Embracing Wholeness: How Holistic Therapy Connects Mind, Body, and Spirit

Melody Wright, LMFT

Have you ever been so swamped by all the busyness of life that you didn't even realize the lack of sleep, increased caffeine consumption, and the low-level fatigue that had been plaguing you all week?  If so, you're definitely not alone.  We've all experienced moments of getting so caught up in our day-to-day tasks, activities, responsibilities, and the overwhelming push of life to stay busy that we neglect or overlook moments to take a break and reconnect with ourselves and what we may be needing.

It’s completely normal to get caught up in the cyclic routines of our daily lives that we often neglect pieces of ourselves that need tending to. As you read this, you may be wondering, “How does this relate to therapy?”. In this blog, I will explain exactly how Holistic Therapy can help you take back the wheel of your life and draw attention to your WHOLE self. We’ll discuss how tending to your mind, body, emotions, and spirit can increase your resilience and promote overall healing. 

What is Holistic Therapy?

These days it seems as though we walk around with fragmented lives. We only nurture individual parts of ourselves at different times. Have you ever felt like there is “more to life”, or feel as though the person you are meant to be is stuck? You may find that this manifests in your relationships, your professional life, and even things that you enjoy. At its core, holistic therapy recognizes that our well-being is influenced by the intricate connection between our thoughts, emotions, physical health, and spirituality. Instead of viewing these as separate pieces of you, holistic therapy seeks to bridge the gaps, by cultivating a holistic perspective that integrates every part of you. 

Who is Holistic Therapy For? 

In short, Holistic Therapy is for everyone. However, this approach to therapy has been proven to cultivate deep healing in those with trauma, anxiety, depression, and other mental health challenges. The modalities used in holistic therapy can reach emotional and relational wounds from traumatic experiences like neglect, sexual trauma, and abuse that traditional talk therapy may overlook. It’s also been proven to have significant and life-changing transformation in situations where communication is needing improvement, parent-to-child relationships, and for those who are on a self-discovery journey.

Modalities Used in Holistic Therapy

Holistic therapy uses a wide range of modalities that aim to address the interconnectedness of the mind, body, and spirit in order to promote overall well-being and healing. Here are a few modalities utilized in holistic therapy. 

1. Somatic Therapy: These practices involve focusing one's attention on the present moment by creating awareness, and developing a non-judgmental attitude. Mindfulness and meditation techniques like breathwork and grounding are utilized in Somatic Therapy and can be used to reduce stress, encourage self-awareness and promote emotional balance.
   

2. Transpersonal Therapy: This modality is used by practitioners to incorporate spirituality. The objective is to enhance a person’s self-awareness and increase their overall quality of life through spirituality and self-reflection. This is achieved through techniques like guided imagery, meditation, and mindfulness practices.
   

3. Expressive Arts Therapy: This practice can be incredibly supportive for those who have a difficult time finding the words to express what they are feeling or don’t feel safe sharing. Through creativity, whether it’s art, music, or writing, people can become aware of deep emotions that they may not even realize are there.
   

4. Ecotherapy: By integrating nature into therapeutic practices, ecotherapy offers benefits to both individuals and the planet. Being in nature can reduce stress, improve mood, and increase cognitive function. The sights, sounds, and smells of nature have a calming effect on our minds, which can help to alleviate things like anxiety and depression. Walking, gardening, and simply sitting outside can support your healing journey. 

Final Thoughts

Holistic Therapy empowers you to participate in your own self-healing. You are the master of your life and the holistic approach is just a tool to support your navigation. By embracing the principles of Holistic Therapy, you can create a path of deep healing, and lasting transformation, and live a more vibrant and fulfilling life. If you are interested in learning more about Holistic Therapy, CLICK HERE, to schedule your free, no-obligation, phone consultation with our Client Care Coordinator. 

Additional Resources

If you would like to learn more about Holistic Therapy, here are a few additional resources.

