioner's Guide for Integrating Five Element Theory and Trauma Treatment by Alaine D. Duncan, Kathy L. Kain, and Michael Hollifield

**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read the full disclosure here.

The Body-Mind Connection: A Guide to Somatic Therapy and Its Techniques

By Melody Wright, LMFT

When I step into a session I pay close attention to my client’s breathing, tone and speed of voice and overall energy. There’s no agenda or predetermined plan; instead, I remain completely present, engaged, and attuned with them. I rely on my own nervous system to pick up on cues from my clients and use that information to support and guide them through the ebbs and flows of the session. Many times, we remain oblivious to the messages our bodies are attempting to convey. As a somatic therapist, my role is to guide individuals in developing awareness of these signals and assist them in deciphering the meaningful communication embedded within their physical experiences. You see, in today's world, it's not uncommon for many of us to feel overwhelmed, stressed, or disconnected from ourselves. We may find ourselves trapped in the whirlwind of our thoughts, often neglecting the connection between our bodies and minds. This is the beauty of Somatic Therapy.

Somatic therapy recognizes the intricate connection between the body and the mind, understanding that our physical experiences and emotional states are intertwined. In this blog, we will discuss the world of somatic therapy, unraveling its principles, modalities, and benefits. Whether you are a seeker of self-discovery or someone who desires to enhance their overall well-being, this blog will provide you with valuable insights into the transformative potential of Somatic Therapy.

What Are The Benefits of Somatic Therapy

With Somatic Therapy being a holistic approach to psychotherapy its principles focus on the understanding that emotional and psychological issues can be manifested and stored in the body. With that understanding, it can address the body's experiences and sensations which can lead to healing and transformation. Here are some of the principles that guide somatic therapy: 

1. Body-Mind Connection: As already mentioned, Somatic therapy emphasizes the importance of connecting fully with one's body. It encourages individuals to become aware of bodily sensations, emotions, and patterns of movement to gain a deeper understanding of their present experiences.
   

2. Mindfulness and Presence: Somatic Therapy brings awareness by promoting the practice of mindfulness. As people begin to practice mindfulness it leads them to deeper self-awareness and allows them to develop a greater capacity to respond to life's challenges with more self-love and self-acceptance.
   

3. Integration of the Mind and Body for Transformation: Somatic Therapy teaches you how to honor and understand your body. When you are able to listen to its signals and tend to the places in need you honor yourself as a whole. Integrating the tools given to you by your therapist will promote transformation, resilience, and overall healing. 

 How is Somatic Therapy Different from Talk Therapy?

Now that we’ve talked about what Somatic Therapy is and touched on some of its basic principles, let’s discuss the tools used to achieve these goals. The techniques used in Somatic Therapy are like the tools in your tool kit. One tool may work for one thing, but not for the other, like a hammer to drive a nail versus a screwdriver.  When you start therapy, your therapist will begin to provide you with these tools for healing. So what are some Somatic Therapy tools? 

1. Nervous System Regulation - By focusing on levels of activation your therapist can support you with grounding in the moment and regulating your nervous system. Conscious breathing, visualization, and touch exercises can help release tension and provide grounding. This is especially supportive to those who experience anxiety. This allows you to process emotions on a deeper level by providing a deeper awareness of what you’re experiencing in your body.
    

2. Allowing The Body To Move As It Pleases: Incorporating authentic movement helps give the body a voice by allowing the individual to release pent-up energy, frustration, and stress. With eyes closed to reduce distraction and encourage body awareness, the individual can then act out their internal emotions that they may not have words for at the moment. The movement supports releasing the “feel good” hormones like oxytocin to combat depression and trauma-related issues.
   

3. Mindfulness Practices: Mindfulness practices, such as meditation, are a common technique used in Somatic Therapy. These practices invite curiosity and acceptance. Mindfulness is a time to be led by your subconscious mind, thus connecting with authenticity and the present moment in a gentle, loving way. Mindfulness is also a way to connect with your inner resources and strength, explore past experiences, and literally create new neural pathways in your brain. When you meditate or imagine a positive situation, your brain cannot distinguish what is real versus what actually happened which creates a new positive neural pathway in your brain leading to healing in the mind and body.
   