1. The Healing Code of Nature: Discovering the New Science of Eco-Psychosomatic by Clemens G. Arvay 

2. Somatic Psychotherapy Toolbox: 125 Worksheets and Exercises to Treat Trauma & Stress by Manuela Mischke-Reeds

3. The Healing Power of Mindfulness: A New Way of Being" by Jon Kabat-Zinn

4. The Magic of Manifesting: 15 Advanced Techniques To Attract Your Best Life, Even If You Think It's Impossible Now by Ryuu Shinohara

5. Signs: The Secret Language of the Universe Paperback – June 2, 2020, by Laura Lynne Jackson 

6. Grace Unfolding: Psychotherapy in the Spirit of Tao-te ching by Greg Johanson and Ronald S. Kurtz

7. The Tao of Trauma: A Practitioner's Guide for Integrating Five Element Theory and Trauma Treatment by Alaine D. Duncan, Kathy L. Kain, and Michael Hollifield

**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read the full disclosure here.

Ecotherapy And The Healing Power of Nature

by Melody Wright, LMFT

We all know that spending time outdoors is good for us. Many of us are instinctively drawn to nature and enjoy outdoor forms of exercise like hiking, biking, or swimming. But nature does not only affect our physical health: it impacts our mental health as well.

Research has found that spending time in nature offers various mental health benefits. Spending time outdoors has long been a popular self-help strategy for individuals struggling with mental health issues or psychological stress. Now, even mental healthcare professionals are harnessing its advantages to help clients struggling with anxiety, depression, and more. 

The practice of incorporating nature into mental healthcare is known as ecotherapy or ecopsychology. Ecotherapy is a relatively new therapeutic specialty, but it shows substantial promise in the field. As a client (or potential client), here's what you should know about ecotherapy and how it can help you thrive.

The Mental Health Benefits of Nature

Studies dating back to the 1970s and 80s have documented the health-promoting effects of nature. For example, in a study conducted between 1972 and 1981, and published in 1984, Ulrich found that patients recovering from surgery had shorter hospital stays when their rooms came with a view of the outdoors.Nature has also been found to have a profound influence on mood and cognition. Ulrich observed in 1991 that the brains of healthy, unstressed individuals viewing scenes of nature produced more serotonin than the brains of those not looking at natural scenes. The benefits are not only biological: individuals in connection with nature report greater subjective feelings of happiness, too.Research has only recently begun to explore the implications of nature on psychopathology. Nature-based interventions have been successful in helping individuals with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Ecotherapy may also be helpful for people with schizophrenia, impacting both their physical health and self-esteem.So, why is connecting with nature so helpful for our health? Experts have proposed an explanation called the biophilia hypothesis. According to this hypothesis, humans have an innate drive to connect with nature because our ancestors relied on the land for their survival. Another hypothesis, the stress reduction hypothesis, proposes the idea that interaction with nature triggers an innate biological response that naturally lowers our stress levels.

What is Ecotherapy?

Ecotherapy is a modality used by mental health professionals to address concerns like stress, anxiety, depression, and more. Just as we do at Life by Design Therapy, ecotherapy takes a holistic approach to mental healthcare, by combining traditional talk therapy with interventions that occur in contact with the natural landscape.It's important to understand that in ecotherapy, time spent in nature does not replace traditional therapy. Instead, time in nature is used to supplement the benefits obtained by engaging in therapy with a trained mental healthcare professional. Some of the ways that ecotherapy incorporates nature into the therapeutic process include:

• Outdoor meditation or yoga

• Nature-based metaphors

• Books about the natural world

• Therapy sessions that are held outdoors

• Animal-assisted therapy

"Ecotherapist" is an unofficial term that any clinician can use to describe themselves and the way they utilize nature in their practice. However, many therapists choose to support their professional development by taking ecotherapy certification courses online or in person. These courses offer additional insight into how building or strengthening a connection with the natural world can be helpful to clients.

Working with an Ecotherapist

If you are located in the Bay Area and interested in working with an ecotherapist, Life by Design Therapy has openings! Our staff therapist Krystal Williams, LMFT, LPCC, incorporates ecotherapy into her practice, as well as other holistic approaches such as mindfulness and expressive arts. She is currently completing her second level of the ecotherapy certification and would love to meet you. Contact us today to see if Krystal could be a good fit for your needs.

References:

1. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/6143402/

2. https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1992-97201-000

3. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0013916512451901

4. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17007224/

DBT Part 2: The Four Skills

by Ashley Gregory, LMFT

As mentioned in part one, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) is a widely applicable practice combining a variety of concepts and skills. Marsha Linehan created DBT in the late 1970’s, inspired by her own personal experience to dedicate her life to supporting people in severe distress. Marsha wove together concepts and interventions from Zen Buddhism, behavioral and humanistic approaches to arrive at four essential DBT skills: mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotion regulation and interpersonal effectiveness. Radical acceptance is an essential belief in DBT, grounding the skills practice in embracing one’s present moment experience. 

What does Radical Acceptance mean?

Each of the DBT skills is designed to offer relief during different points throughout an experience of emotional pain. From moment to moment, emotional pain shifts and changes. DBT stresses the importance of understanding choice and control. A key concept and practice of DBT is radical acceptance. Radical acceptance means accepting the past and focusing on the present moment, without inflicting criticism, blame or judgment. It is in the present moment where we have the most power to make change. Only by accepting the present may we create something different in the future. 

Mindfulness is Noticing Without Judgment

DBT is grounded in the practice of mindfulness. Mindfulness is not the same as meditation. In fact, Marsha found that many of the people she worked with in her early work with clients became overwhelmed when directed to focus on their breath. In the experience of many trauma survivors, focusing on the breath can bring up terrifying memories. Instead, mindfulness is directing one’s attention to the present moment without judgment. It is the practice of simply noticing. Simply noticing thoughts, feelings, impulses, sensations or images arising in one’s own experience. Noticing without judgment means letting go of labels such as “good” or “bad,” “healthy” or “unhealthy” and trusting that your experience is your experience. In most DBT groups, mindfulness is repeatedly practiced throughout the course of learning all of the other skills. 

Distraction and Self-Soothing in Order to Cope 

Being in extreme emotional distress may lead to impulsive reactions and coping in ways which lead to more suffering, like hurting yourself or someone else. Distraction and self-soothing skills are distress tolerance tools which increase capacity to deal with overwhelming emotions. Authors of The Dialectical Behavioral Therapy Skills Workbook stress “do not confuse distraction with avoidance. When you avoid a distressing situation, you choose not to deal with it. But when you distract yourself from a distressing situation, you still intend to deal with it in the future, when your emotions have calmed to a tolerable level” (p. 9). Distraction skills may include holding an ice cube, engaging in enjoyable activities like playing with a pet, going outside, learning a new language, playing a card game or writing in a journal. Other skills include picking something in your environment to count or completing chores like cleaning behind the refrigerator. The idea behind distraction skills is to create some space to be able to work through overwhelming emotions. Self-soothing practices are ways to create increased calm and improved focus. Most often, self-soothing skills engage the senses. Examples include listening to music (sense of hearing), lighting a candle of your favorite scent (sense of smell), looking at pictures of nature (sense of sight), slowly drinking tea or chewing gum (sense of taste) and wearing your most comfortable clothes (sense of touch). What may be most supportive for one person will most likely be different from another person. Each distraction and self-soothing plan is a reflection of your unique needs and interests. 

Interlocking Skills

Many of the skills taught in DBT overlap and reinforce each other. Emotion regulation skills, for example, are also mindfulness and distress tolerance skills. One way to slow down to create more space and choice between emotion and action is to speak your feelings out loud. Becoming aware of the relationships between emotions, thoughts and behaviors in your own life can be an empowering process. Identifying coping thoughts, such as “Mistakes happen, nobody’s perfect” may offer relief and allow for radical acceptance and self-compassion to be more accessible. 

Finally, interpersonal effectiveness skills integrate mindful awareness of yourself and others within relationships. The Dialectical Behavioral Therapy Skills Workbook describes six core interpersonal effectiveness skills: knowing what you want, asking for what you want, negotiating conflicting wants, getting information, saying “no” in a way that protects the relationship and acting according to your values (p. 187-188). These skills support you in identifying barriers to creating and maintaining nourishing relationships in your life. 

Your Unique Healing Journey

DBT stresses the importance of cultivating awareness, following intuition, creating effective plans, taking wise action and honestly reflecting. In my practice with clients, I also draw upon a combination of these practices with gentleness, humor and acceptance. Together we can weave an experience of therapy unique to you, meeting you where you are while building your capacity for change. 

The Dialectical Behavioral Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation & Distress Tolerance by Matthew McKay, Ph.D, Jeffrey C. Wood, Psy. D, and Jeffrey Brantley, MD.  

The Foundations of DBT

by Ashley Gregory, LMFT

Throughout my experience as a clinician, I have come across DBT on numerous occasions. In my work with adolescents, I have been fortunate enough to partner with community mental health organizations implementing DBT groups for young people struggling with serious depression, persistent trauma and crippling anxiety. This piece is meant to be a very brief introduction to DBT; a glimpse into its early beginnings and to the concepts underpinning its practice.