4. Body Scanning - Self-awareness is a key piece to Somatic Therapy. Knowing what your body is saying is essential to developing that self-awareness. Body Scanning has been proven to be a very successful mindfulness technique to increase your body awareness. It supports this by giving you clues into how you are feeling or what you might be needing.

Final Thoughts

As we mentioned above, Somatic Therapy can play an intricate part in your healing journey and self-development. Many times people will visit their therapist to talk about their issues, and yes this can be supportive for a while, however, the body holds wisdom for your healing as well. The body's memory of trauma can have lasting physical effects such as chronic pain, sleep disorders or consistently living in fight or flight mode. Here at Life By Design Therapy, we have a team who is skilled and passionate about utilizing Somatic and Holistic Therapy tools to support you in a safe and non-judgmental space. If you are interested in learning more about what each therapist offers, visit our website at www.lifebydesigntherapy.com or if you are ready to get started CLICK HERE to schedule your free phone consultation with our Client Care Coordinator.

Additional Resources

If you would like to learn more about Somatic Therapy, below are a few recommended resources.

.

1. Somatic Psychotherapy Toolbox: 125 Worksheets and Exercises to Treat Trauma & Stress by Manuela Mischke-Reeds

2. In an Unspoken Voice: How the Body Releases Trauma and Restores Goodness by Peter A. Levine

3. Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma" by Peter A. Levine

4. The Healing Power of the Breath: Simple Techniques to Reduce Stress and Anxiety, Enhance Concentration, and Balance Your Emotions" by Richard P. Brown and Patricia L. Gerbarg

5. "The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma" by Bessel van der Kolk

6.  Sensorimotor Psychotherapy: Interventions for Trauma and Attachment" by Pat Ogden and Janina Fisher

7. Grace Unfolding: Psychotherapy in the Spirit of Tao-te ching by Greg Johanson and Ronald S. Kurtz

8. The Tao of Trauma: A Practitioner's Guide for Integrating Five Element Theory and Trauma Treatment by Alaine D. Duncan, Kathy L. Kain and Michael Hollifield

**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read the full disclosure here.

5 Things to Expect in Your First Online Therapy Session

By Dr Nia

In the time of coronavirus, we are all adjusting to many stressors: concern about our health and that of our loved ones, school or workplace closures,and financial worries, among others. Many people are experiencing understandable increases in anxiety, depression, and social isolation. Fortunately, online sessions (also known as teletherapy) are an option for staying connected while observing the guidelines around social distancing. Video or phone sessions can allow you to maintain the connection you have with your therapist or develop a new relationship if you are seeking therapy for the first time.  

1. Consent: Similar rules apply in online sessions as in the actual therapy room. The first is that you provide informed consent. This means you agree to treatment and participate willingly, you are aware of the risks/benefits, and you can withdraw from treatment at any time. Your therapist will obtain your consent and make sure to answer any questions you have. Also, your therapist will ask where you are located, since we can only practice in states where we are licensed. 

2. Confidentiality: Another rule is confidentiality, which means your therapist will keep what you share between you, with a few exceptions (child or elder abuse, danger to self/others, and court orders). On your end, it’s helpful to have a private area where you can speak freely. Using earbuds/headphones can improve privacy and sound quality. For added security during your sessions, turn off smart devices, like Alexa, that may be “listening” even when not in use. It can be helpful to let family and other folks know you have an appointment that requires your attention. Children and pets often require our attention so it’s okay if you need to step away. A private space is not always possible but perhaps an option like the family car can work. Rest assured that your therapist will problem-solve with you if you are having trouble finding a confidential space. In my previous work in community mental health, I had sessions with clients in nontraditional locations. This included places like parks, Starbucks, and in one last-minute bind with a hungry kiddo, a Burger King! Although not ideal, we are all having to be more flexible in these times, so try to offer yourself compassion and be creative, while upholding your own confidentiality. 

3. Space: The physical space in a therapy office often creates a feeling immediately when you walk in. Your therapist has likely put a lot of thought into things like furniture, lighting, and even artwork, in order to create a space that feels comfortable and inviting. The benefit of online sessions is you have control over creating this space for yourself. When considering what can help you to feel most at ease during an online therapy session, think about your 5 senses. Would you like a soft throw pillow on your lap or to have a warm drink? Maybe you’d like to light a candle with your favorite scent? Notice how your body feels in the space during the session and make adjustments based on what brings you a sense of calm. 