Where did DBT come from?  

DBT stands for Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. Marsha Linehan developed DBT in the late 1970’s throughout her work with people who were highly suicidal. She literally went to hospitals and asked them to refer the people who were most acutely suicidal to her. Marsha is credited for creating a treatment for Borderline Personality Disorder, which is what DBT is most known for, however Marsha asserts that her initial aim was to address suicidal and self-harming behaviors. Now, DBT is widely accepted as applicable for a variety of mental health conditions, including Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), depression, anxiety, substance use disorders, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and more. In many clinical settings, DBT is practiced in groups and with an individual therapist simultaneously. Treatment includes skills training to improve emotional regulation, interpersonal effectiveness, distress tolerance and mindfulness. 

Marsha had herself been through a lengthy hospital stay in her early life. For two years, she was institutionalized and isolated for months on end. She developed self-harming and suicidal behaviors and was subjected to numerous drug trials and electroconvulsive therapy (ECT). At this very same time, through her personal struggle, she dedicated herself to supporting others’ well-being.

What is Dialectics?

One way to understand the “dialectics” part of DBT is to think about it as a “both/and” perspective. Rather than label someone’s perspective as “right” or “wrong,” dialectics suggests that multiple truths exist at the same time, neither truth more important or more true than the other. In a dialectical approach, therapists and clients are encouraged to consider holding apparent contradictions at the same time. This perspective creates space for seemingly opposite experiences, for example both wanting to live and wanting to die, to exist simultaneously. In this way, DBT practices a validating stance towards another person’s experience and perspective. 

DBT is an approach which combines behavioral and humanistic interventions. In her work, Marsha found that the people she sought to support in “creating a life worth living” did not respond well to either approach applied on it’s own. Instead, she realized that what was most helpful was finding a balance between change and acceptance. What she found in her research was this: on the one hand, people did not want to be told that they are the problem and something is wrong with them. On the other hand, people were suffering tremendously and needed skills to “find a way out of hell.” Interestingly, DBT was actually the first widely practiced treatment to incorporate mindfulness skills. It is a core practice in DBT, derived from Marsha’s own experience with Zen Buddhism. She explains that this foundational practice is all about non-judgmentally embracing moment and focusing on the only reality that exists: the present. 

What is Wise Mind?

DBT stresses the importance of cultivating a Wise Mind. First, let’s look at the three states of mind in DBT: Emotion Mind, Reasonable Mind and Wise Mind. Emotion Mind is the state of being where feelings are overwhelming and actions are impulsive. Reasonable Mind is the state of being where rationality is most in control; it is used to solve problems and pushes away emotional experience. Wise Mind is the combination of Emotion Mind and Reasonable Mind, drawing upon knowledge, emotional experience and intuitive knowing. 

A Bit of Practice

As mentioned above, mindfulness is an essential tool and practice in DBT. To further your own awareness, you may wish to explore your own experience of Emotion Mind, Reasonable Mind and Wise Mind. 

*How do you know you are in Emotion Mind? What are your personal cues (thoughts, feelings, sensations) pointing you to knowing when you are taking actions from an impulsive or overwhelmed place? What might be the cost of being reactive, without taking time to consider consequences, in relationships with others? How about any benefits? 

*In what kinds of situations do you utilize Reasonable Mind? How do you know you are in Reasonable Mind (thoughts, feelings, sensations)? What happens when you make choices without taking a moment to consider your emotions? What might be the cost of being fact-based and analytical in relationships with others? How about any benefits? 

*How do you know you are in Wise Mind, having a sense of balance between being in touch with your emotions and able to consider the facts? How do you notice the differences and similarities between Wise Mind, Emotion Mind and Reasonable Mind in your thoughts, feelings and sensations? When are you most in touch with your intuition?

I am drawn to DBT because it is all about balance and radical acceptance. It is an approach and a practice that prioritizes and trusts one’s own experience of themselves and the world. In forthcoming writings, I will explore further the skills DBT draws upon to maintain balance, to offer clarity and to cultivate the inner knowing of Wise Mind. 

For a review of Marsha Linehan’s memoir:

https://themighty.com/2020/03/marsha-linehan-memoir-summary-dialectical-behavior-therapy-dbt/

3 Common Questions about Play Therapy for Children

by Dr. Nia

Play is often called “the language of children.” How many times have you had a feeling and struggled to put it into words? Like adults, children experience a full range of emotions but they don’t yet have the words to express them. They are still developing the skills to be able to recognize and tolerate their emotions, especially the uncomfortable ones. 

Maybe you’ve heard of play therapy but aren’t really sure what it is and how your child can benefit from it. Of course you want the best for your child and want to make sure you are paying for a treatment that will support them. In addition to my work with adults, I’ve been doing play therapy with children for several years. Play therapy is a useful treatment approach due to children’s developmental level. Here are three of the most common questions I receive from parents and caregivers:

1. How is playing with my child actually therapy?  

Although it looks different from traditional talk therapy with adults, play therapy with children has many of the same therapeutic benefits such as identifying and expressing feelings, problem-solving, and practicing new skills. These benefits stem from developing a trusting relationship where a child feels safe to express their unique feelings without fear of judgement. Play therapy helps children to deal with their BIG feelings. Play also gives them a level of distance so these feelings don’t feel so overwhelming. 

For example, a child of divorce may be feeling distressed but it may be too threatening to talk about directly. In session, the child may use puppets or a dollhouse to play out family conflict. The therapist can observe themes and support the child with identifying the feelings in their play. The therapist might say something like “The child puppet feels scared when the parents argue. He is worried they are angry at him.” The child learns that his feelings are normal and are okay to express. In this way a child learns language to describe and organize his experiences, which reduces distress. The child also learns that he doesn't have to deal with these difficult emotions alone. The therapist can share with the parents that the child may be feeling responsible for the divorce (a common belief in children) and needs reassurance that the divorce is not his fault, the parents will never stop loving him, and they will always keep him safe. 

2. What can you really learn about a child through playing?

A therapist who is trained in play therapy can learn so much! Children enjoy getting one-on-one attention from a supportive adult, where they get to be in control (with appropriate limits around safety). This develops a sense of safety and freedom to explore. As such, a therapist gains insight into a child’s perception of the world. For example, during doll play, are the adults and other kids kind and helpful? If so, a therapist might imagine this child feels worthy of love and care and sees other people as supportive. On the other hand, a child may create a scene in which bombs go off without notice (sometimes playfully scaring the therapist!). One possible interpretation is that their world feels scary and unpredictable. It’s important to note here that children often mimic what they see on TV, older siblings, and adults around them. Rather than make interpretations based on one interaction, a child therapist looks for repeated themes. Play gives the therapist a window into the child’s inner world. It can help therapists identify the child and family’s strengths as well as the areas where they may need more support.

3. How can play therapy support my child at home and at school? 

By observing and interacting with a child in a safe place, the therapist gathers information about tools that can support the child to be successful in other areas of their life. This information is useful for parents/caregivers, schools, and any other meaningful relationships in the child’s life. Helping adults recognize a child’s emotional needs can help prevent the behaviors that cause frustration for everyone. For example, a therapist may notice a child has difficulty with transitions and needs a few reminders before switching to a new activity. This may help explain why the child has a tantrum at school whenever recess is over or at home when bedtime is announced. 

The therapist-child relationship and how it develops can give insight about a child’s relationships with others and with themselves. Does the child have trouble taking turns? This child may need support with social skills or impulse control. Do they become really upset when they lose? A child who cheats in a game may be expressing their feeling that the odds are always against them. This can suggest some points of intervention such as strengthening the child’s self-esteem or supporting them with social communication skills. The therapist can learn about the child’s difficulties and how they are likely impacting their family relationships and their friendships with other children. 

I hope this answers your questions and you feel more confident that play therapy is useful for supporting children at home, school, and in their communities. 

Take care and be playful!