4. #Awkward: It’s okay to feel a bit apprehensive when doing online therapy for the first time. Normally, interacting in a video format is reserved for friends and family or for work. Online therapy can feel too personal or not personal enough at the same time. There may be times when there are long pauses or eye contact feels too intense. It’s normal to feel self-conscious about seeing yourself on-screen (this comes up a lot with teens). It can help to place a sticky note over your picture and focus on your therapist’s friendly face. You can experiment with different things to help you feel more comfortable, such as angles, distance, and lighting. You and your therapist will work together and gradually develop a rhythm for your online sessions. 

5. Technical difficulties: Despite all our best efforts, these will happen! And when they happen in therapy, they can be ill-timed and cause frustration. Remember to take deep breaths. These challenges are expected and no one is to blame. Closing down other programs on your laptop or phone can help improve your internet connection. As a last resort, you and your therapist may decide to have a phone session. Together, you and your therapist can navigate these difficulties and have an ongoing conversation about how they impact your therapeutic relationship. 

Therapy reflections

1. If this is your first time in therapy, how do you think an online session might be different from in person? What worries or concerns do you have? 

2. If you previously met with your therapist in person, what did you like about the physical space? Is there anything you’d change? 

3. What challenges do you foresee in your online therapy process and how can you plan ahead to work through them?

4. What tools can you use in your own space to create a sense of safety and comfort? 

I hope these tips help you feel more prepared for your video or phone sessions.

The Modern Rules of Couples Therapy

by Melody Wright, LMFT

Relationships are important and require care, quality time, and secure attachment to be healthy ones. The choices we make and the responses we give one another set the tone in our relationships. Sometimes the increasing demands of daily living tax couples, leaving little emotional overhead for the most important ones in our lives. Often when there is conflict, this contributes to adverse reactions, thoughts, and feelings.

Who is the Modern Couple?

Times have changed in terms of the shift in traditional relationships. Today, more women are in the workforce, and more men have shifted to stay at home roles for the children. In addition, we have more same-sex, gender non-conforming, and poly-amorous couples who are navigating relationships and the various roles of parenting, managing household chores and juggling financial responsibilities. With these shifts in our society brings less exclusivity in roles between partners and those who are or decide to become parents.

Modern couples have less defined roles that may be exciting and a refreshing way of supporting one another; this can also bring complex challenges for each partner. Aspects such as vulnerability expectations and being emotionally available to their partners may be challenging.

While women have been traditionally viewed as more emotional; increased demands from relationships, children and career choices add more pressures. This too can affect a woman’s emotional availability if she is feeling overwhelmed or unsupported.

Relationships Need Care

If your relationship does not receive the attention it needs to thrive and grow, distance, and detachment takes over. If you have old wounds, this too will be a contributing factor to the breakdown and emotional distance in your marriage or partnership. Couples may end up feeling hurt, angry, or isolated and give up.

Human beings need secure attachments and made to feel unconditionally loved in their relationships. When we feel hurt, fear can move in and reduce the attachment to whom we love. Sometimes we are so caught up in our responses and thoughts; We lose sight in how it affects the one person we love the most.

How Holistic & Somatic Therapy Can Help The Modern Couple

When you can identify your body’s responses to your thoughts and emotions, it becomes easier to define your triggers and how they affect you and your relationship. Things such as sweaty palms, or ‘fight or flight’ response can be some indicators. For example, yelling, crying, a burst of anger, and even leaving the room or shutting down all point to the ‘fight or flight’ responses to those who are struggling to deal with challenges in relationships. This leaves the other partner scared, confused, and hurt.

To understand your own physical and emotional reactions, you must acknowledge them and be in the moment. Somatic therapy is learning to be mindful and more present. This can provide a better insight into how you and your partner are affected by those responses.

Holistic therapy can also support you and your partner in couples counseling. Holistic therapy provides insight and ways to respond to your partner that fosters a secure attachment. This is possible when we understand our responses and feel safe to express them. With mutual understanding, couples can learn better ways of supporting one another.

With unconditional love and support, being in the moment and altering interactions will better your relationship. Couples therapy may incorporate focusing on the patterns and cycles you and your partner have that keep you stuck having the same argument repeatedly. By beginning to bring mindful awareness to your patterns as a couple, you can make shifts in your interactions for the better. In addition, couples therapy has the potential to rebuild the genuine bond you once had and possibly a stronger one.