-Dr. Nia

Further resources: 

Association for Play Therapy: https://www.a4pt.org/

Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapy-types/play-therapy

Play Therapy International: http://playtherapy.org/

Nonviolent Communication (NVC), An Introduction

By Ashley Gregory, LMFT

Personal Beginnings

My initial reaction to learning Nonviolent Communication (NVC) was piercing skepticism. Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall B. Rosenberg was required reading for a service learning internship during my early college years. It took considerable effort to overcome my resistance to opening the blue book with an image of the Earth surrounded by the petals of a yellow daisy on the cover. I finally cracked the book open as I considered how important it was for me to keep up with my job expectations. One of the first lines from the book that I noticed was: “Through its emphasis on deep listening--to ourselves as well as others--NVC fosters respect, attentiveness, and empathy, and engenders a mutual desire to give from the heart” (p.4). As NVC began to resonate with me, I also soon discovered that putting it into practice was considerably more challenging than reading about it. About 17 years later, the copy I still reference is the very same marked up 2nd edition, littered with bright blue highlighter throughout. 

For one of my first jobs after graduating college, I piloted a conflict mediation program for middle schoolers drawing upon the principles of NVC. Floating above our heads in my classroom at the time were bright blue and white clouds I made from cardboard and attached to the ceiling. Upon each cloud I wrote a basic human need--part of the foundation of NVC--in English on one side and Spanish on the other. A dedicated group of sixth, seventh and eighth graders meet weekly to learn and practice the concepts and principles of NVC. Over time, these young people found ways to make sense of NVC in their own ways and worked to create a school with more connection and empathy. I look back very fondly on these memories. Sadly, the program survived less than two school years due to budget cuts. Still, I believe the experience offered our school an opportunity to grow. 

The NVC Model

NVC is a heart-centered practice. It is a way to connect with and deeply understand one’s self and one another. Marshall Rosenberg describes the four components of the NVC model with an acronym, “OFNR,” pronounced “off-ner.” It stands for Observation, Feeling, Needs and Request. The place I usually begin with is the concept of Needs. 

In NVC, every human being has Needs. 

The major categories of Needs, as well as a few examples within each category, are as follows: 

Autonomy (choice) 
Physical Nurturance (including air, food, movement, water, sexual expression and touch to name a few)
Celebration (of life and loss) 
Integrity (meaning, self-worth) 
Play (fun, laughter) 
Spiritual Communion (order, peace, beauty)
Interdependence (community, acceptance, empathy). 

One of the fundamental concepts in NVC is that our feelings are related to whether our needs are or are not met. Slowing down enough to consider your own Needs, or to empathize with the possible Needs of another, is essential. 

Feelings are trailheads to needs. 

One practice I have implemented for myself, as well as within my psychotherapy practice, is to simply read the lists of feelings words within my NVC book. Feelings are like colors, the more variety to choose from the better. NVC emphasises feelings when our needs are met and feelings when our needs are not met. For example, feelings when our needs are met may include interested, grateful, playful, peaceful, affectionate and hopeful. When our needs are not met, we may feel agitated, confused, disconnected, sad, scared, vulnerable. Notice how feelings are not categorized as “good” or “bad,” “positive or negative.” Feelings just are. For examples, someone may feel “perplexed” when their need for meaning is not met, or “refreshed” when their need for peace is met. 

Observations, not evaluations

Observations are very specific details about behaviors. “The trick,” Rosenberg states, “is to be able to articulate this observation without introducing any judgment or evaluation” (6). In practicing observations, I try to pretend my perspective is a camera lens, perceiving information available to an inanimate object. In other words, “Blame, insults, put-downs, labels, criticism, comparisons, and diagnoses are all forms of judgement” (15). For example, saying “you are a procrastinator” is a judgemental label, whereas saying “you arrived past our agreed upon time the last five times out of six” is an observation. 

Requests are about connecting: Win-Win situations

Finally, Requests are open-ended questions with a concrete goal. An example of an NVC process goes as follows: “When you enter my room without asking me first, I feel alarmed because I need safety. Would you be willing to knock before entering my room?” When making requests, it is very important to consider that your request may be denied, in other words, someone may say “no.” In this case, you begin again with the NVC process, starting with Observations, followed by Feelings, Needs and another Request, until a mutual agreement is achieved.

Looking Ahead

For me, practicing and embodying NVC is a life-long process. It is a tool, a way of relating to myself and others as well as an outlook on humans’ ability to share our experiences deeply to create a more harmonious world. Working with an NVC-inspired therapist may offer you a felt sense of how to connect with your own needs and empathize with the needs of others. I practice NVC with individuals and those in relationships with one another to nourish compassionate well-being. 

**BayNVC.org is where I found an NVC practice “home,” somewhere to refer to for insight and consistency. I find BayNVC’s commitment to transparency around power and privilege particularly inspiring.