Life By Design Therapy Is Ready to Support the Modern Couple

When you come in for marriage counseling or couples therapy, we practice the somatic approach of being in the moment during sessions. While we want you to be comfortable in the session, change is vital for growth. There may be a time we will encourage you to be mindful, use expressive arts, movement, or being aware of your breathing, all while respecting your comfort.

Coming in for couples’ therapy will provide the understanding to work through these feelings. It is possible to heal and feel connected in your relationship with your partner again. Our somatic and holistic therapists at Life By Design are here to support you in couples therapy and answer any questions you have. Let us guide your relationship to a greater understanding and acceptance. Whether you need to work through minor key issues or several, Life By Design Therapy is here. You can connect with us in Berkeley and Richmond, California. Call today for a better tomorrow.

Therapy Reflections

1. How satisfied are you in your current relationship?

2. How do you and your partner communicate hurts or disappointments?

3. How comfortable are you with being vulnerable?

4. Are there any areas in your relationship that you would like to be improved?

Interested in attachment?

Read our attachment blog series to learn more about how your attachment style impacts your relationships!

How to Get the Most Out of Therapy

by Melody Wright, LMFT

So you’ve made your first therapy appointment with one of our holistic therapists at Life by Design Therapy, and it’s coming up fast. Or perhaps you’re trying to decide about making this first step. You’re ready to improve your life, divulge your hidden thoughts, do all the inner work, and come out the other side making positive steps toward the life of your dreams.

To get the most out of your therapy sessions, there are a few key session habits that can make all the difference. Following these will keep you out of the common pitfalls that are typically experienced along the way.

Have Goals in Mind

To know you are healed, you have to know your definition of healed. This answer can be different for every person. To some people, this may be no longer being affected by relationship trauma. To other people, this may be finally getting your dream job or at least pinpointing what it is. While it’s okay to start without knowing these goals, you (perhaps with the help of your therapist) will want to know your ultimate goal, so you have a gauge of when you no longer need therapy.

Being Open to the Process

Healing and personal growth are rarely straight roads. Your therapist may help you realize strengths in yourself which help you deal with triggers, overwhelming anxiety or depression, relationship wounds, or negative thought patterns that you didn’t know would help. These initial actions may help tremendously for a few weeks, but may then need to be changed as more of your past surfaces. For others, you may read assigned books and do the exercises that help you find your passion, then somewhere along the way recognize something about that career that causes you to go in another direction.

The journey is rarely straightforward. None of the effort goes wasted, either. The arising circumstances show you many facets of your inner growth.

Showing Up Consistently

There may be days along the way when you believe it’s not worth driving to your appointment. Although skipping may sound like a great solution in the moment, it almost never is. People usually skip their appointment when they don’t think they need any more help, when they think they’re just going to talk about the same things as the previous week or when they feel so bad they don’t think anyone can help.

Continuing to come no matter what is extremely important. You may think your life is figured out when it isn’t. Then, soon after, life throws a curveball. You might not be able to fit back into your therapist’s schedule if you passed on your usual spot.

It’s important to know that you are never wasting your therapist’s time. If you think you no longer need help, show up anyway and discuss it together. Also, know it’s perfectly fine to discuss last week’s problems again. Your therapist can help you by helping you work through things in a different way than last time. Letting your therapist know what’s not working can better your results. This way, your therapist can tailor your sessions to your changing needs or struggles.

And your situation is never without hope. When you’ve reached a rock bottom is the time to rely on the professional help you’re avoiding.

While it may be hard, it’s vital to come in no matter what.  

Speak Up Before Ending Therapy

One step further than missing an appointment is deciding you’re through altogether. If you decide you’re done without the agreement of your therapist, there’s a big chance you are missing an important piece of healing. Your therapist wants you to reach your session goals just as much as you do.

If you are tempted to end therapy, bring it up to your therapist. They can enlighten you as to why it’s important for you to continue.

Thankfully nowadays, the need for help is becoming more and more accepted. Now is one of the best times in history to receive help. To get the most out of this opportunity, these four basic steps help tremendously. Showing up is often half the battle and continuing on the therapy path even when it doesn’t feel right is crucial as well. Our therapists at Life by Design Therapy are ready to support your therapy process!